Friend kissed my baby, feeling upset

[Lurkinmn]

A friend came to visit me and asked if she can take the baby. Baby is 16 weeks old, I gave her the baby and she did a quick peck on my baby's cheek. I was shocked that why would she kiss other people's baby. I was upset and when she left I wiped my baby's face but I am feeling quite upset about her inconsiderate behaviour putting my baby's health risk. Baby has been fussy last night and I am feeling quite worried about my baby's health. Baby has all her vaccines so far.
What should I do and what should I say to her and other visitors coming to our place to see baby?

I totally understand your worries, I was exactly the same. In fact, I posted a very similar fear many moons ago when my DTs were babies because a total stranger tickled DD under the chin when she was about 4 months and she grabbed his finger and shoved it straight in her mouth. I was on a spiral of infectious diseases, total panic (so much so I posted on MN) and I was very lovingly told by everyone who posted to just chill out. They were right! Very soon your little one will be eating everything in sight as you know, because your older ones will have done it!

Give your scrumptious baby lots of kisses and cuddles (unless you’re unwell) and remember it’ll be ok and you know what to do in the extremely unlikely event she becomes poorly.

I am sorry.
But this is extreme.

Even the horses kiss my kids! One of them plants his nose on my 5 year olds lips every time he sees her to be smooched.

Bit of dirt does them good. Builds a healthy immune system.

I think it's the baby's safety that most of us are concerned about.

You're poor baby, so so sad that you arent kissing them all day, every night.

Fast forward 20yrs and they will be on here saying they never had affection from their family.

I wouldn't kiss anyone's baby because I would have no interest in doing so.
You sound a bit odd.

You sound pathetic OP and very controlling. You are depriving that poor tiny baby of affection because of YOUR hypochondria.

Oh OP, please kiss your baby. I have a 4 month old and there's nothing more glorious than kissing his cheeks, it is my favourite moment of the days and makes all the sleep deprivation etc worth it. I do sometimes kiss him on the lips, but mostly his cheeks and head. X

Your mum risking you getting the herpes virus doesn’t mean other mothers should do so. Getting herpes doesn’t improve your immune system fgs. It’s also flu season, RSV, Covid etc and this baby won’t be hurt by friends of her mother not kissing her face! The amount of people kissing others babies is truly shocking.

I think people are being quite harsh in the replies. As a previous poster pointed out, it’s RSV season and something like that can really harm a newborn. When I had my son I was advised to not let adults kiss my son on the mouth or close to it because of that and do you know if your family get cold sores? I don’t know my family’s status regarding that, so when my boy was very small no one kissed his face. And in the advice I received from my GP and health visitor to not let family kiss on or near the mouth when he was a newborn, they never tell you really when to ‘lighten up’ and when the risk drops. So I think some parents just stick with it to be safe.

Now my parents and in laws and his sibling kiss his cheek or head, but my boy hasn’t suffered any ill-effects from only having head kisses from family for the first few months of his life. Family cuddled him, sung to him, he napped on them. He certainly wasn’t deprived of love and physical affection. I struggled hard for years to fall pregnant, I wasn’t willing to jeopardise the health of my precious baby so my family could kiss him when he was small and at risk of getting very poorly.

Some parents just handle this differently. My LB’s immune system is excellent and he’s only had one cold in his 16 months of life, and in the other parenting communities I’m in (mostly FTM Facebook groups!) this post would have had a totally different and supportive reaction. I was lucky my family understood completely, and respected what I wanted. He gets all the kisses on his head and cheek he could dream of now!

Ok and some of us find kissing babies on the mouth bizarre and odd. She also has cold sores! This thread is getting a bit out of control when OP asked about her friend kissing her baby. I’m wondering if there is a huge generational gap going on because I don’t know anyone who would kiss a friends baby. Cuddle yes, kiss no.

I think most of us are talking about kissing on the cheek, not the mouth.

My mother (ex nurse) didn't kiss her own grandchildren on the face and neither did DMIL. They kissed them on the side or top of their heads as did DH and I.

As if the baby is going to care if they are kissed on their face or side of their head.

There is enough advice out there about kissing babies to avoid transmission of cold sore virus, etc. for people to know this stuff. The person kissing a baby on their face or kissing their hands, or shoving their fingers in their mouth (just why?) isn't the person who's going to be staying up all night with a sick, fractious baby so maybe they could just keep any germs they may be carrying to themselves.

