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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Leaving kids home alone for 5 days?

332 replies

PinkPinkPinkBlue · 13/02/2025 13:21

Dh and I have never been away with out kids not even for a night. I want to suggest a 4 night city break to him but before I do just wondering if you would leave dc of these ages home alone? Grandparents live a couple of miles away and would pop in everyday and happily run my youngest to activities.
DD 19 (holidays so back from uni)
DS 16
DD 13

OP posts:
Danielle9891 · 14/02/2025 20:55

I'd leave the 13 year old with the grandparents. Yes the other 2 might not party but would they cook the 13 year old meals, do the grocery shopping and housework? It might be ok for a long weekend but I'd feel bad expecting a 13 year old to do all of these for 2 whole weeks. Why not take your children with you? The school holidays are meant to be family time.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 14/02/2025 21:17

Have a back up plan too .
My DH and I went away for a week leaving 19yo and 16yo DC - adults .

I ended up in hospital for over 2 weeks . Fortunately we were able to keep in contact with them, get food deliveries , and had an emergency back up they could contact .

If your DC are ok , then go for it .

T1Dmama · 14/02/2025 21:20

For 1 night yes, but I wouldn’t leave a 13 year old that long.
Can one or both of the grandparents not go and stay at your house or the 13 year old stay at theirs?

Toptops · 14/02/2025 21:36

Go for it! Your kids will be fine.
We have done similar and the kids loved being in charge.

GoldOP · 14/02/2025 21:40

Hi, we did exactly this last November and had our first child free break in 20 years, we ventured on a European city break. Ours were 19 and 16 so a bit different as no younger child. They coped fine, only issue was college text to say son was late on one of the days but that aside all went well and we’re hoping to do it again this year.
I’d Be inclined to ask gp to pop in and keep an eye on the 13 year old every now and then

Chillilounger · 14/02/2025 22:07

I think back to me at that age and no way. As a 16/19 year old I would just have my mates around for a party and the 13 year old would be vulnerable so no.

GregT · 14/02/2025 22:58

As long as 19 and 16 yo look after the 13 yo then fine. Depends on how the TV get on. With boundaries of what they all can and can’t do in that time.

My 14 yo boy can cook, do washing and ironing, as well as get train to school and back.

As long as 13 yo will listen to them, then fine. IMHO.

Have fun - but avoid other younger additional siblings.

SouthLondonMum22 · 14/02/2025 23:01

LochKatrine · 14/02/2025 19:07

Absolutely fine. You know they're sensible.
Oh, and don't pay the eldest, as some people have suggested. You're a family, they're siblings, they help you out and they help each other out.
Have a good trip!

Edited

I'd say this is a bit more than just helping out. It's a big favour and I'd personally show my appreciation by paying her.

rainbowunicorn · 14/02/2025 23:12

shehasglasses48 · 14/02/2025 20:30

Check the legality.

Don't be daft. The oldest will be 20 when this is happening. 20 year olds work as nannies looking after much younger children than teenagers. What legalities do you think there would be with a 20 year old looking after a 16 and 13 year old.
When I was 20 I had my own house and my younger siblings used to come and stay.
20 year olds can be kinship carers for younger siblings.

rainbowunicorn · 14/02/2025 23:17

Danielle9891 · 14/02/2025 20:55

I'd leave the 13 year old with the grandparents. Yes the other 2 might not party but would they cook the 13 year old meals, do the grocery shopping and housework? It might be ok for a long weekend but I'd feel bad expecting a 13 year old to do all of these for 2 whole weeks. Why not take your children with you? The school holidays are meant to be family time.

Where are you getting 2 weeks from? It even says in the title that it's 5 days.
Why would you think a 13 year old wasn't capable of making some food or going to a shop. The world won't stop if nobody hoovers for a few days.

WeCanOnlyDoOurBest · 14/02/2025 23:22

When I was 19 I was married with a baby, and my husband sometimes worked away, my parents lived away, I was often alone, and I was absolutely fine. So absolutely you can leave your children at the age of 19, 16 and 13 in the care of the eldest. You know your children better than anyone else, are they sensible, trustworthy, respectful, you need to know they understand safety rules with regards to cooking. Making sure all is safe before going to bed, doors locked etc.

WeCanOnlyDoOurBest · 14/02/2025 23:23

rainbowunicorn · 14/02/2025 23:17

Where are you getting 2 weeks from? It even says in the title that it's 5 days.
Why would you think a 13 year old wasn't capable of making some food or going to a shop. The world won't stop if nobody hoovers for a few days.

Agree!

