Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset I won’t be invited to his parents 60th?

184 replies

PrueD · 14/02/2025 00:51

I’ve been with my partner for 15 months and I’ve never met his parents. His parents know all about me and he chats to them when I’m there etc but they live in another country in Europe, so he doesn’t see them often.

About 8 months in, he told me they had said I’m welcome to visit any time. I’m now at a point where I know so much about them but we haven’t met. He is also divorced for 5 years.

Now he tells me he and his brother are planning a 60th party for his parents this summer. And tells me we can go on holiday together the next month - I’m basically not invited and I feel hurt.

for all intents and purposes this is a serious relationship and he even spent part of Christmas with my family and see them
a lot. I feel this is just too long to wait.

OP posts:
ScribblingPixie · 14/02/2025 07:26

How do I raise this without saying ‘where’s my invite!?

Why would you not say this? His parents have invited you over so won't they be surprised and disappointed not to meet you? Why are you not included? I'd be questioning why he has no plans to introduce you.

Horses7 · 14/02/2025 07:31

Just tell him you’d love to meet his parents and it’s very important to you.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 14/02/2025 07:34

PrueD · 14/02/2025 00:59

He doesn’t have kids with his ex wife and they haven’t seen her since the divorce according to him.

I did think that maybe a concern is language barrier at a family party. He said his parents speak decent English but I’m not sure about everyone else.

how do I raise this without saying ‘where’s my invite!?’. We have agreed we are a serious item and seem to be heading that way. Tomorrow my parents are taking us both for dinner and to the theatre. I actually find it quite rude.

Edited

Umm why the hell can’t you say “where’s my invite”? It shows there may be something wrong with the relationship if you don’t feel you can be that honest.

Oodlesandoodlesofnoodles · 14/02/2025 07:35

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 14/02/2025 04:09

I 100% agree with this . Their wedding anniversary is about them not you , it’s not the time to introduce a new partner. he wants to spend time celebrating them, if you are there he will be having to be by your side all night as you won’t know anyone and by the sounds of things there is also a language barrier.

Let him go and tell him to spoil his parents rotten but start a plan for you to go visit them within a few moths and when you go take them a anniversary present

Show quote history

I agree with the above.

Shelby2010 · 14/02/2025 07:37

How serious is your relationship? Are you living together or is he a boyfriend rather than a partner? Has he been to see his parents since you got together?

It might be less about you meeting his parents & more about the awkwardness of throwing you in amongst aunts/uncle’s & grandparents.

But it might just be that he’s a bloke & assumed you wouldn’t want to go to a dull old fogey’s event.

Mere1 · 14/02/2025 07:39

JMSA · 14/02/2025 04:23

His parent’s 60th wedding anniversary party is hardly the place to introduce a girlfriend.

This is what I thought. And especially when there's a language barrier.

It may be that he’s a nice chap, wants to make something very special for his parents-as a caring son- and realises that party is not the time to introduce you. He wants you to meet them on another occasion. It’s less easy as you’re in separate countries. Your parents are close by and he speaks English. Don’t think the worst of him straightaway.

ahdlfj · 14/02/2025 07:42

how do I raise this without saying ‘where’s my invite!?’.

Why would you not just ask that? If it's a serious relationship you wouldnt need to pussyfoot around such a reasonable question.

Vickyvogue25 · 14/02/2025 07:42

@FrannyScraps

I read it as a 60th birthday too, nowhere has Op mentioned an anniversary!

mewkins · 14/02/2025 07:43

FrannyScraps · 14/02/2025 06:56

Not the point but...

Am I the only one who assumed this was 60th birthdays?!

All my in-laws (divorced so two sets) are in their 60s (dh and I are early 40s)

If they really have been married for 60 years and ate probably in their 80s then their won't be all that much longer to meet them!

I'm glad you said that. I wondered what the hell people were on about. 😆

Twiglets1 · 14/02/2025 07:44

Just be honest with him that you feel hurt.

Newfoundzestforlife · 14/02/2025 07:53

Ponderingwindow · 14/02/2025 03:47

His parent’s 60th wedding anniversary party is hardly the place to introduce a girlfriend.

unless the two of you can make a trip to visit before the party, you really don’t need to attend this event. You haven’t been there for any of the 60 years they will be celebrating, you would just be stepping in on that day. His parents must be in their 80s. This isn’t a more the merrier kind of celebration. It’s for people who mean something to them.

Your last sentence is probably what the OP is finding hurtful....feeling like she means nothing to them! She's in a relationship with their son... it's the perfect place to be introduced to them!

Newfoundzestforlife · 14/02/2025 07:55

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 14/02/2025 04:09

I 100% agree with this . Their wedding anniversary is about them not you , it’s not the time to introduce a new partner. he wants to spend time celebrating them, if you are there he will be having to be by your side all night as you won’t know anyone and by the sounds of things there is also a language barrier.

Let him go and tell him to spoil his parents rotten but start a plan for you to go visit them within a few moths and when you go take them a anniversary present

Show quote history

Why on earth should she get them an anniversary present when she wasn't even invited to their anniversary party...? 🤔

Tourmalines · 14/02/2025 07:57

FrannyScraps · 14/02/2025 06:56

Not the point but...

