To be honest when I resign

[Cctviswatchingme001]

Started a new job as a Nanny 6 weeks ago. Mother is not easy to work with. I'm a 40 plus year old mature woman with three teenagers and I have been a childminder/nanny for 14 years. She micro manages everything. Checks my times on the ring doorbell and on their alarm system. Has changed days most weeks since I started and it takes three days for me to be paid after I finish my hours for the week. She is quite dismissive when I tell her I haven't been paid yet. I might add that she demands he is brought to a different play group everyday. I've no problem with this if they were local but they are usually a bus ride or tram away and she doesnt reimburse me for my travel expenses.

Today my throat was hoarse and I have a cough( caught it from her DD). I took tablets and powered on. I was hoping for a gentle day at home playing with toys etc but no she told me he needs to go out and bring him to the library 20 minutes away in the pissings of rain. She was and is not interested in the library. We went for an hour and I feel sick physically.

I know I'm leaving and I want to be honest. I don't need a reference from her as I have excellent references already. Should I be honest and let her know I'm leaving because of her basically. Little girl is a sweet little thing by the way.

Jeez I’m surprised you can tolerate such nonsense

I would relish in telling her where to go!

OP she already knows. She doesn’t care.
Don’t waste your breath or your energy.

I can't really understand why, with all your years of experience, you didn't set out expectations in a contract before starting. Also why you wouldn't simply invoice for expenses at the end of every week.

You can also tell her in advance that you need to know the days by previous Thursday for the coming week (presumably you’ve agreed to work flexibly or were there set days initially)?

As for the checking the Ring doorbell, I would do that the first couple of weeks to get an idea of a person’s punctuality, if she’s still constantly monitoring you then agree that is extremely annoying!

If you feel these things can be ironed out through conversation, you don’t need to just leave so abruptly.

She won't change. Just leave and never look back.

This.

I'd make sure whatever I did was the most inconvenient to her. I.e. just not show up the day after she pays you.
UNLESS you have hopes to get your travel expenses, etc, in which case, resign in the most regretful way possible (but with v short notice), let her woo you back, get your dosh and then bin her off! 😉

That job sounds awful! I would be honest (in a nice way) so she at least has the feedback and the opportunity to change.

Agreed. There is no point. It'll backfire and she won't get it. You should have been more open about asking for expenses.

She sounds awful. I'd tell her why, as above for her daughters sake.

Write her a note and hand it to her as you skip away! She isn’t doing her child any favours.

What’s your notice period?

I wouldn't - she can ruin the reference and it's just not worth it. I get that you want to but protect yourself by not saying anything.

A friend of my mother’s is like this. Lives in a large Manor House on a large estate and has been through umpteen wonderful Filipino staff. Demanding, ridiculous, micromanage-y, pays late, constant changing of parameters. Then says ‘oh darling it’s positively GHAAAASTLY trying to find staff these days’. She doesn’t know she’s the problem. Don’t bother being honest, she won’t listen.

Whatever you do, make sure you get reimbursed for your travel expenses when taking the child out. I’d have said no to that after the first time of not being paid back. It’s piss taking to expect you to cover that.

I would. Otherwise the next person and the next person will be treated the same. So I'd do it for them, and for stability for the child. And also so that I could say 'I discussed these issues with her' if you're trying to get another job with someone she knows and they say they heard that you left without any explanation etc. And what have you got to lose? If you're going to leave anyway you could always just put forward a load of conditions where you can leave if they aren't met eg
Paid a week in advance (carried over if you're off)
Petty cash for days out (no days out if not topped up)
Days out on public transport every other day only, local outings only other days, one day a week from home
Etc

You can if you feel like it and will make you feel better, and you have been paid.

"You dont pay me as agreed, you change my schedule to suit you, you expect me to pay your childs expenses, and you are generally an unpleasant employer. I dont need this job, and good luck finding anyone who will put up with you."

Then block.

Please be honest why you are leaving. That's the minimum I think you should do.

There are some people who there should be a blacklist for. I wonder if the mum is as unreasonable at her work?

You need to invoice her for additional travel costs too. If you have a bus season ticket, then obviously there are no extra costs, but costs you would not otherwise incur should be paid.

It will gain you nothing beyond a momentary sense of satisfaction, and there is a huge risk of it turning into something nasty. Even if you don't need references, it is better to leave on good terms rather than with cross words.

Just tell her rather obliquely that you think they really need something different, and then let her work out over time that that means a doormat that actually won't teach her DD any of the early life lessons she would benefit from.

I would resign with some honesty. You have nothing to lose and it might help you to move on emotionally and give her a few pointers when she's looking for her next Nanny!
I would advise though OP that you get much more detail written into your next contract such as travel expenses and salary date etc. You could request a Nanny expenses card, like a prepaid debit card, which are popular with Nannies that I know, that the parents top up to pay for daily expenses like bus fares and entry into playgroups etc. Sounds like you've learnt a lot with this family so use this when you get your next job. Good luck!

Better to quit suddenly with minimal explanation. Sends a far stronger message.

100% be honest

Don’t be honest. I was honest one time.

They then didn’t want to pay me for the last few weeks work and were happy to leave me in the shit. I had to really fight to get that money despite the fact that I had worked hard and paid big expenses to get there. They didn’t care and were happy to leave me in the merde.

Perhaps tell her you are going on holiday and then get your money and then tell her you obliquely that you are unable to come back.

I know this sounds unorthodox. But it’s not nice being out of pocket and having someone refuse to pay you and then make up lies about why you have left.

She’s nasty enough now. Imagine what she would be like if you were honest with her and she had nothing to lose. She would likely be incredibly nasty and leave you shafted.

She could accuse you of stealing or do something horrible. She’s just an unpleasant individual who will have no qualms about trampling over your life and prospects.