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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving kids home alone for 5 days?

332 replies

PinkPinkPinkBlue · 13/02/2025 13:21

Dh and I have never been away with out kids not even for a night. I want to suggest a 4 night city break to him but before I do just wondering if you would leave dc of these ages home alone? Grandparents live a couple of miles away and would pop in everyday and happily run my youngest to activities.
DD 19 (holidays so back from uni)
DS 16
DD 13

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkPinkPinkBlue · 13/02/2025 16:58

Dd13 would be absolutely fine and I think she would be put out if I shipped her for 4 days, she would definitely prefer to be home with her siblings.

My dd19 would happily look after them, I wouldn’t expect her to cook I would transfer money for takeaways in the evening and they can each sort their own breakfast and lunch. I think I will ask dh what he thinks later tonight.

OP posts:
MumonabikeE5 · 13/02/2025 17:00

Can you ask your 19yo if she would be willing to do this, outlining clearly your expectations and needs for the care and supervision of your younger children .

if she willingly -not begrudgedley- agrees then I would talk to your younger two.

if they are a comfortable with the idea, and also agree to the expectations and need to follow your eldests instructions. Then I think this is a reasonable thing to pursue

during term time. During the week. But not in exam season.
where there is an established routine and regular expectation of attendance etc .

dizzydizzydizzy · 13/02/2025 17:14

I'm not sure why PPs are saying not to leave a 13yo with their grown up siblings. It sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

Endofyear · 13/02/2025 17:17

I had my eldest child at 19. You know your children best but I would think a 19 year old is capable of looking after a 13 year old for a few days, especially if grandparents are nearby if needed.

Delatron · 13/02/2025 17:20

Yes as long as the 19 year old is happy to look after the 13 year old and understands what this involves. I think it’s a good idea to have grandparents to pop in from time to time and to encourage on dog walks.

SnoopysHoose · 13/02/2025 17:24

It's 4 days, not 4 weeks, always mystified by those who won't leave teenagers.

MajorCarolDanvers · 13/02/2025 17:25

MabelMora · 13/02/2025 13:23

Yes, I would...unless the older two are raging party animals?

Agree with this.

enjoy.m your break

merryhouse · 13/02/2025 17:42

Ha, this reminds me of when I was at university and one of the first-years had her younger sister visiting her for a couple of days.

Sister was 10.

I mean, Big Sis was very much a Nice Quiet Christian Student surrounded by Nice Christian Students Grin but none of us thought it was an issue given that they were both happy with it.

MissRoseDurward · 13/02/2025 17:51

Yes as long as the 19 year old is happy to look after the 13 year old and understands what this involves.

How much 'looking after' does a 13, very nearly 14yo need? What does this 'looking after' involve?

if the 19 year old is in loco-parentis and will follow the normal rules about getting their sibling to bed, up for school, fed and watered, helping with homework...

I'd be worried if a 13/14 yo wasn't capable of getting him/herself to bed, getting up, getting food and drink, doing homework.... As pp said, they're 13 not 3.

Dominoeffecter · 13/02/2025 17:54

SereneCapybara · 13/02/2025 13:37

I would ask 13 yr-old if they'd rather stay with granny or at home, If at home, I would ask 19 year old to be responsible for their welfare and pay them some babysitting money in return for specific tasks which you'd normally perform, such as:
Making sure they have a healthy dinner each night.
Making sure they have done their homework
Making sure they have clean clothes and school uniform
Knowing where they are and who with and what time they will be home
Making sure they have safe ways of getting to and from any clubs or social events.
Making sure they do not spend 4 days online, but have some fresh air and other activities lined up.

Isn’t it during the school holidays?

Dominoeffecter · 13/02/2025 17:55

Seems more than fine to me

RadStag · 13/02/2025 17:56

ACynicalDad · 13/02/2025 16:55

I'd probably pay the 19yo a couple of hundred, but no issue from me. My parents sent me skiing aged 13 with my 19yo brother as my father was unwell. That's way more risky and he was drunk for a good part of the week.

Why would you pay them??? Confused

Wordsmithery · 13/02/2025 18:01

It rather depends on whether the 19 year old is happy being responsible for the 13 year old. If so, then yes.