Am I the only one who assumed this was 60th birthdays?!

All my in-laws (divorced so two sets) are in their 60s (dh and I are early 40s)

If they really have been married for 60 years and ate probably in their 80s then their won't be all that much longer to meet them!

I did too , lol . I had to go back and reread the Ops post and look for the word anniversary! Lol

Chuchoter · 14/02/2025 07:57

Ponderingwindow · 14/02/2025 03:47

His parent’s 60th wedding anniversary party is hardly the place to introduce a girlfriend.

unless the two of you can make a trip to visit before the party, you really don’t need to attend this event. You haven’t been there for any of the 60 years they will be celebrating, you would just be stepping in on that day. His parents must be in their 80s. This isn’t a more the merrier kind of celebration. It’s for people who mean something to them.

I agree with this.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 14/02/2025 07:58

Newfoundzestforlife · 14/02/2025 07:55

Why on earth should she get them an anniversary present when she wasn't even invited to their anniversary party...? 🤔

Show quote history

Because it’s a nice gesture and if it is a 60th wedding anniversary that is a very very good innings so it’s showing KINDNESS, acknowledgement and respect to potential new IL’s

Newfoundzestforlife · 14/02/2025 07:59

Strictly1 · 14/02/2025 05:52

With a language barrier he’d have to babysit you throughout the party or you’d moan I bet. Let him go and enjoy it and you can meet them after. The party is about them not you.

Why are you implying that she's making the party about herself just because she'd like to be there with her partner? Such a strange attitude 🤔 it can still be about them with her there you know! It's almost as if you're insinuating that her being there will ruin the party!

MyDeftDuck · 14/02/2025 07:59

Did he actually say "you're not invited to the party"?
It might be that he and his brother will be busy making party plans and he wouldn't be able to take you sightseeing - hence offering to go on holiday with you the following month.
You need to put your big girl pants on and ASK him!

Londonrach1 · 14/02/2025 08:01

Have you met them, is his ex wife coming with his children. Tbh if not meet them before it's not the right place to introduce you at their 60th. Same if his children are there if they not meet them. I'd let this go as his parents special time. I'd put a yellow flag but it's half waving. Depends on how the relationship is ...

Newfoundzestforlife · 14/02/2025 08:06

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 14/02/2025 07:58

Because it’s a nice gesture and if it is a 60th wedding anniversary that is a very very good innings so it’s showing KINDNESS, acknowledgement and respect to potential new IL’s

Show quote history

But she's not being shown KINDNESS as she's been excluded!

Strictly1 · 14/02/2025 08:10

Newfoundzestforlife · 14/02/2025 07:59

Why are you implying that she's making the party about herself just because she'd like to be there with her partner? Such a strange attitude 🤔 it can still be about them with her there you know! It's almost as if you're insinuating that her being there will ruin the party!

Show quote history

Hardly. What a leap. If you have someone with you who doesn’t speak the language or know anyone, you are going to feel obligated to stay with them which will make hosting hard work. The focus for the partner then becomes about keeping the OP happy and trying to host - hardly an easy task.

Instead, meet them a few weeks later without all of the distractions and focus on getting to know each other.

It’s about looking at the bigger picture. All this rubbish about red flags etc 🤦‍♀️

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 14/02/2025 08:11

Newfoundzestforlife · 14/02/2025 08:06

But she's not being shown KINDNESS as she's been excluded!

Show quote history

No she hasn’t … she has never met these people they don’t owe their sons new girlfriend an invitation… and even if she was “excluded “ the parents didn’t exclude her her own bf didn’t invite her

LuluBlakey1 · 14/02/2025 08:11

Ponderingwindow · 14/02/2025 03:47

His parent’s 60th wedding anniversary party is hardly the place to introduce a girlfriend.

unless the two of you can make a trip to visit before the party, you really don’t need to attend this event. You haven’t been there for any of the 60 years they will be celebrating, you would just be stepping in on that day. His parents must be in their 80s. This isn’t a more the merrier kind of celebration. It’s for people who mean something to them.

^^ This

Rosscameasdoody · 14/02/2025 08:13

OldChairMan · 14/02/2025 04:21

What complete nonsense. Every sentence!

Show quote history

Sorry but l agree with everything that poster said. OP won’t know anyone there, there will be a language barrier and he’ll feel obliged to make sure she’s OK when he should be concentrating on his parents. It’s their 60th anniversary, and the focus should be on them. Introducing a new partner who nobody has met up to that point will inevitably detract from that. It’s not the time or place, and him suggesting a holiday soon after is a good compromise - especially if it’s in his home country and he plans to introduce OP then.

Rosscameasdoody · 14/02/2025 08:16

Londonrach1 · 14/02/2025 08:01

Have you met them, is his ex wife coming with his children. Tbh if not meet them before it's not the right place to introduce you at their 60th. Same if his children are there if they not meet them. I'd let this go as his parents special time. I'd put a yellow flag but it's half waving. Depends on how the relationship is ...

She hasn’t met them and he didn’t have children with his ex.

Pelot · 14/02/2025 08:17

A 60th with a language barrier is not where you introduce a new partner but there's plenty of time to meet them before that. If he doesn't make a move to take you there this summer then he's just not serious about you no matter what he says.