Friend kissed my baby, feeling upset

[Lurkinmn]

A friend came to visit me and asked if she can take the baby. Baby is 16 weeks old, I gave her the baby and she did a quick peck on my baby's cheek. I was shocked that why would she kiss other people's baby. I was upset and when she left I wiped my baby's face but I am feeling quite upset about her inconsiderate behaviour putting my baby's health risk. Baby has been fussy last night and I am feeling quite worried about my baby's health. Baby has all her vaccines so far.
What should I do and what should I say to her and other visitors coming to our place to see baby?

Yes, I kissed my babies all day long and well, just about every baby I have held - just on the forehead. I'm relieved to see so many yanbus, I had no idea that anyone would have an issue with this.

Obviously there are strict rules for people with cold sores not to kiss babies but otherwise, I mean, that's how you say hello...right?

some of the repies om here are cruel. maybe its a cultural thing going on ? Or anxiety that has been overblown by pnd ? i dont think you are being unreasonable, but i know, from my own experiance, that if you can you should try to relax over germs. babies cant be not exposed to dirt and germs as it builds up resistance. Maybe you should speak to a family member or your doctor if your feeling anxious in any way.

You are past the dangerous newborn phase, so your baby will be fine! Some people are not aware of the dangers. I saw someone kiss my nephew as a newborn on the forehead and my brother in law told his friend gently with a little laugh that you don't kiss newborns. Nephew survived and is a strong, happy, healthy boy :)

If you have health anxiety, just explain as you pass over the baby, no kissing the baby because still too young and you want to be careful.

I have never, ever, met or heard before of a family who have never kissed their 4-month-old baby's face.

The OP clearly has huge health anxieties about her children. Perhaps this is understandable if her older DC has been very ill, but it won't do her children any favours in the long run, and imo the best sound advice is for her to realise that she has a problem and is in danger of transmitting her illogical anxieties to her children.

I kissed my friend’s baby on the head by accident the other day. I used to kiss mine like that all the time and wasn’t thinking. It’s not something I would generally do with other people’s children but no harm done.

what a compassionate person you are ..

When did this no kissing babies lunacy start? You do know children need to build up an immune system.

They have mothers demented trying to negate every single risk that might befall their baby, regardless of the benefits that might be achieved through that risk, and then when it triggers anxiety - they tell you it's an individual flaw to feel on red alert about everything. What this society does to mothers is a complete headfuck. No wonder the fertility rate is dropping through the floor.

I’ve heard of plenty of people who don’t want their babies kissed and I think it’s completely reasonable until the parent feels ready.
i don’t get the obsession with people wanting to put their mouths all over babies faces, mum has clearly stated she kisses baby just not on the face, 4 months is still very young and I’m sure once she’s ready and feels comfortable baby will be kissed on the face by herself, dad and sibling.

I just find it unreasonable the amount of ignorant comments on here, name calling her, saying ‘poor baby’ etc instead of people actually seeing what she’s saying.
im sure the little baby is well loved by them all it’s not going to be deprived or unloved if it’s not kissed on the face for a while!

@Upstartled Yep. Never did all the generations of my family any harm to be kissed as babies. Who made up this new “rule” and what happens when these kids start nursery and then school??

so no-one can kiss your baby - all part of immune building good stuff unless they have raging cold sores - but you're happy to give them with vaccines with adjuvants containing formaldehyde, aluminium, foetal tissue, antibiotics amongst others?

I'm amazed you are not smothering your baby with kisses!!

Assuming this isn’t a joke…you need to speak to someone about your irrational anxiety.

Cold sores are serious risk, eczema herpeticum can kill babies quickly and easily but someone without a cold sores is absolutely fine to deliver a peck on the check with little to no risk.

Leave your friend aside

You say YOU and YOUR family DONT kiss baby on face ?

Poor poor child - it's a baby - it understands very little but it does understand normal human affection

I get cold sores and have always smothered all 3 of mine with kisses from birth, still do if they’ll let me! All are now over 30 and are perfectly healthy, if I had an active cold sore I wouldn’t kiss but other than that how can you not ! I remember developing a kind of cheek rubbing “ kiss “ when I had one .

I mean to be blunt - you are "protecting " the physical health and increasing risk of mental health problems

I think you should maybe get some therapy and talk through your irrational anxiety.
Perhaps you have a little bit of post natal?

If breastfeeding you definitely should kiss your baby, pick up germs and produce antibodies in the milk for her. Also definitely kiss her anyway! But with a friend just ask pls don't kiss baby people don't even think about it I doubt it was on purpose to annoy you

This actually depends on the friend. I have friends who are physical because they come from families who are, and they would kiss the baby. Others, like myself, wouldn't. We're all different. But I was quite nervous when mine were babies so I did say no kisses, especially during the winter months. Then DS2 came and DS1 obviously game him chicken pox and all diseases possible right away 😅.

Oh, to add I would definitely kiss my baby. I just wouldn't kiss other babies but definitely hug kids etc. I couldn't imagine not kissing my baby.

I’m with you @Lurkinmn

Neonatal Herpes can be very serious.

DP’s niece was kissing my DS as a newborn, and she had a spot on her lip. I was freaking out.

Then a friend came round with her son, and announced she was just off to the doctor’s afterwards as her son had an ear infection.

People can be bloody thoughtless.

I think you are massively overreacting. I say this as someone who has never kissed another person's baby as I've never wanted to but other people especially older relatives have kissed mine.

My oldest had RSV multiple times as a baby and toddler with hospital admissions but I do not think a couple of of kisses on the cheek from healthy people caused this. Cold viruses are everywhere and can't really be avoided. She just had more difficulty dealing with bronchiolitis, croup etc than her sister did. She had suspected asthma but is fine now her breathing tubes have grown.

I'm emetaphobic so scared of people getting or having stomach bugs, very strict on the 48 hour rule and am pretty good at avoiding such illnesses but a healthy person kissing a baby on the cheek is not scary to me.

I would be annoyed about a kiss on the mouth but not hugely worried as if the person is healthy there is no concern.

Kids need exposure to germs to develop healthy immune systems.

I get coldsores and don't kiss the kids when I have them.

You sound like you have gave birth to baby Jesus.
Im a part of a dying generation on MN never heard of not showing affection to a child.
Some of the threads i read on here i often wonder why son have babys.

I've read it all now...
Get a bloody grip for God's sake.

OP, without wishing to be unkind, you are massively over-reacting. You do know it’s far less germ-spreading to give someone a kiss on the cheek than to shake their hand? Your baby will not die from a peck on the cheek. Be pleased that your friend thinks enough of your baby to want to. (And I admit, had you let me hold your baby - and yes, I would have asked permission first - I might well have kissed it, probably on the head but possibly on the cheek.)