Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you leave them alone overnight?

137 replies

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 13/02/2025 14:23

Trying to gauge if I'm being reasonable or being too paranoid.

DH and I would love a weekend away together. We have no family/friends nearby so have never really managed it. Family member could stay, but it's a 2.5 hour journey for them and would mean leaving their pet alone (I have animals so couldn't bring with)

Would be leaving early Saturday and getting home late afternoon/early evening Sunday. Approx 3 hours drive away.

Children are 16, (almost) 14 and 12. All are responsible, no drinking etc. The most challenging behaviour is watching YouTube too much and a dungeon and dragons game lasting too long.

They can cook, are very self sufficient. Are used to being left alone in the house for full days when DH and I are at work, but have never been alone overnight. Latest they have been alone is till about 11pm.

So, would you?

YABU - don't leave them alone overnight

YANBU - it's fine, they're old enough.

OP posts:
Original poster
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 13/02/2025 15:04

Irvinesv · 13/02/2025 14:28

also they might be nearly 16 but currently still 15 - what would they do if one of them got sick, how would they judge whether this was serious enough to call for help and how would they even get help, what if something goes wrong in the house - would they know what to do? 3 hours is far too far away.

Will be 16.

OP posts:
Original poster
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 13/02/2025 15:04

Moonnstars · 13/02/2025 14:29

No, it's not a 16 year old. It's a 15 year old looking after a 14 and 12 year old.
You are not wanting to leave them because of an emergency situation, simply because you and DH fancy a night away. Wait a few years til they are older, find a friend/organise sleepovers for them all or hire a childminder for the night (guess you don't want to pay for this though).

Will be 16 yo looking after, not 15..

OP posts:
LoveSandbanks · 13/02/2025 15:05

We didn’t leave ours overnight until the youngest was almost 16, the others were 19 and 22. We came home and they were running around like loons as someone’s shower had flooded the bathroom and was leaking through the kitchen ceiling.

Dramatic · 13/02/2025 15:05

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 13/02/2025 15:03

To clarify

16yo
Almost 14 yo (2 weeks shy of 14)
12yo (turns 13 3 months later)

All very responsible and 16yo is incredibly trustworthy.

My gut is saying no, but family is telling me I'm being paranoid and they're old enough.

I was alone overnight, every night from 14yo looking after a 9yo and 12yo so I know my family think it's normal. But I'm uncomfortable which is why I'm asking.

If you're not happy with it then just wait another year or so. I do think that if they're all sensible and not likely to do anything stupid then they'll be absolutely fine, but you (and the kids) have to be happy with it.

Overthebow · 13/02/2025 15:05

No sorry I wouldn’t. If they were all older than 15 then yes’s but not the 12 and 14 year old.

Original poster
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 13/02/2025 15:06

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/02/2025 14:45

Everyone is saying 16, but it's actually a 15 yo. Which is pretty disingenuous of OP.

Wait a couple of years and you're gravy. Not now though.

16yo looking after an almost 14 yo and 12yo.

OP posts:
BeardOToots · 13/02/2025 15:07

Irvinesv · 13/02/2025 14:25

Are you crazy? You’d actually be arrested if the police were aware

Don’t be ridiculous.

0ohLarLar · 13/02/2025 15:10

There is no way the police would waste their time on this

BeardOToots · 13/02/2025 15:11

Can nobody read? Clearly a 16 year old. If you trust them, as you clearly do, then I think it's fine. A little responsibility is good for kids. We definitely left my son when he was 16, he's now a very responsible 21 year old man.

Original poster
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 13/02/2025 15:12

My 12yo DD is a very old soul, and very responsible.

My 16yo DD is also incredibly responsible.

My 14yo DS is a really really good boy, absolute sweetheart but I think he would be worried (he's incredibly sensitive).

We have neighbours they know who could help, and I do have a friend locally if there were an emergency.

But, still, my gut says no. But my family are saying I'm being silly and not letting the kids grow up and experience being self sufficient.

Like I say, they've been left for evenings till late due to work etc but somehow overnight feels different even though they will all be asleep and stay asleep till about 2pm 😂

OP posts:
CloudywMeatballs · 13/02/2025 15:13

If your gut says no, then it's a no. It doesn't matter what your family is telling you. Just wait a year or two and things will be different.

