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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving kids home alone for 5 days?

332 replies

PinkPinkPinkBlue · 13/02/2025 13:21

Dh and I have never been away with out kids not even for a night. I want to suggest a 4 night city break to him but before I do just wondering if you would leave dc of these ages home alone? Grandparents live a couple of miles away and would pop in everyday and happily run my youngest to activities.
DD 19 (holidays so back from uni)
DS 16
DD 13

OP posts:
Ramblethroughthebrambles · 15/02/2025 14:26

PS I definitely wouldn't have paid my eldest as that would have altered the dynamics between her and her brother in ways that could have gone downhill

LochKatrine · 15/02/2025 14:28

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/02/2025 14:25

I imagine because at 20, she wouldn't ordinarily stay in for 5 days during the holiday and no matter how responsible, mature and perfect these younger siblings seem to be, it is a big ask to be solely in charge of them for almost a week. They could potentially also behave slightly differently with no parents around.

I mean, if the younger siblings are so responsible and so mature and perfectly behaved then what does OP need her eldest for?

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I think because they're still technically minors and it may give her peace of mind to have the 20 year old there, one would imagine. Ask her?
Just in case.
Mine sometimes stayed in for a few days when they came home from uni. They often didn't have a job lined up straight away and just liked to chill.
It was always nice. Like I said - it's obvious that families vary a great deal. Hers sounds great.

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/02/2025 14:32

LochKatrine · 15/02/2025 14:28

I think because they're still technically minors and it may give her peace of mind to have the 20 year old there, one would imagine. Ask her?
Just in case.
Mine sometimes stayed in for a few days when they came home from uni. They often didn't have a job lined up straight away and just liked to chill.
It was always nice. Like I said - it's obvious that families vary a great deal. Hers sounds great.

Edited
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A few days is different to almost a week. I'd agree with you if we were talking about just an overnight or a weekend, though I'd probably still offer to pay if the oldest wasn't overly keen.

anonny55 · 15/02/2025 14:32

Some of the people on here are really surprising! At 16 I regularly baby sat for days on end my brother who was 11 and sister who was 14. I'd cook them dinner each night too and keep the house afloat- no takeaway money left from mum like OP plans to do! Your oldest daughter is an adult. Of course she can look after her sister in her own home for a few days!

LochKatrine · 15/02/2025 14:34

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/02/2025 14:32

A few days is different to almost a week. I'd agree with you if we were talking about just an overnight or a weekend, though I'd probably still offer to pay if the oldest wasn't overly keen.

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Well the level of keeness hasn't been clarified.
It's only 4 nights. In all probability it'll be fine. I know some people on here baulk at the idea, but I personally can't see an issue. 🙍

Member984815 · 15/02/2025 14:35

anonny55 · 15/02/2025 14:32

Some of the people on here are really surprising! At 16 I regularly baby sat for days on end my brother who was 11 and sister who was 14. I'd cook them dinner each night too and keep the house afloat- no takeaway money left from mum like OP plans to do! Your oldest daughter is an adult. Of course she can look after her sister in her own home for a few days!

Me too and at 20 I had my own home and child .

CurlewKate · 15/02/2025 14:39

@SouthLondonMum22 "I mean, if the younger siblings are so responsible and so mature and perfectly behaved then what does OP need her eldest for?"

To deal with stuff that might go wrong in quite a minor way that might throw a younger person. A power cut, for example. A dropped jar of mayonnaise. (Both things that happened to my kids in similar circumstances.)

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/02/2025 14:43

Leaving a 13 year old in the care of older siblings is a bit much, I think.
Can she stay with grandparents? Might be better for them, too, less to-ing and fro-ing?

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/02/2025 14:47

LochKatrine · 15/02/2025 14:34

Well the level of keeness hasn't been clarified.
It's only 4 nights. In all probability it'll be fine. I know some people on here baulk at the idea, but I personally can't see an issue. 🙍

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To be fair, I think it's fine as long as she actually wants to do it.

The only difference is that I'd pay her because I do think it's going the extra mile to take on responsibility of 2 younger siblings for almost a week.

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/02/2025 14:50

CurlewKate · 15/02/2025 14:39

@SouthLondonMum22 "I mean, if the younger siblings are so responsible and so mature and perfectly behaved then what does OP need her eldest for?"

