To be devastated about this minor thing...

[Ninerina]

I went to a book club last night- all fine, enjoyed it- and they asked me who I live with and I said my husband and my son and they asked how old he is and when I said his age there were no gasps, no look of shock, just nods
I have always always always been told I don't look my age but now people just nod. What is this hell?!
I'm 55 and my son is 29.
Up until I turned 53 people would say I didn't look my age
I know it's not a big deal really but couldn't they have pretended to look shocked?
It's not a big ask is it?
So upset

I'm one of your people. I know where you are coming from. I'm always told I dont look my age ( just turned 70). But when I do mention my age some times, sometimes the person I'm telling doesn't say a word, and all the times people look surprised and say no your not , you look really good, it just takes one person to make me feel old.

I totally get it, I’m offended every time the shop assistant presses the ‘Clearly Over 25’ button on the self service till, fecking RUDE. I’m 43 😆

😂

When people say 'you don't look old enough' for x thing, they are just being sociably polite - it's rare they actually mean anything by it. The vast majority of people look their age, or thereabouts.

I once got mistaken for my husband's mother. My husband is older than me. So I win.

What was the age of the book club and the age of those who make the comments?

and @Ninerina everyone mourns youth but perhaps some don’t put as much stock into how they are perceive to look. My Nan always said how she looked reflected the life she had led and she was proud of that.

you may well have aged, the book club may well not be your people or they simply didn’t think anything of it or indeed give the maths a moments thought

and I think society nowadays doesn’t have the same concept of age or what you can do or look like at a particular age

Why does everyone on here think they look young for their age?! It's very rare that I've met someone in real life and been surprised by their age.

I look older than I am, properly haggard. Breastfeeding has aged me by about 10 years and sucked all the youth from my body.

You need to start adding years to your DS' age, that's where you are going wrong.

Then at a certain point you start taking years off his age so that people are impressed that you had a child so late.

I think when people say “I looked 30 at 50” they miss that actually very little aging happens in this time frame anyway. Most 40 year olds I know don’t look all that different to their 30 year olds selves. And most 30 year olds don’t look all that different to how they looked in their 20’s.

The amount of celebrity photos that get shared, compared to their past selves with “they must be a vampire! This woman never ages!” No actually, we just previously had the media bomb us with ideas that at 40 you were well and truly done as a woman, when this is not at all the case. Agree with PP. People look their age. Whatever their age is.

Heres the sticker. Looking younger is not really a big compliment. Younger doesn’t mean more beautiful. More confident, more self assured. I certainly feel better in my 30’s than I did in my twenties. I feel more beautiful than ever today. If someone said I looked young, I’d be like.. okay? What does that even mean in the grand scheme of things?

Wow, there seems to have been a massive sense of humour failure round here! YANBU OP. I've been mistaken for my Mother before, now that was devastating.

Just because you don't look young, doesn't mean that you aren't and can't be beautiful. I don't understand society's obsession with beauty being associated with youth (I mean, I understand it but I don't accept it). I can remember even as a child noticing beautiful older people. I can still remember the last woman I met whose beauty really struck me. She was well into her 80's, beautiful lipstick and cardigan and just a lovely, graceful, soft and kind way about her and a lovely smile.

Hence, I do not, never have and never will care. I am 53 now and happy to be here with my good health. I look 53 because that is my age. No desire to look 20, been there, done that. Now is the time for a different kind of beauty. Happy that the people I love are happy and healthy. That is all that matters.

And that all sounds rather serious, I do know that you were joking, OP.

I get why you’re upset OP, none of us like aging, it can be very hard.

But think about what you are saying - I don’t look my age sounds very competitive. It comes across as I don’t look as old as all of you.

I get what you mean, people always used to think I was younger than I looked and when I was about 55 I must have grown into my face! Now I get that nod that says, yes I thought you were about that age 😆

Your tone was a bit off in your OP, that’s why I didn’t get the humour. Put a laughing emoji in after the “so sad” bit, that might have helped. And your subsequent posts calling us “sour faced” aren’t very nice. Or is that humour too?

Don't get jealous, but I definitely don't look my age.

Although I'll be 71 in a week or so, I don't look a day over 95.

This. I suspect we all secretly suffer from it to some degree - thinking we look younger than we do. Agree I very rarely meet someone who doesn’t look their age.

I still get told I don't look old enough to have a son that's now 45 but that's because I had him ridiculously young. (16). I don't get told I don't look old enough to be the mother of my youngest (33).

I was going to say exactly the same thing

You can't get tone from reading which is why most people preface these sorts of threads with (lighthearted) in the opening post.

I read it and rolled my eyes thinking you sounded like a right drama lama. Stick a laughing emoji or lighthearted in it and I'm with you as it reads completely differently

That's why you're getting a lot of sassy replies

Just to clarify what I mean by 'my people' those who have always been told we look young for our age
If you have never been told that I suppose you might take umbrage and label us all as vain shallow etc but it's weird when you have always heard you look young then suddenly don't.
It's not that deep tho so don't understand the rage

Haha you remind me of my mum. I’m 38 and she’s 56. She looks young for her age and obviously had me young so very much enjoys the looks of surprise and the ‘omg you don’t look old enough’ when she reveals my age to people.

one day, like you, she didn’t get her usual reaction and she was gutted 😂

maybe it was a one off op. Hopefully you get your normal reaction next time!

I wouldn’t say anyone has displayed rage at all, that’s quite dramatic. A bit of sass sure. But that’s again, because of your tone. “Oh well if you’ve never been told you look young like I have my entire life..” it’s just a big eye roll, it definitely reads as quite shallow.

I was responding to someone who said nobody ever looks half their age, that was my point! Alcohol I understand being stricter on but after speaking to the cashier, she thought I was only 17 🤨

You sound like Amanda from Amandaland

After illness I now look my age before I didn’t look my age. Suddenly old looking but that’s life.

I can sympathise OP. The other day was in a conversation about birthdays with new work colleagues (slightly older than me). It had just been my birthday so I mentioned my age and nobody was shocked and just carried on the conversation so I thought maybe they hadn't heard and found a way to mention it again but same. Am so used to people thinking I am at least 10 years younger that it was surprisingly painful to realise that now I am just generic middle-aged woman of indeterminate middle-age. So now I am online looking at nanocurrent skin tightening devices and pondering a makeover. Going to start lying about my age too.

And before anyone jumps in to comment about how empty and shallow my life is, value of inner beauty/ageing gracefully etc, this is a joke*.

*but also true.