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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have the money for repairs but cannot face dealing with trades. AIBU to just live in the house as it is

188 replies

Eastie77Returns · 11/02/2025 19:17

Just that really. Bought the house a few years ago. I had threads going at the time about my horrendous experience with Trades. In one particular case (main builder) the police ended up getting involved. We thankfully found decent builders to fix his awful work but even they made errors and ruined some of our new flooring with paint.

We did find some good trades: a Carpenter who did our in wardrobes and shelves, the joiner who put in our doors, the flooring team. They were amazing. But the guys we employed for the bigger stuff…it was awful.

Eventually we ran out of cash and just accepted we would live with the shoddy work we couldn’t fix. Now I’ve inherited some money and I’m in a position to get stuff fixed and add a loft conversion. However I’ve decided for the benefit of my mental health that I cannot do it. I cannot face dealing with Trades again. The lies, the dishonesty, the unprofessionalism. It’s too much. I feel it’s inevitable I’ll be ripped off and a loft conversion will involve so much time, money and disruption.

On the other hand, the house looks shabby. It is a bit embarrassing having guests round when so much needs doing.. The walls already need repainting, skirting boards are awful. The house needs a glow up. I am not handy and neither is DP so we cannot do it ourselves. And we really do need the extra room the conversion will bring. I don’t trust any trades.

The funny thing is I do actually like the house. It has grown on me. It’s old but I like the character. I just feel a bit depressed when I look at the grubby walls and all the bits that need doing.

I’m not even sure what my AIBU is. Should I just live in the house as it is for now and protect my well being?

OP posts:
WhereAreWeNow · 11/02/2025 19:21

I feel the same. It's not so much that I've had bad experience with tradespeople (although I've had some of that), it's more that I find it really stressful getting work done to the house. It all looks so tired and shabby. I'd kind of like to move out and have a decorator/builder/project manager just renovate the whole lot for me. New windows, new floors, repaint, build extension, new kitchen, new bathroom... But it's never going to ha!

Meredusoleil · 11/02/2025 19:23

WhereAreWeNow · 11/02/2025 19:21

I feel the same. It's not so much that I've had bad experience with tradespeople (although I've had some of that), it's more that I find it really stressful getting work done to the house. It all looks so tired and shabby. I'd kind of like to move out and have a decorator/builder/project manager just renovate the whole lot for me. New windows, new floors, repaint, build extension, new kitchen, new bathroom... But it's never going to ha!

Same here.

Have money and time.

No contacts though.

And definitely can't be dealing with the stress and intrusion of it all!

Left · 11/02/2025 19:25

Same!! Am just going to sell my house and buy a new one as that seems less stressful than dealing with trades. Gutted as I love my house 😢

Fidgety31 · 11/02/2025 19:26

The longer you put off having the repairs done - the more disrepair your house will fall into.
so at the point in the future when you really have to get repairs done as your house is falling to bits - it will cost more and take longer as you ignored it for so long .

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 11/02/2025 19:28

Do the repairs only. Leave the loft conversion.

PurpleSky300 · 11/02/2025 19:29

I am the other way around, I have just finished a renovation and now have no money left. I got 'good' tradesmen - as in their work was good - but their reliability, and level of contact, was ridiculous. The plumber took 3 weeks(!) to change my radiators, working one day here and half a day there and doing whatever he wanted, leaving the house an absolute mess. And then the electrician finished the job but kept my keys for two weeks until I was basically begging for them back. I don't really want to deal with either of them again but I don't want to take a chance on others. Grim.

DancingLions · 11/02/2025 19:30

Even when it goes well, it's a hassle getting work done. I'm in an HA place so if there's major works need doing, they generally do it. But it's so much upheaval and stress and mess! I dread needing anything done.

I had to have part of the roof fixed and they dragged their heals over it so the bathroom beneath needed a lot of work due to damage. They fixed the walls and the painter came. It's a teeny tiny bathroom and much of it is tiled. Yet it took the painter a week to paint it! Honestly I could have done each coat in an hour but he strung it over a whole week, doing 6 hour days!

I only ever call them over major things I can't do myself, like the leaking roof. As i find it so stressful dealing with them. So I can understand what you're saying.

FreedomandPeace · 11/02/2025 19:32

I’m an architect and I absolutely agree with you OP

I never tell anyone my dh and I are architects and just leave them to spout utter lies about best practice etc etc.

If they actually speak the truth I’ll use them but tbh it’s very very rare.

So I’ve got really good at diy myself.
Just learnt how to lime render and have bought a moveable scaffold to start on the outside of house when the weathers better. We had a quote of £160,000 to do it so I’ll be saving an awful lot of money as well as not having to put up with crap.

Also can’t stand the ‘is that kettle on ?’ Every hour 🤣

aei22 · 11/02/2025 19:34

You need personal recommendations from people you know and trust.

tealandteal · 11/02/2025 19:36

Can you ask for recommendations from friends? We have just had some work done by a good electrician and it feels so good to have the work done. Painting is something anyone can learn to do and can make a big difference.

Sort the jobs into things you could do and things you need to be qualified to do(loft extension falls in the second category unfortunately), and watch you tube videos to try and learn. We lived in our last house for 9 years and learnt a few things out of frustration with not being able to get someone in, like a little bit of tiling. Am about to attempt laying a new floor in our bathroom, but don’t think I would attempt carpet for example.

Beachcomber · 11/02/2025 19:41

Sort of similar here except that we've been lucky with mostly good tradespeople and we've done the big stuff (roof, windows,etc).
Also we don't currently have the money to do much more.
So we live with it and love it (mostly) as it is.

Doing work is a right hassle and when you work full time and are busy it's incredibly stressful.

Do what works best for you.

