I have the money for repairs but cannot face dealing with trades. AIBU to just live in the house as it is

[Eastie77Returns]

Just that really. Bought the house a few years ago. I had threads going at the time about my horrendous experience with Trades. In one particular case (main builder) the police ended up getting involved. We thankfully found decent builders to fix his awful work but even they made errors and ruined some of our new flooring with paint.

We did find some good trades: a Carpenter who did our in wardrobes and shelves, the joiner who put in our doors, the flooring team. They were amazing. But the guys we employed for the bigger stuff…it was awful.

Eventually we ran out of cash and just accepted we would live with the shoddy work we couldn’t fix. Now I’ve inherited some money and I’m in a position to get stuff fixed and add a loft conversion. However I’ve decided for the benefit of my mental health that I cannot do it. I cannot face dealing with Trades again. The lies, the dishonesty, the unprofessionalism. It’s too much. I feel it’s inevitable I’ll be ripped off and a loft conversion will involve so much time, money and disruption.

On the other hand, the house looks shabby. It is a bit embarrassing having guests round when so much needs doing.. The walls already need repainting, skirting boards are awful. The house needs a glow up. I am not handy and neither is DP so we cannot do it ourselves. And we really do need the extra room the conversion will bring. I don’t trust any trades.

The funny thing is I do actually like the house. It has grown on me. It’s old but I like the character. I just feel a bit depressed when I look at the grubby walls and all the bits that need doing.

I’m not even sure what my AIBU is. Should I just live in the house as it is for now and protect my well being?

Same, can’t bear it,

The interior designer is a brilliant idea.

You don't owe it to anyone to get trades in. Do what you want in your house. But you say it's embarrassing... it's not great for you mentally to be living in a house you're embarrassed about either.

A couple of alternatives spring to mind. Grasp the nettle and have one last go, get one decorator in to do your main living room and maybe hallway. One hit, done. Second, give yourself a year off. Put a note in your diary for a year's time to reconsider then, when you have trialled living with it for a year. Thirdly, you could whack some paint up on walls and skirting of your main living room in a weekend. It doesn't take weeks of research or tonnes of time. It might just be enough to make you feel better about the house.

You've been burned on big projects but smaller things are different. Being happy with your house's footprint and deciding against an extension is absolutely fine IMO. I met a woman once who hated her house so much after the trauma of building works that they moved. The irony - she was an interior designer!

I’d do the easy jobs like repainting and freshening it up, but I’d leave the renovations until I could face it, all whilst keeping my eye on the property market to see if anything I like that’s more or less ready to move into comes up. Freshening it up might give you the motivation to do the bigger works, or if you decide to sell it will also help with making it presentable to potential buyers.

I have been lucky so far and have had reliable roofers, plumbers, electricians and decorators.

But I still hate having work done. Desperately need a new kitchen, but can't stand the thought of it. A small extention would be nice too, but again, the very thought of it makes me feel stressed.

You don’t need to be handy to paint. If you can butter a slice of toast you can paint a wall.

My friend is having an absolute nightmare with her Architect , builder and other tradesmen , it's completely put me off ever having anything done unless l really have to .
I am wondering if care and repair are the way to go tbh . They recommend ppl to do works for you here .
It's all a risk though 🙄

I am exactly like you OP. I had to bite the bullet and get a new bathroom fitted in the New Year, had been putting it off for ages because I dreaded having trade people in. I got a recommendation from a trusted friend, did my research on the company and just ploughed through it. Took just over three weeks. Trades people were lovely, but I hated having people in my space. Very pleased with the result. I can’t face having the next room done for a few months though, because it was so stressful. There is no logical reason for my attitude and reaction, but it’s how I am.

So no advice other than do your homework, accept how you are, and know that many of us understand.

We had an extension and renovation done - the builder was recommended by the architect and was great. My husband took some months off to do some of the work himself, and I did all the painting (we both work full time). Anyone can paint/fill/sand. It just takes a bit of time and effort. Get recommendations from your local WhatsApp group for trades people.

YANBU they turn up when they want, leave when they want, charge a day rate for about 2 hours of work. I could go on. I had some plumbers in today and all they did was moan about the state of the existing plumbing. All whilst I was trying to work myself. They trod plaster dust round the entire house. I'm not totally sure what they've actually achieved but no doubt I'll be charged through the nose for it.
They then asked why my renovation was taking so long and I pointed out that it had taken them 2 months to be able to fit me in, so these delays compounded by all the trades meant that I still don't have a finished kitchen like I really fucking should do by now ARGH!!

Oh god finally someone like me

I'm exactly the same

Can't face organizing it all

I have been lucky with all three trades I have. I choose small independent traders who live close by. I look at how long they have been trading and say reviews. Try again with really local people if you haven’t already.

I am always dubious about sharing contacts in case things go wrong.