MissRoseDurward · 14/02/2025 23:32

My 14 yo boy can cook, do washing and ironing, as well as get train to school and back.

I should hope so.
I'd think something had gone wrong somewhere if an average 14 yo couldn't do all those things.

LochKatrine · 15/02/2025 05:10

SouthLondonMum22 · 14/02/2025 23:01

I'd say this is a bit more than just helping out. It's a big favour and I'd personally show my appreciation by paying her.

I don't think everything should have a monetary value. She's not exactly being exploited or doing drudge work. Appreciation can be shown in otter ways.
Family interactions should be about love , care and support, not ££££.

Neemie · 15/02/2025 05:44

Unless they are unusually immature or have delinquent tendencies then of course you can.

CurlewKate · 15/02/2025 06:30

Certainly leave them some "fun money" for a day out or some Deliveroo or something. But don't pay someone for spending 4 days doing exactly what she would normally be doing!

LochKatrine · 15/02/2025 06:32

CurlewKate · 15/02/2025 06:30

Certainly leave them some "fun money" for a day out or some Deliveroo or something. But don't pay someone for spending 4 days doing exactly what she would normally be doing!

This ⬆️. Totally agree.

Rocknrollstar · 15/02/2025 07:11

I would do this and DS does this with his children of similar ages.

sunshinestar1986 · 15/02/2025 07:43

Depends on maturity of 13 year old amd the 19 year old for that matter lol.
My sister was 18 when she married and frequently looked after me, aged 8 and our other sister who was 10.
You know your own kids so if you're happy that's all that matters.

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/02/2025 09:59

LochKatrine · 15/02/2025 05:10

I don't think everything should have a monetary value. She's not exactly being exploited or doing drudge work. Appreciation can be shown in otter ways.
Family interactions should be about love , care and support, not ££££.

I think it’s asking a lot. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to ask, especially if she’s willing but if she’s willing to give up a few days to take care of her siblings then I’d be willing to pay her for the favour like I would a babysitter.

LochKatrine · 15/02/2025 10:02

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/02/2025 09:59

I think it’s asking a lot. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to ask, especially if she’s willing but if she’s willing to give up a few days to take care of her siblings then I’d be willing to pay her for the favour like I would a babysitter.

As I understand it, it's a young woman who will be living at home, who has a couple of sensible, responsible siblings. She's not "babysitting".
I just don't see why family members can't do favours for each other without the expectation of monetary reward. I'm sure that the parents help and support her financially and in other ways all the time.
Mind you, there's some on MN who would be charging the young woman rent, but that's a whole other story.

Travelban · 15/02/2025 10:22

I am not paying my son to look after his siblings for the long weekend we are away. He gets quite a lot out of us though financially already, so it's the least he can do. It would be a different story if he wasn't but jt's just how we roll in our family. Everyone has different family dynamics..

LG123 · 15/02/2025 10:27

Winter2020 · 13/02/2025 13:29

I would if the 19 year old is responsible and explicitly agreed to be the responsible adult - to be in the house/with their siblings say 7pm - 7am and to ensure there was an evening meal whether bought or cooked. If the younger siblings cook the 19 year old would need to supervise.

I would probably offer the 19 year old a couple of hundred quid to mind their siblings- on top of grocery/take away money - to be paid when I got home and everyone and the house was in one piece.

If the 19 year old did not agree to mind their siblings I wouldn't go.

A 16 year old should not need supervision to cook.

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/02/2025 10:28

LochKatrine · 15/02/2025 10:02

As I understand it, it's a young woman who will be living at home, who has a couple of sensible, responsible siblings. She's not "babysitting".
I just don't see why family members can't do favours for each other without the expectation of monetary reward. I'm sure that the parents help and support her financially and in other ways all the time.
Mind you, there's some on MN who would be charging the young woman rent, but that's a whole other story.

But they are still need supervising to a certain extent, otherwise the OP wouldn't exist because they'd all just be left to their own devices.

Favours are also optional, it sounds like some pp's would give her little choice.

LochKatrine · 15/02/2025 10:48

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/02/2025 10:28

But they are still need supervising to a certain extent, otherwise the OP wouldn't exist because they'd all just be left to their own devices.

Favours are also optional, it sounds like some pp's would give her little choice.

Indeed. She is supervising. She's living at home, she's a sister.
Suppose she asked for "babysitting" money? She's living there for free, eating the food, using the facilities. She's hardly put out.
As pp said, maybe leave her money for Deliveroo or whatever.
Personal choice, but I wouldn't pay her for this particular "service" as if she were a stranger.

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