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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be honest when I resign

146 replies

Cctviswatchingme001 · 11/02/2025 15:03

Started a new job as a Nanny 6 weeks ago. Mother is not easy to work with. I'm a 40 plus year old mature woman with three teenagers and I have been a childminder/nanny for 14 years. She micro manages everything. Checks my times on the ring doorbell and on their alarm system. Has changed days most weeks since I started and it takes three days for me to be paid after I finish my hours for the week. She is quite dismissive when I tell her I haven't been paid yet. I might add that she demands he is brought to a different play group everyday. I've no problem with this if they were local but they are usually a bus ride or tram away and she doesnt reimburse me for my travel expenses.

Today my throat was hoarse and I have a cough( caught it from her DD). I took tablets and powered on. I was hoping for a gentle day at home playing with toys etc but no she told me he needs to go out and bring him to the library 20 minutes away in the pissings of rain. She was and is not interested in the library. We went for an hour and I feel sick physically.

I know I'm leaving and I want to be honest. I don't need a reference from her as I have excellent references already. Should I be honest and let her know I'm leaving because of her basically. Little girl is a sweet little thing by the way.

OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 11/02/2025 16:57

I would bring words like ACAS and employment solicitor into the conversation. A contract of employment works 2 ways. It tells you when you get paid and it's her obligation to pay you.

Cattreesea · 11/02/2025 17:44

Make sure you get you last wage and then tell her you are leaving and why in an email. Then leave it at that.

She sounds dreadful, stingy, controlling and entitled. People like that rarely accept that they need to change their behaviour...

RubyRedBow · 11/02/2025 17:46

I would definitely blame her late payment and not paying travel expenses.

Next time make sure they are covered in your contract.

RubyRedBow · 11/02/2025 17:52

Are you the same nanny who posted about having to walk to groups or the library every day in the rain?

pimplebum · 11/02/2025 17:55

Draw up a list of all the times you got the bus and the cost add it up and invoice her for it
when you next get paid ( bus fare as well ) tell her you are leaving

AdoraBell · 11/02/2025 18:00

YANBU, but I would keep it neutral by saying it’s just not working for you.

StrikeAlways · 11/02/2025 18:41

MuggleMe · 11/02/2025 15:10

I would for the sake of the child, as you don't want her to have a revolving door of nannies.

Tell her it's not acceptable to have to pay for expenses yourself, and some give and take is usual if you're feeling unwell.

The pay side of things, what was agreed?

This 👆

Itsawildworld85 · 11/02/2025 18:45

rookiemere · 11/02/2025 15:13

I really wouldn't be honest. There's no benefit to you, she won't take it on board anyway.

This...she sounds arrogant and won't think anyone else's opinion matters so I don't think it will make any difference I'd say that I've had a change in circumstances

jgjgjgjgjg · 11/02/2025 18:47

I'm finding it hard to believe that you are a professional Nanny. If you were, you would have agreed and both signed a set contract of employment before starting. That would state the pay and the contractual hours of work as well as what household duties you are to do (i.e. child laundry). It would also outline the procedure for reimbursement of expenses and costs incurred in looking after your charge. You would also have had a conversation about key areas of parenting, including the types of activities you are to take the little one to and the approximate daily routine.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 11/02/2025 18:51

Cctviswatchingme001 · 11/02/2025 15:57

Oh I'm definitely waiting until I receive my wages before I leave.

It's not really clear from your posts so far - gave you been paid at all for the work you've done? And do you have a proper contract?

I ask because, if she sees you as free labour - soon to be replaced with another one - there's little point in staying a racking up more money owed, but hopefully you mean she's paid you in the end?

And to answer your question I see no point in saying why you're leaving; if she was capable of taking it on board she wouldn't be behaving like this in the first place

Typo

BoldAmberDuck · 11/02/2025 18:52

Awful woman! Definitely tell her!

JimHalpertsWife · 11/02/2025 18:53

How late are your current wages?

Next time she says "go here" I'd say "I can't, you've not paid me"

Hwi · 11/02/2025 18:57

I always ask - are you paid enough? I have different clients - some clients pay me insane amounts of money and I shall take any sort of rubbish from them, because of the pay and if they cancel, they pay, and they pay for every move I make. Other clients are stingy and pay the bare minimum they can get away with - and with them my attitude is you might expect, I do the bare minimum.

FoxtonFoxton · 11/02/2025 18:58

I would probably do an email saying it isn't working out for you, wish her the best and forget it. Good childcare is like gold dust; you can have your pick. If she asks, you could elaborate, but she'll probably blame you so what's the point. It's only been six weeks.

Tittibits · 11/02/2025 19:00

She is treating you like a servant. Fuck that!

2021x · 11/02/2025 19:06

You could tell her but she doesn’t care about being a good employer or she would pay you on time and pay your travel costs.

Don’t waste your energy, and let other childminders know about the wages and not covering travel costs. Also ensure that a payment schedule and costs are
covered in a contract

SchoolDilemma17 · 11/02/2025 19:11

Two things:
-her telling you which groups to go to is not being unreasonable. You are her nanny not a childminder so she can tell you what to do.
-if you can’t go to the library then you are not well enough to work. If you are sick, stay at home.

but
you should get paid expenses and be paid on time of course. Why are you not invoicing your expenses and have a penalty for late payment?

ButIToldYouSoooo · 11/02/2025 19:13

STop taking the DC anywhere that requires you to pay for transport. Just stop. Tell her why if she asks.

And resign. She's taking the piss.

sarah419 · 11/02/2025 19:14

don’t put yourself through having to explain to someone like that who is very likely going to get dismissive and defensive - just hand in your notice. poor kid too..

PrincessOfPreschool · 11/02/2025 19:17

Does she have a partner? I would email them both if you know the partner's email. Someone needs to resign her in a bit. It's not fair on the child to go through loads of nannies and literally no one will put up with that treatment.

PrincessOfPreschool · 11/02/2025 19:18

Sorry, should say 'rein her in a bit'.

aei22 · 11/02/2025 19:26

She’s completely taking the piss.

However, I would not be honest. This kind of person won’t take it on board - she sounds arrogant and dismissive and will just think you’re the problem. Wonder how many nannies she’s been through.

I would say something really bland, such as “thank you for this opportunity. The role is not a good fit for me so I will be leaving - I would be happy to work notice of 1 week (until February 18th) - please let me know if you would like me to do this.

aei22 · 11/02/2025 19:27

PrincessOfPreschool · 11/02/2025 19:17

Does she have a partner? I would email them both if you know the partner's email. Someone needs to resign her in a bit. It's not fair on the child to go through loads of nannies and literally no one will put up with that treatment.

She probably treats her partner like shit as well - this kind of person doesn’t really get reined in!

ThisZanyPinkSquid · 11/02/2025 19:38

I think it’s fair to give her feedback. You would have an exit interview with any other employer so think it’s only fair to her to see where she needs to improve (pay etc). I understand as a mother leaving your kids in the care of someone else is difficult but watching it all on the ring is a little creepy 🙈

EdgarAllenRaven · 11/02/2025 19:44

I don’t see the issue with wanting the child to do different things each day.
I don’t see the issue with a 20mins walk really… but if it bothers someone, they can always ask “do you mind if we stay home today as I’m a bit under the weather?”
Have you added the Travel expenses to your weekly invoice?

It sounds like you’re not having conversations about your own needs..?
I also used to pay my Nanny by the following Monday. But appreciate if you’ve agreed Friday evening then it’s annoying she keeps forgetting.
Friday evenings can be busy, why not agree a time for payment that suits you both Eg by midday Saturday?

You need to talk.