Would you leave them alone overnight?

[MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel]

Trying to gauge if I'm being reasonable or being too paranoid.

DH and I would love a weekend away together. We have no family/friends nearby so have never really managed it. Family member could stay, but it's a 2.5 hour journey for them and would mean leaving their pet alone (I have animals so couldn't bring with)

Would be leaving early Saturday and getting home late afternoon/early evening Sunday. Approx 3 hours drive away.

Children are 16, (almost) 14 and 12. All are responsible, no drinking etc. The most challenging behaviour is watching YouTube too much and a dungeon and dragons game lasting too long.

They can cook, are very self sufficient. Are used to being left alone in the house for full days when DH and I are at work, but have never been alone overnight. Latest they have been alone is till about 11pm.

So, would you?

YABU - don't leave them alone overnight

YANBU - it's fine, they're old enough.

Firstly, the fact you were left in charge of your younger siblings at the age you were wasn't usual OP but if your family think it was, it's hardly surprising that they are encouraging you to do this.

Second, your DC could be the most sensible, trustworthy bunch of teenagers who ever lived, but it only takes an acquaintance who isn't to get wind of a parent free house and your 16 year old could be handling a situation that would be very difficult for them. It happens.

Only you know your kids and if you can trust them and they are happy to be alone then I think it’s fine. Are you happy to be three hours away though? Could you have a night somewhere closer to home?

So I would always risk asses it like this:

What would happen if:
Fire
Burglary
Choking / allergic reaction
Leak
One of their friends came over and bought the class
Proximity of help / guidance

Fire : we have a well rehearsed escape plan.
Burglary: unlikely. We live on a private road that is gated, you can't even walk on it without one of the houses buzzing someone on.
Choking/allergic reaction: no allergies and they're not little so choking unlikely but always a risk. But this is a risk when they're home alone and we're at work so not much different.
Leak: unlikely, but possible. They know how to turn the water off.
Friends turning up: my kids are really not that "popular" at school for this to be a scenario. Plus, anyone coming would have to drive and be let in the gates.
Proximity of help: neighbours close by in the street and my friend about 10 mins away.

As I say, they're used to being home alone in the house, for very long days. It's just them being alone sleeping that makes me nervous, even though realistically that's probably when they're most safe.

Mine are this age and I wouldn't.

I also don't have a family to look after them, we've not had a night together on our own for 10 years now so i do sympathise but for me it's still too young.

I'd have a date night and get back late but I wouldn't leave a 12 yo overnight.

No sorry, its too soon. I totally get you wanting a night or two away on your own so I sympathise. My DH and I live away from family and also had no-one to sit the girls so had no choice but to wait until they got older.

The first time we left ours was when our eldest was 17 and youngest was 13. Both sensible girls and even then, the first time we did it we just did a trial by having 1 night in a local hotel that was only 20 minutes away (we are lucky we live in a tourist area so have some lovely local boutique hotels nearby) It was easy enough for us to get back in an emergency. We were also lucky enough that we live in a safe village where all our neighbours are friends and they know us, so we gave them a heads up that the girls were on their own and could they be on standby in an emergency until we could get home. We left several mobile numbers of our neighbours with them and the number of the Hotel we were staying at incase we had no phone signal. So all bases covered. Needless to say they were fine and actually loved it enabling us to start leaving them for slightly longer and go slightly further.

Baby steps OP, you are not too far off so hang on in there. It will be worth it when they finally become of age I can promise you!

It really is predicated on the age of the youngest OP and IMO 12 is too young to be left in the care of a 16 year old overnight and also, bizarrely, too old. 16 year olds do care for their own babies but having authority and being listened to in a crisis, or if things have just gone a bit wrong isn't an issue there.

Also, do you honestly think you will have a relaxed time with the concern you already feel?

I would say then in response that as long as they are alright with it then it's no issue but I would ensure someone closer by than you is aware just in case

Listen to your gut, not anyone else. You know what to do. if it don’t feel right don’t do it.

I would ask the kids' friends' parents if the 14 and 12 year old could have sleepovers and leave the 16 year old alone. Or ask them to find a friend to stay with too.

Mmm, no. The 16 year old can’t really look after everyone. Sorry.
would you REALLY relax????