CloudywMeatballs · 13/02/2025 15:14

BeardOToots · 13/02/2025 15:11

Can nobody read? Clearly a 16 year old. If you trust them, as you clearly do, then I think it's fine. A little responsibility is good for kids. We definitely left my son when he was 16, he's now a very responsible 21 year old man.

Big difference between leaving a 16 year old alone and leaving a 16 year old alone with responsibility for a 13 year old and a 12 year old!

BeardOToots · 13/02/2025 15:14

Also, at 16, the oldest could well HAVE a child themselves. Would looking after their own child at 16 be illegal then?

TickingAlongNicely · 13/02/2025 15:16

If your gut is saying No, you have your answer. You know then better than anyone.

Notonthestairs · 13/02/2025 15:16

What about if you shortened the distance for the first go at it? Would you feel more comfortable if you were say an hour away?

Build up to longer distances.

I assume you'll always be on the other end of a phone if needed.

CloudywMeatballs · 13/02/2025 15:16

BeardOToots · 13/02/2025 15:14

Also, at 16, the oldest could well HAVE a child themselves. Would looking after their own child at 16 be illegal then?

I don't think anybody would think that it's a good idea for a 16 year old to be a parent, but there's a big difference between a 16 year old being responsible for their own baby and them being responsible for a 12 year old and a 13 year old.

I8toys · 13/02/2025 15:18

No

Rainingalldayonmyhead · 13/02/2025 15:18

Hell the fuck no.

Bearbookagainandagain · 13/02/2025 15:20

You know your children best, and you shouldn't leave them if you (or them!) don't feel comfortable doing so.

But in theory it sounds fine to me. As long as they are reasonable and all happy for the 16 yo to be in charge, it will be fine.
For those talking about them getting sick etc, honestly that's a non-issue, they can get sick any time but the probability they get something severe just the time you aren't there is ridiculously low.
You're not going very far anyway, so can always come back if there really is a need. I would probably brief someone closer as emergency contact anyway, just in case (as a kid it was our next door neighbour, we all had their phone number and they knew my parents were away).

tulippa · 13/02/2025 15:22

I think mine were 18 and 14 when DH and I spent a night away for the first time unsupervised. It was an hour's drive away so we left late afternoon and came back by lunch the next day.

Grandparents were 20 minutes away if there was an emergency.

Wait a year or so and go somewhere closer at first.

Original poster
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 13/02/2025 15:27

I just want to say thank you to those people taking the time to respond, even those people being a bit rude/aggressive in their tone.

It does help to get outside perspective, everyone's children are so different. I'm 99% sure they would be fine, and probably enjoy themselves but I just have this nagging doubt. Mainly around my sensitive son, he's sooooo lovely but such a sensitive soul.

I think I'll wait another year, and reassess then.

(I do work in a child safeguarding environment so know the law (hence why i didnt ask if it was "lawful") , which is why I'll ignore the hyperbole around being arrested 🤣. God love MN.)

OP posts:
Busyquaver1 · 13/02/2025 15:29

Well in my day I would babysit family's children overnight from age 15/16 and there kids where alot younger than 12.

Nellieinthebarn · 13/02/2025 15:29

I had to do this in an emergency once, daughter 16, son 14. I was blue lighted to hospital and my Mum couldn't get there until the following day. They were absolutely fine, but we lived in a small village with next to no crime, they were good kids and they had neighbours they could contact if anything went wrong. I wouldn't have done it by choice though.

MrsEG · 13/02/2025 15:32

OP if you feel in any way uncomfortable about it then don’t go this time, as it will cloud your weekend away anyway.
Maybe this year you can add some general housekeeping bits to their chores, I remember at 16 my mum showing me where the stop tap was, the electrical board/fuse box etc - all prepping me to keep house for a holiday the next summer 🤣 it was only me and my sister who is a year younger but she went away for a week when we were 16 and 17 and we survived!

zerogrey · 13/02/2025 15:33

They'll be fine overnight. My brother and I were routinely left alone at that age and we are still alive.