To deal with stuff that might go wrong in quite a minor way that might throw a younger person. A power cut, for example. A dropped jar of mayonnaise. (Both things that happened to my kids in similar circumstances.)

Well, exactly. It isn't no big deal, it's definitely taking on some responsibility and 16 & 13 year olds are still 16 & 13 no matter how mature and responsible they may be.

I'm not against it if the oldest sibling wants to do it but it isn't nothing/no big deal/standard etc to take that responsibility for just short of a week.

CurlewKate · 15/02/2025 14:56

But 200 quid just in case she had to clear up a smashed jar of mayonnaise? Would you pay her if you happened to be home when that happened but she helped the younger one clear it up? All part of the give and take of family life. IMHO.

LochKatrine · 15/02/2025 14:56

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/02/2025 14:47

To be fair, I think it's fine as long as she actually wants to do it.

The only difference is that I'd pay her because I do think it's going the extra mile to take on responsibility of 2 younger siblings for almost a week.

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Mine wouldn't take money for keeping an eye on things - but I'd always make sure there was plenty of food in the house, stuff they liked. Plus money for KFC or whatever. It was fairly easy for them, anyway.

MissRoseDurward · 15/02/2025 14:59

I imagine because at 20, she wouldn't ordinarily stay in for 5 days during the holiday

Why would she have to stay in?

What normally happens in school holidays? Does OP stay in every day with her 16 yo and 13 yo?

Or does she go to work, or otherwise go out or stay in as she chooses, while the 2 dc do their thing?

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/02/2025 15:02

CurlewKate · 15/02/2025 14:56

But 200 quid just in case she had to clear up a smashed jar of mayonnaise? Would you pay her if you happened to be home when that happened but she helped the younger one clear it up? All part of the give and take of family life. IMHO.

No because she wouldn't be expected to have all of the responsbility if I was at home. She also wouldn't be expected to stay at home.

I wouldn't pay £200, I'd pay about £100 for almost a week.

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/02/2025 15:07

MissRoseDurward · 15/02/2025 14:59

I imagine because at 20, she wouldn't ordinarily stay in for 5 days during the holiday

Why would she have to stay in?

What normally happens in school holidays? Does OP stay in every day with her 16 yo and 13 yo?

Or does she go to work, or otherwise go out or stay in as she chooses, while the 2 dc do their thing?

Then I go back to my earlier point of why is she needed then?

If the 16 & 13 year old are mature enough to be left alone whilst OP works all day, goes out/stays in as she chooses and they are so mature and responsible then I don't know why the older sibling is officially needed. She can just be there when she wants to be, go out as she pleases etc and that's that.

I wouldn't really consider that as taking full responsibility for them.

Jasmine222 · 15/02/2025 15:47

PinkPinkPinkBlue · 15/02/2025 11:56

So many differing opinions, maybe we are just shit parents to even consider this. I am wondering if the sex of the children makes a difference as girls are generally more mature than boys because my dd13 is a very capable young lady. I’m not expecting them to cook, clean, do washing etc and all three can operate the dishwasher.
A serious question for those saying there 20 year old children aren’t capable of staying home for 5 days do they not go to uni? She is more than happy to do it, she is not a party animal and prefers to stay home reading a good book with a hot chocolate. She turned down a few invites to New Year’s Eve parties this year as it’s just not her thing, she stayed home and played board games, watched Netflix cuddled up in bed with her sister.
I don’t know maybe we should take them with us but then if we can’t leave them at home unattended we surely can’t let them have their own hotel room so that means dh and I will be in separate rooms which defeats the whole point of the trip.

OP, I was left at home for 4 days when I was a few days short of 19, with my 17 year old sister, 14 year old brother and 10 year old brother. It was totally fine.
I was also left at home age 18 with my 16 year old sister, for 2 weeks (we had summer jobs and didn't want to go on the holiday my parents had planned for our younger brothers).
If a grown-up can't be responsible for a house and a couple of younger kids for a few days, it's a bit of a depressing thought.

Jojoisnotmyname · 15/02/2025 16:28

@PinkPinkPinkBlue get it booked!! The kids will be just fine. Have the best time.

crumblingschools · 15/02/2025 17:08

You get many threads where posters from large families hated being the older sibling expected to look after the younger ones.

