Page 28 | To not give her a lift?

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 2025-02-12T09:12:46+00:00

My child does an activity, once a week, that's roughly a 30 minute drive from my house, so an hour long round trip. However, one of the parents, who I have never spoken to, has asked other parents where I live, and on discovering that I drive past her house, has decided that I will be taking her child to and from the activity from now on. She has not asked me this! Last week she just left the child at the activity and told the child I would be giving them a ride home. I gave the child a ride home, but not willingly! This child shoved my child out of the way and demanded the front seat, then kicked the back of my seat the whole way home. My child has autism and really needs a quiet car on the way home to decompress, this was quite an ordeal for her. I'm taking my daughter to her activity later and I'm having anxiety over it happening again. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to give this child a ride home?!

MinistryofThyme · 14/02/2025 11:42

Mmmmmm well goodness me.

⬆️🦈

SlightlyJaded · 14/02/2025 11:44

There should be a law that you cannot post without hitting 'see all' of the OP's updates. THe law is, you have to read the first two and the last two at the VERY LEAST. So tedious wading through suggestions based on first post only.

diddl · 14/02/2025 11:45

Well I'll go to the foot of our stairs.

Dita73 · 14/02/2025 11:46

🤔

MNHQ

KimMumsnet · 14/02/2025 11:46

Morning, all. To answer some questions raised above, trollhunting breaks our Talk Gudelines and will be deleted when reported to us. If you have any concerns about a thread or poster, please do report it to us instead of calling it out on the thread - this stops threads getting derailed. Thanks!

HamptonPlace · 14/02/2025 12:04

nip it in the bud!

PullTheBricksDown · 14/02/2025 12:07

KimMumsnet · 14/02/2025 11:46

Morning, all. To answer some questions raised above, trollhunting breaks our Talk Gudelines and will be deleted when reported to us. If you have any concerns about a thread or poster, please do report it to us instead of calling it out on the thread - this stops threads getting derailed. Thanks!

Non answer which doesn't explain why some posts were deleted and others not. Could you explain the inconsistency please?

SofaSpuds · 14/02/2025 12:15

KimMumsnet · 14/02/2025 11:46

Morning, all. To answer some questions raised above, trollhunting breaks our Talk Gudelines and will be deleted when reported to us. If you have any concerns about a thread or poster, please do report it to us instead of calling it out on the thread - this stops threads getting derailed. Thanks!

So does MN review these "reported for trolling" posts or just delete them?

Because tone can be inserted by another poster where not intended by the writer.

@FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee made a very valid point earlier....
My comment was, I think, "this is too much". It could be in reference to anything - the story could be too much or the CF could be too much

Someone obviously reported it, did MN review it or just delete it? Who read Fuckoffee's tone? Maybe she meant the cf of too much and OP is much better off knowing ....

Anyway, I'm going off track - and don't want another ban. It's just a genuine query.

Also, who can be arsed to report someone for saying that?? Seriously, get a life!

TheFifthTellytubby · 14/02/2025 12:20

SlightlyJaded · 14/02/2025 11:44

There should be a law that you cannot post without hitting 'see all' of the OP's updates. THe law is, you have to read the first two and the last two at the VERY LEAST. So tedious wading through suggestions based on first post only.

Edited

I've suggested this before. It ought to be possible to set up something that makes posting a message impossible unless the last message left by the OP has been opened by the new poster. But it would need some kind of whizzkid programmer IT expert to set that up, which I'm not. But I'm sure it's possible.
Failing that, the message box should include a box to tick before posting to confirm that the poster has read the OP's updates. Still might not work, but at least they might stop and think.

HorrorFan81 · 14/02/2025 12:23

HamptonPlace · 14/02/2025 12:04

nip it in the bud!

What are you replying to here? The thread has significantly moved on since the first post

Americano75 · 14/02/2025 12:28

Wow. That escalated. 🙄

Littlejellyuk · 14/02/2025 12:29

I haven't read all of the posts, but me personally I would purposefully miss just one session, and take daughter elsewhere (i know its not ideal for my own child but as a one off to prove a point), but NOT tell the group chat ANYTHING .
Then when the session starts and you're not there, the CF mum will either clock that you arent there, and realise she will have to collect her own daughter (as you're not there) or the activity leader will have to call the mother to TELL her to collect her own daughter at the end of the session.
The next day week I would make a point of saying no lifts from me guys, thanks.

What a hard face cheeky cow to just dump that responsibility on you in the first place.
I would have been livid.

godmum56 · 14/02/2025 12:36

Littlejellyuk · 14/02/2025 12:29

I haven't read all of the posts, but me personally I would purposefully miss just one session, and take daughter elsewhere (i know its not ideal for my own child but as a one off to prove a point), but NOT tell the group chat ANYTHING .
Then when the session starts and you're not there, the CF mum will either clock that you arent there, and realise she will have to collect her own daughter (as you're not there) or the activity leader will have to call the mother to TELL her to collect her own daughter at the end of the session.
The next day week I would make a point of saying no lifts from me guys, thanks.

