Leaving kids home alone for 5 days?

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Dh and I have never been away with out kids not even for a night. I want to suggest a 4 night city break to him but before I do just wondering if you would leave dc of these ages home alone? Grandparents live a couple of miles away and would pop in everyday and happily run my youngest to activities.
DD 19 (holidays so back from uni)
DS 16
DD 13

I wouldn't go for four nights straight away....I'd try one night or a weekend and see how they cope.

She's only there because it's the holidays from uni. She's got a good deal because she's allowed home from uni for the holidays? That's just standard.

I didn't say it wasn't standard.
Maybe it's standard to keep an eye on younger siblings. Not done for money.

I'd probably do 3 nights the first time.

As long as they don't argue and fight, they'll be fine.

Seems fine as long as the 13 year old is OK with being left with the older siblings. I had a child of my own by your eldests age and had left home 2 years prior.

My ex often leaves our 18 and 15 year old girls on their own whenever it’s his time and a new woman is interested.
id say your kids will be perfectly fine, and if one of them turns nocturnal on Xbox so what? He’s on his holidays too ?

I was left alone to look after my two siblings (2 years and 5 years younger) when I was in sixth form. Parents would go away for a week, I had money to do the shopping etc. All went well, and my grandparents were a few miles away (though elderly and non-drivers)

So many differing opinions, maybe we are just shit parents to even consider this. I am wondering if the sex of the children makes a difference as girls are generally more mature than boys because my dd13 is a very capable young lady. I’m not expecting them to cook, clean, do washing etc and all three can operate the dishwasher.
A serious question for those saying there 20 year old children aren’t capable of staying home for 5 days do they not go to uni? She is more than happy to do it, she is not a party animal and prefers to stay home reading a good book with a hot chocolate. She turned down a few invites to New Year’s Eve parties this year as it’s just not her thing, she stayed home and played board games, watched Netflix cuddled up in bed with her sister.
I don’t know maybe we should take them with us but then if we can’t leave them at home unattended we surely can’t let them have their own hotel room so that means dh and I will be in separate rooms which defeats the whole point of the trip.

So many differing opinions, maybe we are just shit parents to even consider this

Please, don't martyr yourself because there are parents on here that coddle their children until they are literally full grown adults.

This isn't the 90s. They have mobile phones, are contactable at a second's notice and you can even track them on said phones if you think it necessary. Ditto for them.

So long as they make sure they lock up if they go out, turn off the stove if they use it, and don't wreck the house, then happy days. Go and enjoy yourself.

You're most certainly not shit parents! Leave them - they sound sensible and reliable and will know what to do should there be an emergency. Your 20 year old daughter sounds more than capable, and no doubt will have a pleasant time at home, reading her books and drinking hot chocolate! Go for it 👍

One night - Maybe.
Any longer and it would be no way because of the 13 year old.

It’s too much for them to be cooking and looking after themselves for 5 days.

You are doing your kids a serious disservice @RubyRedBow if your 13 year old couldn't sort themselves food out especially when there's an adult in the house

Too much? The 20 year old is at university. The others are reliable and responsible.

Too much? It's part of parenting to get them prepared for independence and get life skills.
Plus - I'm sure they could get a ready meal or Deliveroo if necessary! They're not early teens or primary.
Plus the eldest is at uni.

Sorry, posted twice about the same thing.

I tried this, same ages but one night. Sadly for me the 19 year old and 13 year old argued horrifically and the 16 year old was playing peace keeper. Never again.

The older two fine. Youngest not so much!

If your kids get along ok it would be fine in my opinion, only you know your kids.

Of course you're not shit parents, op.

I am regularly gobsmacked by the way MNetters infantilise their teenage and young adult children, well into their twenties sometimes.

I think the only reasonable concern might be that they'd have a party, and you say that wouldn't be in character. You might just want to warn the younger two not to broadcast the fact that you are away.

It's true that it's standard for some families but I don't agree with it, especially standard for 5 days.

I think 5 days is a massive favour.

Yes, it's a favour - not massive, imo. The daughter is 20 and away at uni normally, the 13 year old is responsible and sensible. It's not a huge deal. Just what good families do for each other.
However. Obviously, not all families are the same.

I think your point is spot on - infantilising late teens and young adults is very problematic now. Pps have noted at 20 they were married with their own baby, now some people are concerned that a 20 year old sibling can't supervise a sensible 13 year old.

Right. Will someone please explain to me clearly and in words of as few syllables as possible what disasters might happen that a capable 19 year old would be incapable of dealing with?

No matter how responsible and sensible both younger siblings may be, they are still 16 and 13 and I imagine are annoying sometimes to an older sibling and again obviously not responsible and sensible enough to be left to their own devices.

I'd consider it to be a massive favour, I imagine spending 5 days of her holidays being responsible for a 16 and 13 year old isn't going to be at the top of her list of preferences to spend her time which is fair enough so I'd pay her.

Well I don't see why a 20 year old should be paid to stay at home. The OP has said how responsible and mature the siblings are. She's probably going to read her book and drink hot chocolate, as the OP says!
That would be easy money, though 😁
Mine did this sort of thing as a favour, be we did all get on really well and they never seemed to fall out with each other. They got on well. They managed just fine.

From what you've said about your plans and your DCs and their relationship, I think you'll be fine OP. To avoid friction developing though, I'd tell the younger ones that the 20 yr old is in charge but quietly I'd take her to one side and suggest she doesn't try and pull rank on the others unless it's a serious safety issue. I'd encourage her to feel she can go to the GPs for any back-up she needs and not to feel responsible for 13 & 16 yr old's food, not staying up all night etc. None of that matters for 5 days and I'm sure they'll enjoy a bit of freedom and independence.

I imagine because at 20, she wouldn't ordinarily stay in for 5 days during the holiday and no matter how responsible, mature and perfect these younger siblings seem to be, it is a big ask to be solely in charge of them for almost a week. They could potentially also behave slightly differently with no parents around.

I mean, if the younger siblings are so responsible and so mature and perfectly behaved then what does OP need her eldest for?