If this isn’t going to be a regular occurrence and your eldest is happy to do it, and they all get on and youngest will be happy to take orders from eldest then should be okay.

Posters who are giving examples of how they frequently had to look after younger siblings including cooking for them is not really a good example of family life. Siblings should not have to be responsible for younger siblings in that way, that is the parent’s responsibility

Lyraloo · 15/02/2025 17:21

PinkPinkPinkBlue · 15/02/2025 11:56

So many differing opinions, maybe we are just shit parents to even consider this. I am wondering if the sex of the children makes a difference as girls are generally more mature than boys because my dd13 is a very capable young lady. I’m not expecting them to cook, clean, do washing etc and all three can operate the dishwasher.
A serious question for those saying there 20 year old children aren’t capable of staying home for 5 days do they not go to uni? She is more than happy to do it, she is not a party animal and prefers to stay home reading a good book with a hot chocolate. She turned down a few invites to New Year’s Eve parties this year as it’s just not her thing, she stayed home and played board games, watched Netflix cuddled up in bed with her sister.
I don’t know maybe we should take them with us but then if we can’t leave them at home unattended we surely can’t let them have their own hotel room so that means dh and I will be in separate rooms which defeats the whole point of the trip.

Just ignore what other people have to say and you do what feels right for you and your family. At the end of the day, not many years ago, people left school at 16 and went to work, they often left home and lived with friends etc. if parents today don’t think a 20 year old is capable of looking after two teenagers for a few days, they are deluded and definitely mollycoddling their children! Not sure what they’d do if their 20 year old came home pregnant?

CurlewKate · 15/02/2025 17:27

@SouthLondonMum2 What do you mean by "all the responsibility"? Can you give some examples?

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/02/2025 17:43

CurlewKate · 15/02/2025 17:27

@SouthLondonMum2 What do you mean by "all the responsibility"? Can you give some examples?

I mean the fact that OP is asking in the first place means that they will be in charge, say yes/no to things, will be who they look to if something happens like your examples or even in an emergency like a fire or an accident, would have to deal with them squabbling if that was to happen etc.

All the responsibility because the parents wouldn't be there.

I'm not saying a 19/20 year old can't handle it, of course they can at that age but it is more responsibility than she will usually have because she obviously isn't their parent.

That's a reason why I'd pay her.

rainbowunicorn · 15/02/2025 17:44

RubyRedBow · 15/02/2025 12:26

One night - Maybe.
Any longer and it would be no way because of the 13 year old.

It’s too much for them to be cooking and looking after themselves for 5 days.

The 20 year old is at uni. She looks after herself every day. If a 13 year old and a 16 year old couldn't manage for 4 nights with the support of their adult sibling something is very wrong.

thechampselysee · 15/02/2025 17:47

I think if you are asking your eldest to look after the younger two you ought to pay her. Otherwise it's probably fine.

rainbowunicorn · 15/02/2025 17:48

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/02/2025 14:25

I imagine because at 20, she wouldn't ordinarily stay in for 5 days during the holiday and no matter how responsible, mature and perfect these younger siblings seem to be, it is a big ask to be solely in charge of them for almost a week. They could potentially also behave slightly differently with no parents around.

I mean, if the younger siblings are so responsible and so mature and perfectly behaved then what does OP need her eldest for?

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I wouldn't imagine that a 16 and 13 year old will be staying in for the 5 days. I would imagine they will do what they normally do during holidays. You know meet up with friends, go to the gym, go for coffee, lunch or just a wander round the shops why do you think they are all going to be sat in all day and all night?

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/02/2025 17:52

rainbowunicorn · 15/02/2025 17:48

I wouldn't imagine that a 16 and 13 year old will be staying in for the 5 days. I would imagine they will do what they normally do during holidays. You know meet up with friends, go to the gym, go for coffee, lunch or just a wander round the shops why do you think they are all going to be sat in all day and all night?

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No. Which is why I'm wondering why it's necessary for the oldest one to be officially put in charge if they are all going to be coming and going as they please anyway and largely spending time apart with their friends.

In that case, I wouldn't pay the oldest one.