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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving kids home alone for 5 days?

332 replies

PinkPinkPinkBlue · 13/02/2025 13:21

Dh and I have never been away with out kids not even for a night. I want to suggest a 4 night city break to him but before I do just wondering if you would leave dc of these ages home alone? Grandparents live a couple of miles away and would pop in everyday and happily run my youngest to activities.
DD 19 (holidays so back from uni)
DS 16
DD 13

OP posts:
Member984815 · 13/02/2025 15:16

I wouldn't have a problem with this , will the younger ones be at school? Are they all able to feed themselves? With grandparents keeping an eye on them they will be fine

Member984815 · 13/02/2025 15:18

Just saw its school holidays , wouldn't be any issues .

mitogoshigg · 13/02/2025 15:22

I would unless there's specific reasons

ISpyNoPlumPie · 13/02/2025 15:26

I think my parents left me at home maybe 14/15. All my family went on holiday, I just didn’t want to (scared of flying!). But I was an incredibly sensible child and I had no friends. And my granny was nearby. They gave me £20 for the food shop and I had my bike. All was fine! No older siblings were with me.

Penguinmouse · 13/02/2025 15:28

Winter2020 · 13/02/2025 13:29

I would if the 19 year old is responsible and explicitly agreed to be the responsible adult - to be in the house/with their siblings say 7pm - 7am and to ensure there was an evening meal whether bought or cooked. If the younger siblings cook the 19 year old would need to supervise.

I would probably offer the 19 year old a couple of hundred quid to mind their siblings- on top of grocery/take away money - to be paid when I got home and everyone and the house was in one piece.

If the 19 year old did not agree to mind their siblings I wouldn't go.

Agree with this - agree it with your eldest or have the youngest one stay with grandparents.

Rocketpants50 · 13/02/2025 15:32

Absolutely if trust worthy.
I was a nanny at 18 to a 3 month old baby and a 9 year old.

I leave my 17 year old in charge of siblings .

Skandar · 13/02/2025 15:33

Ah, fond memories of my parents leaving the three of us when we were similarly aged. And it was my youngest sibling who had the raging party and me and my brother had to step in and deal with drunk teenagers....

CurlewKate · 13/02/2025 15:33

I absolutely disagree with paying the oldest to "look after" the others. It will make a completely different dynamic. Leave them some fun money, of course. But it's not baby sitting-it's siblings hanging out together.

HellofromJohnCraven · 13/02/2025 15:35

Yes I would and indeed did!

Treeleaf11 · 13/02/2025 15:35

We did this last year for the first time which dc exactly those ages (though 3 nights abroad and nearest relative 30 mins away). It was fine.

tfresh · 13/02/2025 15:37

Glorybox2025 · 13/02/2025 13:29

What's the reason people wouldn't leave the 13 year old with their two older siblings?

Because people on mumsnet are lunatics. A lot of people here wouldn't let a 13 year old walk to school.

HellofromJohnCraven · 13/02/2025 15:38

The only thing I would be clear about is what the eldest should do in an emergency. I would imagine the grandparents but best be clear with her.
If you haven't already, I'd get a keysafe. Once all 3 of mine managed to leave the house without keys, assuming that either one of the others would have one, or they were still inside!

BlueMum16 · 13/02/2025 15:39

PinkPinkPinkBlue · 13/02/2025 15:12

@loropianalover we don’t have a dog, I was responding to another poster saying will they get fresh air daily. I meant the grandparents could bring their dog up and walk her with them as so many people mentioned fresh air.

Personally I wouldn't.

DH and I often go away without kids. 4 nights is a long time for them to be left if you have never done it before. Maybe try two nights in this country where you can get home quickly if needed.

At 16 and 13 I would be sending them to stay at grandparents. It is also easier for GP than having to go back and to to check.

We're away soon and DC is almost 16 and will be at friends or grandparents. DC18 can please himself but no groups of friends over or parties

MyUmberSeal · 13/02/2025 15:40

I would absolutely go. All three of them will be fine.

TheFormidableMrsC · 13/02/2025 15:41

I'd leave the older two but make arrangements for the younger one.

ValentineValentineV · 13/02/2025 15:41

I’d do a one night practice first.

TheWorminLabyrinth · 13/02/2025 15:45

If the younger siblings cook the 19 year old would need to supervise

A 19 year should supervise a 16 and 13 year old cooking? Wtf?!

TiredCatLady · 13/02/2025 15:46

What does your 19 year old think about this?

80smonster · 13/02/2025 15:48

Yes, but 19 year old would be in charge and should probably be paid for babysitting to keep the hierarchy clear. Would also have GP’s popping in at unscheduled times, to keep everyone honest 😂

Crumpleton · 13/02/2025 15:50

TBH your eldest sounds sensible and if they are happy to look after their siblings you should go...

That first time away when it's just your DC left home is always a bit of a worry.

Enjoy your break.

Winter2020 · 13/02/2025 15:54

CurlewKate · 13/02/2025 15:33

I absolutely disagree with paying the oldest to "look after" the others. It will make a completely different dynamic. Leave them some fun money, of course. But it's not baby sitting-it's siblings hanging out together.

Not if the oldest goes out and stays out overnight with friends it isn't.

Ponderingwindow · 13/02/2025 15:54

I was a very straight and narrow teen. When I was 18 and my sibling was 12 I took care of my sister for a week. My parents not only went abroad, they went to a remote spot where they were extremely difficult to contact.

At that point we had changed their will so if anything happened to them I took custody of my sibling. I was an adult, even if I was young. I didn’t really think anything of it.

PollyPut · 13/02/2025 15:59

Why not just take the children if you can afford it? Won't they be a bit jealous of you?

Samung · 13/02/2025 16:02

They aren't kids. One is an adult who could be living away from the next with children of their own by now. They should be well able to hold things together for a few days, without needing to be paid or left long lists of instructions. If there's an emergency I'm sure they can work out how to use their phone to ring the emergency services. In fact, I'm sure the 13 year old can cope with that as well. If there's a problem they need advice on their grandparents are available for a chat.

Honestly, I see so many young people entering the workplace lacking independence and resilience. Threads like this demonstrate one of the reasons why. Cut the fuckin' apron strings people.

Winter2020 · 13/02/2025 16:03

TheWorminLabyrinth · 13/02/2025 15:45

If the younger siblings cook the 19 year old would need to supervise

A 19 year should supervise a 16 and 13 year old cooking? Wtf?!

Personally I wouldn't want to be in another city wondering if my 13 year old remembered to turn the gas off after warming spaghetti hoops. If you would have no such worries about your child then that's great. It's hardly shocking though?