Would you leave them alone overnight?

[MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel]

Trying to gauge if I'm being reasonable or being too paranoid.

DH and I would love a weekend away together. We have no family/friends nearby so have never really managed it. Family member could stay, but it's a 2.5 hour journey for them and would mean leaving their pet alone (I have animals so couldn't bring with)

Would be leaving early Saturday and getting home late afternoon/early evening Sunday. Approx 3 hours drive away.

Children are 16, (almost) 14 and 12. All are responsible, no drinking etc. The most challenging behaviour is watching YouTube too much and a dungeon and dragons game lasting too long.

They can cook, are very self sufficient. Are used to being left alone in the house for full days when DH and I are at work, but have never been alone overnight. Latest they have been alone is till about 11pm.

So, would you?

YABU - don't leave them alone overnight

YANBU - it's fine, they're old enough.

You know your own kids. Some kids couldn’t be trusted but plenty could.

LOL at people saying no 16-year-old is mature enough and that leaving him over night would be a matter for the police. Do people not realise that 16-year-olds can, eg, join the Army?

My gut says no, it’s too much and you’re too far away.

But having said that I don’t know why we all perceive overnight as somehow more dangerous. My 15 year old regularly babysits for other children - why is it ok to leave kids in her care in the evening when they’re awake and more likely to hurt themselves / choke / burn the house down making pizza but not when they’re asleep? Outside risk of fire / burglary could happen anytime too.

I still wouldn’t but it’s a bit illogical.

If kids aged 12 and 14 aren’t capable of calling an emergency contact or dialling 999 in an emergency, you’ve failed as a parent

The biggest factor is is everyone comfortable with the arrangement?
Are they all capable of looking after themselves (and the oldest, nearly adult in charge just a formality)?
Do they all get on with each other well and respect each other?
Have they got nearby support if they have issues?

DM left me and DB for a week when I was 15 and he was 22. I was the sensible one. He was technically the adult and had survived uni. We had a really good week together. No bickering as no parents to play up to. I made sure the pets were fed on time and doors were locked.

At 9 DM's back went leaving her laid up on the floor for 3 days and I did a lot to look after her, me and personal care for a severely disabled relative who was staying with us. Older children are a lot more capable than many expect these days.

Less than 30 years ago, a few of my friends were living independently at 16/ 17.

No I didn't, I said 16, (almost) 14 and 12.

You need to improve your reading comprehension.

The kids would kick us out the door with beaming smiles and utter delight at not having parents around given the choice.

They all get on really well, usually sit and play scrabble or dungeons and dragons together. Or watch endless hours of crap YouTube videos together.

For them, they would love being able to stay up late as they want. But I just worry if they woke in the night and my son got nervous, he is sensitive.

Logically, they would be totally fine!

Anyway, we have made other arrangements now so they're not alone. Maybe I'm overprotective but I couldn't do it this time.

I had something similar happen to me, my sister was older age 17 and left me on my own to go out with her friends. I was age 13 at the time so I wouldn’t dare leave my children in charge of my younger ones, it’s not fair on any of them.

Id be so bloody embarrassed that a 22 year old couldn't deal with that and feel id failed in raising an independent adult

Oh behave. I'm sick of the judgy mcjudgerson's on here saying you've failed as a parent if you child doesn't leave home at 16, get a mortgage, 5 jobs, a first from Oxbridge or Russell Group whilst being vegan.

What about the people who can't read? I said nothing about anyone else I said I would feel I had failed.

Obviously hit a nerve lol

Oh it was implied though wasn't it.

Maybe it has hit a nerve. I need to examine that.

Well good for you.

Id be so embarrassed to be so judgemental of another family. FTR (not that it’s any of your business) he has high functioning autism.

They were coping pretty well actually but running around finding towels to mop up the water whilst laughing with a hint of hysteria somewhat concerned that we’d be annoyed that it had happened in the first place or that the ceiling would fall down.

This thread is a clear example of why young adults and teens are lacking confidence and resilience. Bloody hell.

You said you’d feel embarrassed to be in my position. That is a judgemental comment on my parenting.

have you hit a nerve? No, not really, I think you comment smacks of ignorance of other families and the way they operate.

I mean, I’d be embarrassed if my children were trying drugs or got a girl pregnant while young. I’d be really embarrassed if they were rude to others but mopping up water from a leak whilst having a mild little wtf, no im not embarrassed about that.

I'm with you OP, I know they would 99% likely to be ok, and if it were an emergency, would cope...but my gut would not let me deliberately go 3 hours away, leaving a 12 and 13 year old with a 16 year old.

If I was only going to be 20 minutes away, or there was an adult very close, or the oldest was 18...

There's a comma after 16, then the almost is in brackets before 14, so I believe they are 16, 13 and 12.

ETA: Just seen that the OP has indeed confirmed this.

No, I wouldn't. The 16 year old shouldn't be left responsible for the other two.

I know all the arguments about not doing it but we mollycoddle children far too much.

At 13 I was happy to be left alone for a few days while my parents were away. I got myself to school and back, or pottered around at home if it was a weekend or the holidays. Absolute bliss, I loved sorting out my own meals and going to bed when I wanted. I wasn't a wild child though and my parents knew I wouldn't burn the house down.

Our whole house is surrounded by cctv, and we live on a private road of 4 houses so it's very secure.

Kids would never have a party, the worst that might happen is staying up late playing a board game.

It's weird for me, as I'm typically not a helicopter parent. I've always given my kids lots of latitude, I don't police them, our working shifts mean they are often on their own, getting themselves up and out to school alone, or home alone, locking the house, they can cook, clean etc. But for some reason, this overnight thing makes me worry. Even though sometimes they are alone till 11pm or from 4am if we both have to leave early for work and do absolutely fine!!

But something about them sleeping alone in the house all night gives me the wiggins.

Yes all fine. Prep properly, set out in advance and go over the rules.

Great time to allow them to grow up a bit.

Playing d&d into the early hours is a rite of passage for a lot of boys. They will love it.

It would be fine OP if they're the sensible sort but if you're feeling uncomfortable with it then absolutely right to make other arrangements - you wouldn't enjoy your weekend at all if you're worrying.
Equally good to cancel if you think your more sensitive child might get upset - being home alone has to be something everyone is comfortable with.

@MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel I asked more or less the same question yesterday and more people said no don’t leave them than said yes. My dc are actually older than yours as well my eldest is an adult and lives independently at uni term time, their ages are dd19 (will be 20 the following week) ds16 and dd13 (2 months off turning 14). I was all up for until I asked on here, then I doubted myself so not sure what we are going to do.

Haha, it's my girls who love D&D. My eldest is mad for it 😁

I am lucky in that I don't seem to have to worry about parties, drinking etc like other parents might. My kids are of the opinion that alcohol is for losers 😆

I'm so sorry. Yes, I meant to say children but clearly something else was on my mind!

Crack on. Give them a chance to impress you and 99% of the time they will!