Absolutely crackers! But what’s more crackers is not kissing your baby!!! Mine loves being kissed, her little face lights up when I kiss her! Unless your friend is riddled you are being silly.

Are you suffering from anxiety because if not you shouldn’t be worried about someone kissing your baby’s cheek

Whilst I wouldn't kiss someone else's baby I don't think it's outrageous enough to post here.

Mums are biologically programmed to kiss their babies. Lots. It puts whatever germs are on them into your system so that your immune system can form antibodies to pass to your baby through your breast milk. So regardless of your friend, YOU should definitely be kissing the baby if you don’t have active cold sores.

OMG, when my now 8yo DS was a baby he was showered with kisses by me, my husband, MIL, FIL, DM, DF.....

She didnt kiss the baby on the mouth though just the face, which isnt much different to the head.

Honestly OP I think you're massively overreacting, your baby is not a newborn, babies and kids get sick and hurt themselves its part of life and something you cant really protect them from and for the most part you shouldnt either.

I can understand you being a little annoyed she kissed your baby on the face but is this cause she did it before you did? At 4m she probably didnt think and did it on instinct. I dont kiss other peoples babies but if you trust this person enough to leave baby with them then I certainly wouldnt make an issue out of a lil kiss, your baby is loved.

Also and I mean this nicely but i think you should speak to someone or get counselling because it's a massive overreaction to not have kissed your own 4m old child yet and to not allow immediate family to do this either. It's very OTT. Being overly clean and never exposed to any dirt or germs is actually not good for our immune systems at all and some evidence suggests can actually lead to autoimmune conditions if children are raised in very sterile environments.

The most important thing as well is not to limit your child's experiences because of your own fears.

I get it OP and I’m sorry you’re feeling upset (which is a valid reaction given you’re anxious). I used to get upset about people coming near the baby without washing their hands (having been on public transport). However, most people wouldn’t think this stuff is a problem and it’s hard to imagine how protective you are / were / would be when you haven’t got a tiny baby in your lap and all the swirling hormones going around.

Such a depressing and worrying OP post. People truly have lost their minds over imagined contamination/germs/personal space. Not to mention this odd attitude that nobody should touch, talk to or even look at their babies and young children. It seems mad to me. I'm sure the rest of Europe watches us with a mixture of horror and hilarity.

OP, and anyone else suffering similar derangement that someone might TOUCH their baby! - babies thrive on close physical contact with their nearby humans. That doesn't have to be confined to immediate family. Good friends are part of their universe and it's great for them to get to know people outside their household. It's essential for their cognitive and social development and it's good for their health too. They are developing their immune systems. Your baby isn't going to get a notifiable disease because a good friend of yours gave her a non-sloppy kiss on her adorable little cheek! BUT a little bit of normal contact with the outside world will help her immune system to develop NORMALLY. Babies didn't evolve to live in sterile bubbles and it's not good for them to be isolated to this extent.

I'm genuinely shocked and saddened that you haven't kissed your own baby. You do know this isn't normal, right? I honestly think you need to speak to a GP, or self-refer to an NHS counselling service, for your germaphobe anxieties.

Well if there is a ‘huge generational gap’ going on, you’ve got to wonder why in the old days very few kids had allergies etc. Wrapping them up in cotton wool does them no favours at all. When I had my lot (over 20 years ago now) they’d get passed around like pass the parcel for friends/family to kiss/cuddle, even random old ladies in the street would stroke their face. Can you imagine mothers letting that happen now? The anti-bac spray would be out quicker than the old lady could say hello 😆

yes, often. Close friends and family, absolutely definitely yes. Nobody has insisted I autoclave myself on entry to the house either. But then I'm half-Foreign (EU) and we are well known for being extremely child-friendly.

OP I don't want to worry you, but you do know that 16 weeks ago, this gorgeous baby came out of your foof? Did you sterilise that?

I was very funny about people kissing my baby when she was born during the pandemic. I had a work friend doing repeated kisses on my baby like "mwah mwah mwah" and I just said "please can you stop kissing her I feel a bit anxious about illnesses etc," I text her after to explain (I had a real fear of cold sores) and she totally understood and said she had never had one and it was all sorted. So unlike other PP I do totally understand your fear, it may look irrational from the outside but the heart drop feeling is very real.

Personally I would try set this aside, maybe message her and explain how you feel, she likely just did it out of habit and didn't really mean to.