School won’t/can’t do anything about SEN child causing distress

[Rantypanties]

I had a phone call from my child’s primary school stating that the SEN child in their class touched them & another child ‘over their clothes in their private area’. This is the 3rd incident of this nature happen in the class (first 2 were ‘tickling in that area’) and the 4th time something serious has happened that has involved him being sent home. It’s never witnessed by the teachers or his 121 assistant (but bullying at the school never seems to be so it’s not just this child).

The child is a lot taller and bigger than the children and although they’ve grown up with him for the past 3 years and they’ve all muddled along with no problems, there are now occasions where children have been scared of him chasing them/hitting out and shouting in class.

He has got a place at a local SEN school but apparently the LA won’t fund the transport for the 26 mile round trip so he can’t go according to his mum (they can’t afford the petrol and the dad’s banned from driving).

So my question is what can we do with a reluctant school? Can we, as parents, put the pressure on the LA to get his transport fully funded so this child can get the best out of his schooling and move to a school more suited to his needs. The school are keen to downplay the incident and I’ve seen the child is back in school today so I’m not sure what lesson has been learnt here, but they obviously cannot cope if he’s being left long enough to touch other children inappropriately and scare children into not wanting to play outside because he’s out there.

Just looking for advice because it seems to me this is escalating and something needs to be done for the safety of all of children in the class.

I feel sorry for everyone in this situation
I feel sorry for child with SEN and his parents
I feel sorry for the other children and their parents
I feel sorry for the teachers

Its frustrating when there is an obvious solution for everyone

And clearly down to money the LA doesn’t want to or can’t spend.

What a taxi is going to achieve here.... The amount of nonsense on these threads. Also venersting a school which allow sexual assaults and oh the poor sexual offenders. Like are you mad or what

I am skeptical that a local authority has flat out refused to fund transport for a child who clearly meets distance criteria. I can believe there is a delay to arrangements coming into effect. Many LAs switched from automatically providing transport to specialist, to parents having to apply. It's possible this has been delayed or parents haven't been helped to apply.

The other possibility is that there is a closer maintained specialist school which said it could also meet the child's needs, let's say 2 miles away, and the LA wanted to name that school but parents wanted the further away school. Under that situation the LA is not obliged to pay for both parental preference of school and for transport to get there, because there is a school just 2 miles away that would have taken him. In that situation they might have to fight more for transport.

And mothers of daughters doing nothing about it. Boycott it, spread the news, go to wherever you have to go!!!

It’s a disabled child. He needs to be in the right setting for his needs.

What exactly do you suggest should be done?

The amount of mothers allowing their kids to be assaulted is astonishing

He's cognitively around two
How do you sort a two year olds morals out?

The amount of absolute nonsense you have just made up is astonishing.

How do you know he’s cognitively around two?

Even if you’re correct, do two year olds behave like this?

So you would be jolly and good with your child being touched on their private parts would you?
I would be furious, just because the child has Sen does not mean they get to get away with this.

I'd be the same as the OP had it of been my DC...

The OP's DC has had their private parts touched and is of course feeling distressed.

But as in some cases with these kind of threads because it's a SEN DC involved the reason for the original post re the DC having their private parts touched has got lost amongst those making excuses for his behaviour.

Touching other peoples private body parts is not something that should be looked on as the next thing to become acceptable.

Because the child's mother said apparently ", obviously I don't know the child so can't say
However I do have a disabled 14 year old who is cognitively around 2/3 ,and whilst he doesn't show any sexual behaviour, he does have extremely challenging behaviour and will hit out.

I don't see anyone suggesting it's acceptable.

Let's be clear. From the OP:

the SEN child in their class touched them & another child ‘over their clothes in their private area

Of course this should not happen and needs addressing. But other children did not have their actual private parts touched. If they had, then this would be a very different situation.
It appears that some posters think that this is what happened.

God, here we go, another ill informed moron has found this thread.

"How do you know he’s cognitively around two?"

His mother has said that he is.
He is not two though. He is a child with a severe learning disability. Sometimes this type of behaviour happens.Its a form of challenging behaviour and needs proper management.

You need to be angry at the school for not safe guiding the children SEN covers a huge range of children from extremely mild needs to profound learning disabilities
If a child is on the severe end they may have little awareness of whst they have done
The onus is on the school though to make sure these incidents don't happen.

I wouldn't and I have made it crystal clear in my post that this is not ok. However, it isn't the disabled child's fault. The whole situation it appears is the result of the LA not meeting their statutory duty and lapses of safeguarding by the school.

Some people on MN really enjoy a disability bashing thread esp if they can lay into a vulnerable child.

It's highly unlikely that the child recognises his actions as sexual. Like a toddler, he's likely to have recognised that when he does a particular thing, it gets attention.

Of course that doesn't help the children he's doing it to, and tennis behaviour had to be controlled. But there are quite a lot of people on this thread who are speaking about this child in the way that they would an adult sex offender, which is way over the top

That's mumsnet for you .

Let's be clear??

the SEN child in their class touched them & another child ‘over their clothes in their private area

So thats at least two DC that were touched in their private area.

But other children did not have their actual private parts touched.

How many DC actually need to have their private parts touched before it does become a very different situation....two, four?

Some people on MN really enjoy a disability bashing thread esp if they can lay into a vulnerable child.

This! It’s grim.

@NewYou42 @Trumptonagain Nobody is saying it is OK on this thread. I've not seen one person say that on this thread. Even parents that actually understand and have experiences of these challenges. They are saying that the school should be safeguarding the child as they are likely not understanding their actions (if they have a special school place, they are likely functiong very well below their age as they are very, very hard to get) and the LA should be paying for transport as it is their legal duty.

Saying a child might not understand their actions due to a neuro-developmental disorder is not saying it is OK to assault someone. Know the difference. It is purely giving a reason for why it is happening and why attempts to control this behaviour might not work.

If it is autism too, some children may have some level of cognitive ability in certain places, but still have extremely poor social functioning. My son literally has none at all and we as parents, an outstanding nursery, a mainstream school and special school are yet to be able to teach him any social rules whatsoever. He is very low functioning. The only reason he was in mainstream for just a year was because we learnt our rights, took no shit from the LA and threw all of our resources at it. Still needed to go to tribunal. Not all families have that ability to fight the system and LAs take advantage of those people, often adopting their own version of the law to delay things.

I think alot of people on here are clearly struggling with the complexity of the situation, and as much as people try to explain that you simply can't tell a child off that doesn't get it, or remove a child from school as it is discrimination (and they will just end up in a situation that will cost more money in the long run), they just dig their heels in further because that is easier than doing any research on the topic, or just keeping out of threads they don't fully understand.

I agree that MN really needs to be doing better with these child disability threads. AIBU is not the place for them and doesn't help the OP find a solution. Half of the people on here wouldn't go to the disability threads as they would just get annihilated and come across as thick.