What a hard face cheeky cow to just dump that responsibility on you in the first place.
I would have been livid.

obvs you haven't even read all the OP's posts!!

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 14/02/2025 12:36

The 'other woman' giving her kid lifts home?
Yeah. Right.
Did none of them think that sounded like a giant pile of steaming bollocks?

LawrenceSMarlowforPresident · 14/02/2025 12:39

Um, O.K. Fascinating.

Comefromaway · 14/02/2025 12:41

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 14/02/2025 08:36

I haven't had time to update due to all the back and forthing with the other parents! CF mum has told so many lies and half truths and spun such a web, this affaire seems to be the tip of the ice berg! Now that all the parents are talking to each other it seems there has been massive CFery goin on. I can't give you all the details, I don't even know the full extent of it! But safe to say, I am DONE with this group. It will take a lot of effort, but I will work with DD into getting her into a different activity.

As someone who used to run a children's activity you have done the right thing. The group leader driving the child home is a MASSIVE red flag. It was drummed into me by our safeguarding advisor and insurance people that I must NEVER do that. I even had to declare driving my own neice home from the activity.

HorrorFan81 · 14/02/2025 12:42

Littlejellyuk · 14/02/2025 12:29

I haven't read all of the posts, but me personally I would purposefully miss just one session, and take daughter elsewhere (i know its not ideal for my own child but as a one off to prove a point), but NOT tell the group chat ANYTHING .
Then when the session starts and you're not there, the CF mum will either clock that you arent there, and realise she will have to collect her own daughter (as you're not there) or the activity leader will have to call the mother to TELL her to collect her own daughter at the end of the session.
The next day week I would make a point of saying no lifts from me guys, thanks.

What a hard face cheeky cow to just dump that responsibility on you in the first place.
I would have been livid.

You dont need to read ALL the posts but surely you'd read OPs posts before offering your advice?

SofaSpuds · 14/02/2025 12:45

HorrorFan81 · 14/02/2025 12:42

You dont need to read ALL the posts but surely you'd read OPs posts before offering your advice?

Show quote history

I often think this (some people can't be bothered with that), you could always read the last couple of posts in the thread..... this will usually give a good indication of how far the thread has moved.

ImmediateReaction · 14/02/2025 12:45

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 14/02/2025 07:56

Sorry I left the thread for a bit. I have been doing a LOT of digging! And my goodness do I have an update!

The leader's irritated reaction as if I was personally responsible for causing an inconvenience, the hostility from a few of the other mums, it just didn't sit right with me, something felt off. These were not normal reactions! I messaged a few other parents privately and got a very curt response from one - apparently after all I'd done, giving a lift home was the least I could do! This completely baffled me, so I rang another mum who has always seemed reasonable. I felt bad for her, as she obviously felt like I'd put her on the spot, but after some dithering she confessed that she had heard the CF's husband had left because of an affaire and it had been implied that I was the Other Woman!!!!! I was absolutely appalled as this is NOT the case! And I made very sure she knew that! I then did more digging and talking to people, and well, it's all come out now!!

Do you want to know the REAL story? CF's husband left because SHE was the one having the affaire! With, wait for it.....the activity leader!!!!!! They had hatched a plan where she would nip round to his and wait there for him, while muggins here took her child home!! I'm absolutely gobsmacked at the audacity of the two of them!! And RAGING at the gossip they were happy to have people believe about me! Apparently I was never named, just heavily hinted towards.

Share this on the WhatsApp group. The suggestion that you were having an affair, that it is wrong etc.

HorrorFan81 · 14/02/2025 12:47

SofaSpuds · 14/02/2025 12:45

I often think this (some people can't be bothered with that), you could always read the last couple of posts in the thread..... this will usually give a good indication of how far the thread has moved.

Show quote history

Exactly! I honestly don't understand the mentality of reading the first post on a thread with 100s of comments and thinking 'yeah I won't bother reading anything else I'll just respond to that'

TheyCallMeMrsBug · 14/02/2025 12:51

Whoa what a turn up for the books. I am impressed with your digging skills.

coldcallerbaiter · 14/02/2025 12:52

Sorry but the mother put a message on the group chat saying you would take the child home. No direct message request to you? Did you respond or did you miss the message? I personally would announce on the group chat that you were not actually asked and how rude it is. Embarrass her.

As for the ‘update’- so this woman is leaving the child with the lodger whilst she has an affair with the activity leader. How do you know this for sure? Seems far fetched

SchoolDilemma17 · 14/02/2025 12:52

PinkFrogss · 14/02/2025 08:01

Wow OP that’s unbelievable.

How were you able to so easily find out she was having an affair with the activity leaders if the others didn’t know?

I don’t believe that update for a minute

LlamaDharma · 14/02/2025 13:01

So when does Shirley Carter find out where Phil really was then? I’m gripped.

dapsnotplimsolls · 14/02/2025 13:17

Hopefully the group leader will be binned now if he's part of a wider organisation. No wonder he was so stroppy when he had to take the kid home!