We’re in exactly the same position as yourself, have the money but just can’t face tradesmen in the house. The quotes they’ve given are ridiculous for a simple kitchen, this is the last room, had the house for 11 years. My husband is an amazing DIYer but he’s 61 now and really busy at work, so knackered in the evening, and the weekends go so fast doing things WE want to do.

I had a really bad virus last year, probably Covid, which triggered off an M.S relapse that I haven’t got over, and I can’t mentally cope with the disruption and mess, so I totally understand where you’re coming from.

Learn more about DIY. You can paint walls and skirting yourself and decorate/brighten up the house yourself.

A loft conversation is not essential.

Only do necessary maintenance work (dealing with any leaks/plumbing or electrical issues) so your house does not fall into disrepair to limit contact with trades.

Well I'm relieved people understand what I mean. I thought I was going mad at one point as I saw all these happy clappy people on Insta with lovely, renovated houses that they either did themselves or they found 'a wonderful painter/designer/architect who understood our vision and created this lovely space for us.."

When I say the house embarrases me, I mean it's not a total shit heap. It's just that I notice all the things that are wrong with it as I see the defects day in, day out. The grubby walls, the cracks and gaps. Just the general air of shoddy workmanship here and there. I do like my kitchen and tend to enterain in there but the rooms upstairs make me wince. My bedroom looks okay if I keep the lights turned down so I can't see the issues with the skirting boards and the god awful windows.

I just think what is the point of getting someone in to fix all of this when they probably won't do a much better job? I'll have to once again deal with patronising men who turn up if and when they want, overcharge, create a mess and I'm just left with all the stress.

I would consider looking for somewhere that is properly done up as a PP suggested but the thought of moving house...

I guess I will keep looking for personal recommendations.

Agree dealing with trades is frequently horrendous.

here are two possible solutions.

1. you can learn to paint and do basic work. Unless you have a disability that blocks you doing basic decorating or diy, you CAN learn. You have a choice. Learning new skills gives you independence from dickheads which is a great motivation. Plenty of instructional info on YouTube.

2.hire a professional interior designer to deal with the trades on your behalf. They will use their contacts and they will be pulling their hair out instead of you having the stress, and it’ll be up to you to pay for their time and angst. But it gets it done.

Sorry to hear that Its really shit. DH has COPD and when they come to do our door next week they are doing the wall around it too Dust and crap will be everywhere but because its HA we have to put up with it. NHS may likey be the ones dealing with the consequences

Sorry but not even this guarantees a good service.

Someone in my family had great (and on-going) service from a tradesman so I contacted him to do a job. He turned up on a Saturday, gave me a quote and said he'd be back on Monday to do it. He didn't turn up or contact me. About 6 weeks later he finally contacted me and said he'd be round to do it (I already found someone else to do it by then - and not overly happy with them either).

Other than that, I've had plenty of workmen in and most of it has been utterly shoddy (sometimes not discovered until months or years later). In one case one guy left a potentially lethal electrical fault (the guy who came to read the meter was so astounded he put it right himself).

So yeah, I have very little faith in workmen. So many of them seem to have no pride, no work ethic and perfectly happy to rip you off.

Same here!! Have a painter in at the moment and can’t wait for him to be gone. It’s cost a fortune and I have done a really good job in the rest of the house. I’ll be doing the rest myself again.

anyway. We need the kitchen done and I cannot face it!!

Money not the problem here. Getting quotes is difficult. Getting people to turn up is another hurdle. Having strangers in the house, hate it. So even if everything went well I wouldn't do it.
My DIY skills are limited due to health.
If we move it will be somewhere all done up and needing no work for the foreseeable future.

Same. I'm not spending put again on another tradesman who can't actually fix the issue but will give it a go causing more damage and charging for the pleasure. 5 plumbers to try to find a leak...none could apparently - 2k down in total. 9k on electrics where they didn't make good after. 8k on new boiler where they've sawn through og floorboards and left them wobbling and holes in walls. Not doing any more so am now left with all the plastering needing doing and fixes. They make you feel so stupid while they're in your house too!

Have you tried putting a message on your local Facebook/Next Door page? I agree most trades are a nightmare, but if you get a couple of good ones, they will recommend other people to you.

I really sympathise re tradespeople. There are so many bad ones out there.

This will get me hung drawn and quartered but after a string of bad experiences I try to avoid English tradespeople now. I’m sure there are plenty of good ones but we’ve found they’re more likely to rip you off and do a bad job.

We found a local company who did local authority repairs, loft conversions and similar and asked them to quote for a list of "small" jobs. They arranged all the trades, we had a project manager on call and paid them for everything. It wasn't perfect but when we needed different trades in the right order they made it happen. Probably cost us a bit more but was much easier than us trying to engage everyone separately.

I feel the same way, however whenever we get something sorted it feels so worthwhile.