To feel upset I won’t be invited to his parents 60th?

[PrueD]

I’ve been with my partner for 15 months and I’ve never met his parents. His parents know all about me and he chats to them when I’m there etc but they live in another country in Europe, so he doesn’t see them often.

About 8 months in, he told me they had said I’m welcome to visit any time. I’m now at a point where I know so much about them but we haven’t met. He is also divorced for 5 years.

Now he tells me he and his brother are planning a 60th party for his parents this summer. And tells me we can go on holiday together the next month - I’m basically not invited and I feel hurt.

for all intents and purposes this is a serious relationship and he even spent part of Christmas with my family and see them
a lot. I feel this is just too long to wait.

I would take it that you are not on the same page in fact.

OP, my DH (together 20 years) has never met my father or travelled to my country of origin, because I am embarrassed of my father. It’s not important to either of us.He met my mother when she visited us here. None of it matters - it’s how things are between you.

It’s their 60th anniversary. The focus should be 100% on them. Their son attending the party with a new partner no-one has met up to that point will hugely detract from that. A language barrier and the fact that OP doesn’t know anyone there will mean her BF will be checking on her when he should be concentrating on his parents. Intentionally or not she is making it about herself.

You’ve got plenty of time to learn enough of their language to get by in a conversation. Enough to look like you’ve made an effort anyway. Why don’t you say to him that you’d like to learn the language so that you can meet them in the summer at the party?

I was scrolling through to see if i was the only one who thought this!
There's no mention of a wedding anniversary

Alternatively she could accept that her being there would take the focus off his parents on what is their night and stop trying to insert herself into the event when he clearly isn’t comfortable with it. I can understand why, and l don’t think this is a hill to die on.

No, there’s not. It could I suppose be a joint 60th birthday party if they’re close in age. Friends’ parents did that.

I assumed it was a wedding anniversary because OP said it was a ‘60th party for his parents’. That suggests an anniversary unless their birthdays are the same, which is unlikely l would have thought.

Right. I assumed it’s their birthdays.

Either way bringing your gf doesn’t mean the focus isn’t on them - what a weird idea.

Sounds suspect to me. Does he have a girlfriend back home as well? Does he go back home regularly?

Because they weren’t the ones who didn’t invite her ?

They don’t have to be on the same day just the same year. My parents’ birthdays are within 2 months of each other.

Bringing a GF who nobody has met before and who doesn’t speak the language would most definitely mean the focus isn’t on them.

I really don't agree with the idea that the party has to be 100% focused on the parents. That's just not what parties are like. Some of my best memories from weddings have nothing to do with the bride and groom, and at my own parties I wasn't furious if the "focus" (what does that even mean in practical terms?) wasn't on me at all times. During this (possible) anniversary party then sure, there'll be some speeches and people will congratulate the parents, but most of a party is guests talking to/dancing with each other. It's not "An Evening With..."

I wondered when this would be suggested. 🥱

When I lived in the USA, I had a female ob/gyn & there was always a female assistant in the room. Always.

I think it’s a regulation, at least where I was living that all exams there was a female assist even if Dr. was a woman.

I don’t recall ever ever being alone with a Dr of any gender if I was being examined.

That should be the rule.

I understand why you're upset, OP. 15 months is not by any means a brand-new girlfriend, and you would presumably meet them in the few days leading up to the party, unless you were bizarrely planning to fly in that day. Not everyone needs to be accompanied at all times by their partner in an unfamiliar situation, it's not hard to pick up a bit of the language before summer to be able to mingle with the guests, and many people are likely to speak English. Attending a party is not "making it all about you" (what does this even mean?!).

Unlike your incisive contribution, eh?
Just because you disagree doesn’t mean you have to be rude…

My grandparents had similar birthdays and my husband and I are almost the same. It’s not as uncommon as you think, we will be having ‘our 60th‘ 😁

I think you've posted on the wrong thread!

In the 15 months you have been seeing him have you actually discussed or got to the point of making any plans with his parents to meet them?

If not I would think it a bit hypocritical to have your nose out of joint for this. If not what/who is stopping it from happening?

Also 15 months in and it being a "serious relationship", not feeling comfortable to discuss your feelings honestly with him doesn't bode well.

We’re talking about a different country here though, and possibly a different culture, so it may very well have something to do with that. I agree OP should just bite the bullet and ask BF directly why she’s not invited, if she hasn’t already. But if she’s going to do that, she’ll have to be ready to accept his reasoning.

I was with someone who kept me away from his parents. We were together for a good few years. I am quite shy so I never pushed it!
Turns out he was a compulsive liar and told his parents ridiculous lies about me including my age, where I lived, my job etc!
I'm not saying this is your situation OP, but going through this again would make me feel abit various if I'm honest!

Sure, but loads of posters on here have jumped straight to the idea that the OP attending would be making it "about her" and that the focus should be totally on the parents. I can't even imagine what a party would be like where the focus was on the hosts at all times, or even what focus means in that context.

Two very sensible posts.
The party is about them, not to introduce a new girlfriend. You would be a distraction. Of course a trip to meet his family at another time would have you centre stage, but not now.