RadStag · 13/02/2025 18:05

JMSA · 13/02/2025 16:32

I'm a very laidback parent, especially by Mumsnet standards! However I definitely wouldn't leave the 13 year old.

Why not?

RadStag · 13/02/2025 18:07

stichguru · 13/02/2025 16:26

Obviously the 19 year old is old enough to have their own baby, so they are definately old enough to be responsible for a 13 year old, but they need to actually agree to be in loco-parentis while you are away. The 13 year old is too young to be left alone overnight, so if the 19 year old is in loco-parentis and will follow the normal rules about getting their sibling to bed, up for school, fed and watered, helping with homework, being responsible for getting them medical care if they need it etc. If they are happy with that that's fine, if not then the 13 year old can only be at home for a few hours in the day, more than that they need to be with grandparents or another adult.

I your 13 year old can't get up, get ready for school, make breakfast and do homework independently, you've done something wrong.

My 5yo can do this!

Tohaveandtohold · 13/02/2025 18:07

I think it’s fine with their ages and level of responsibility but because you’ve never left them alone before, I think you should start with 2 nights, that’s what I’ll do anyway as 4 nights seem long for something you’ve not tried before

lnks · 13/02/2025 18:12

RadStag · 13/02/2025 18:07

I your 13 year old can't get up, get ready for school, make breakfast and do homework independently, you've done something wrong.

My 5yo can do this!

Show quote history

You need to be careful with statements like that. My teenager can't do those things. She is autistic.

Newnamesameme · 13/02/2025 18:14

I had a baby at 19. They are an adult I would have no issue with this.

HelloNorthernStar · 13/02/2025 18:15

Absolutely would do this. It’s 4 days, it will be like a little at home holiday for them.

UbiquitousObjects · 13/02/2025 18:19

I your 13 year old can't get up, get ready for school, make breakfast and do homework independently, you've done something wrong

My eldest two absolutely could do that. And did. Entirely independently, with zero input from me. Whilst knowing that I or dh were in the next room or getting ready ourselves or whatever. And that they'd be in the shit if they missed that bus.

Totally different scenario to them doing it effectively totally unsupervised (which we never tested with either at 13 so who knows if they would have).

RadStag · 13/02/2025 18:29

UbiquitousObjects · 13/02/2025 18:19

I your 13 year old can't get up, get ready for school, make breakfast and do homework independently, you've done something wrong

My eldest two absolutely could do that. And did. Entirely independently, with zero input from me. Whilst knowing that I or dh were in the next room or getting ready ourselves or whatever. And that they'd be in the shit if they missed that bus.

Totally different scenario to them doing it effectively totally unsupervised (which we never tested with either at 13 so who knows if they would have).

God ,I was getting up, making packed lunch and kut of the house in year 7, mum had left for work at 7am. I left at 8:20. Came home at 3:40, did my homework, and also would make dinner 2 times a week if she was on a later shift.

Echobelly · 13/02/2025 18:32

Yanbu, my dad seemed worked abroad when my siblings and I were those ages and my mum would go and see him for a few days leaving us at home. It was fine.

CurlewKate · 13/02/2025 18:36

There is much that is depressing about the thread, but the suggestions that the 19 year old should be paid, that a 16 year old needs supervision while cooking and that a NT 13 year old cannot get themselves up and dressed for school are probably the most depressing.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 13/02/2025 18:40

i had dd1 at 19. As long as the 13 year old and 19 year old get on and your 19 year old plans to be at home each evening you are away I don’t see the issue.

the 16 year old is neither here nor there. They are old enough to stay on their own but wouldn’t leave them in charge of a 13 year old.

LaughingCat · 13/02/2025 18:42

Adding my voice to those saying this is perfectly fine - they sound sensible and honest-to-god, even if they just hole up in the house for five days straight, living on takeout and not even opening the curtains, they’ll have a whale of a time. This is considered risk-taking - which will help build their confidence and resilience while still being safe given the proximity of their grandparents and the presence of your eldest. Fingers crossed your DH goes for it, OP!

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