VodkaAndSlimline · 11/02/2025 19:47

We had the loft converted in a previous house. It was so stressful. Awful builders: cut corners, didn't do as we asked, didn't turn up. DH was always at work so I was left to deal with them. Not nice having 3 or 4 pissed off blokes telling you you can't have what was agreed. I really had to stand my ground.

Where we live now we have a fb page where people can ask for recommendations for anything - best pub lunch, best place to walk your dog, best decorators etc. I've had some really good trades people from that, particularly our decorator, who always gets lots of recommendations. Do you have anything like that locally?

JenniferBooth · 11/02/2025 19:48

DancingLions · 11/02/2025 19:30

Even when it goes well, it's a hassle getting work done. I'm in an HA place so if there's major works need doing, they generally do it. But it's so much upheaval and stress and mess! I dread needing anything done.

I had to have part of the roof fixed and they dragged their heals over it so the bathroom beneath needed a lot of work due to damage. They fixed the walls and the painter came. It's a teeny tiny bathroom and much of it is tiled. Yet it took the painter a week to paint it! Honestly I could have done each coat in an hour but he strung it over a whole week, doing 6 hour days!

I only ever call them over major things I can't do myself, like the leaking roof. As i find it so stressful dealing with them. So I can understand what you're saying.

Im in an HA flat and i TOTALLY get what you mean. Our estate is going through the THIRD change of front doors on our flats. Every time there is an amendment to the fire regs we have to have this done. Dreading the dust noise and mess.

Scammersarescum · 11/02/2025 19:48

Having worked in construction, I completely agree.

It's hard enough to manage subbies when you have a written standard form contract and pre start meeting minutes, and a program of works, specifications and drawings. They are still tardy. They still over promise and under deliver, they still make errors, they don't work when it's too hot, too cold, too windy or just too Friday.

That's before we mention getting them to actually finish a job and as for getting them back for rectification works even when you're holding 5 per cent retention, well you've probably got more chance of wanking the pope.

I dread employing trades for my own home. Dread it.

BooToYouHalloween · 11/02/2025 19:50

I felt the same as you so we hired an interior designer and she dealt with them. She also had lots of contacts. All the work was great.

Lisa593 · 11/02/2025 19:53

I feel the same. Which is why I do all the painting myself, it makes a huge difference and isn't hard at all.

Sadsister232 · 11/02/2025 20:00

YANBU. My first experience with a tradesman is that I've had nearly 4 grand stolen and now having to go through small claims court. I'm put off for life.

Sadsister232 · 11/02/2025 20:00

Lisa593 · 11/02/2025 19:53

I feel the same. Which is why I do all the painting myself, it makes a huge difference and isn't hard at all.

You see I find painting really hard work! I thought I'd enjoy it but it's so tiring, I feel so achey after, it's really messy and all the prep work is so boring

Original poster
Eastie77Returns · 11/02/2025 20:01

Recommendations…unfortunately the worst experience we had was with the builder who came highly recommended. He had worked for a few friends in the past and did a fantastic job for them apparently but in the intervening years clearly the quality of his work had declined. After we threatened legal action and got our money from him we discovered an online group set up by “Survivors of [builder]” with a host of horror stories!

@tealandteal I genuinely do not know when we would find the time to watch videos and learn to do stuff ourselves. We both work FT. We have two DC. They both have activities after school most days of the week. I am currently dealing with the administration of my late parent’s estate, selling their house and I’m studying for a work qualification.

Sorry, I’m not rejecting ideas out of hand. It just doesn’t seem feasible right now.

@BooToYouHalloween getting someone like a designer to deal with everything could potentially work. It's a question of finding a reputable designer I guess..

Part of me thinks we should sell, buy a new build but a)I like the house and b) I read on these boards and elsewhere that new builds are an absolute nightmare.

OP posts:
Sadsister232 · 11/02/2025 20:01

BooToYouHalloween · 11/02/2025 19:50

I felt the same as you so we hired an interior designer and she dealt with them. She also had lots of contacts. All the work was great.

Oh to have the money to be able to do this!

BeautyQueenPie · 11/02/2025 20:04

Force yourself to do the painting and skirting by choosing your hard then.
Forget the conversion and bigger projects. You are going to have to learn to do these jobs then!

SarahAndQuack · 11/02/2025 20:05

I hate having people in my space, and especially hate the risk of patronising men (sorry, but it is often men) who fleece you/do a bad job.

My top tip would be to go hard after truly personal recommendations - not just 'oh he did my bathroom and he was fine'. I am trade these days and it is so much easier when you work with people as colleagues. It's a bit drastic to suggest you change job just to find someone you can relax around, but honestly, it made all the difference - the problem is, the people I would now go to for expert work are never the people who show up on adverts or through recommendations from the types of people who have smart houses - they're all people who are booked up to the nines already, because they are really good at what they do and don't mess people around. That's why getting a proper contact with someone is so important. Do you know anyone who can vouch for a tradie on a personal level?

BeautyQueenPie · 11/02/2025 20:06

Buying a new property new built orn
not isn't a good idea because dealing with home updates and decoration is part of home ownership. If you aren't dealing with trades you're dealing with landlords and trades.

BeautyQueenPie · 11/02/2025 20:09

I had people vouche and the work was still shit! They either dont do it all themselves or end up taking too long or rushing because they are overbooked. A tradie good once even in the same bouse isn't guaranteed to be good again just like a dentist doing one good job doesn't mean nothing could go wrong for the next tooth. If you want a job well done do it yourself!

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 11/02/2025 20:10

It took me ages and ages to find a really good plumber, electrician, and decorator. I found that people who have good contacts don't actually like to share them.

I've got a really good friend and we always pass on recommendations to each other but everyone else I know, in spite of knowing them for 35 years (and they MUST have had work done in 35 years) never seem keen to recommend.