Page 12 | Struggling with son's girlfriends personality

Bluebrownies · 2025-02-10T23:28:59+00:00

Hi all, so my son is 23, in August he set off to go travelling, he met a girl on the trip and they are now dating. He came home last Monday, just for 3 weeks, then they are going to her parents for 3 weeks before setting off around Europe. We live in London so they are staying with us which is great as we missed him a lot, plus they are keeping themselves busy with museums/theatre etc. She lives abroad and a lot more rural so that will be a nice change of pace for them when they stop with her family. The issue is I'm really struggling with his girlfriend's personality, she is respectful but I find her quite "a lot". She is very confident, I thought it might be a front as she was nervous but I'm now thinking she is just naturally very self-assured. Obviously there is nothing wrong with confidence but I've also found her to be very judgemental, she has said multiple times that brits are all so fat (as someone with a higher BMI I feel like this is targeted) and she has said several times British girls are ugly, in front of my impressionable teen girls (13 and 16). She usually follows with "not you guys but generally". I also feel like she is just overly opinionated in general, be it the food I cook, what I'm drinking etc. she has something to say about everything. We also seem to be having a massive PDA issue, I know this is my son too but he has never been like this before, I feel like they are always touching in some way, she constantly plays with his hair or his hands, they kiss all the time, be it pecks or longer kisses it seems to be every 5 minutes, we went out to the pub for rugby on Saturday and despite their being plenty of seats she insisted on sitting on his lap, even feeding him food off her plate like he was a toddler. It all just makes me little uncomfortable, nothing against hand holding, odd kiss here and there but it's relentless, even when I'm trying to talk to them. There are other things I dislike but I know aren't really any of my business (her dress sense is very revealing for one). I'm finding it quite draining as obviously she is always with my son and I don't enjoy her presence so I almost avoid them both. I was so looking forward to having him home but now I'm looking forward to them going). My husband thinks it's just cultural and I will learn to love her but AIBU to feel like this because of these things?

Sunholidays · 11/02/2025 08:25

She sounds a bit self-obsessed and she's definitely rude.

In my experience Italians are often too full of themselves, so that doesn't surprise me.

For your son's sake I'd try and ignore her behaviour as much as I could and just try and push them towards leaving your house as soon as it's reasonably possible.

Viviennemary · 11/02/2025 08:27

She sounds an annoying pain in the neck. Doesn't know how to behave. And is quite rude. You will just have to hope your son grows out of her.

Patterncarmen · 11/02/2025 08:30

Sunholidays · 11/02/2025 08:25

She sounds a bit self-obsessed and she's definitely rude.

In my experience Italians are often too full of themselves, so that doesn't surprise me.

For your son's sake I'd try and ignore her behaviour as much as I could and just try and push them towards leaving your house as soon as it's reasonably possible.

Edited

Again, cultural differences here.. Maybe the OP’s son finds his girlfriend’s candour refreshing instead of egotistical?

Sickandtiredofthisbullshit · 11/02/2025 08:32

Galdownunder · 11/02/2025 02:23

My husband is Portuguese so I visit there every 18ontjs or so. Most of the young women (under 30) are conventionally slim but the majority of older married women are grey and fat. Remind her of what she’ll look like thanks to her genetics 🤣

Lol- this is so funny.

I remember this kind of attitude from some European female travellers when I was young and travelling. How we’re all so fat, badly dressed, uncultured and eat badly.

They’d be saying this when surrounded by skinny leggy young women, mostly uni educated.

it’s bullshit and rooted in insecurity.

do you have a nice house in London OP? I’m guessing she’s feeling a little like the poor relation. If she’s from rural Italy, her probably costs the same as a garage in Hounslow.

SchoolDilemma17 · 11/02/2025 08:33

Those who think she is rude, be grateful you don’t have Italian family members who are as outspoken. 🤣
I had family members tell me off for giving my kids babybel (not real cheese) and berries in winter (not in season).
A lot of Italian say what they think and have strong views especially about food!

LoganberryWay · 11/02/2025 08:35

"Why don’t you have her show you how to make Bolognese and you can show her how to make a speciality you like?"

Excellent idea.

SchoolDilemma17 · 11/02/2025 08:35

Sickandtiredofthisbullshit · 11/02/2025 08:32

Lol- this is so funny.

I remember this kind of attitude from some European female travellers when I was young and travelling. How we’re all so fat, badly dressed, uncultured and eat badly.

They’d be saying this when surrounded by skinny leggy young women, mostly uni educated.

it’s bullshit and rooted in insecurity.

do you have a nice house in London OP? I’m guessing she’s feeling a little like the poor relation. If she’s from rural Italy, her probably costs the same as a garage in Hounslow.

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Your comment is so rude about Italy and Italians too. You are projecting some insecurities to a young, healthy and pretty girl. Why would she even care what her house is worth?!

Btw rural England is no better or posher than rural Italy. And Italians are not as obsessed by house prices as Brits are.

JANEY205 · 11/02/2025 08:36

Keep calling her out on it every time. I bet Italians would be really offended having your husband say it’s their culture, it isn’t. The ones I’ve met have never ever been so rude!

Id have to say to her directly please stop with the rude comments. Keep saying ‘that was unpleasant’ ‘if you don’t like our food maybe you can go elsewhere whilst I cook/eat it’ and keep saying there is a chair please sit on it when we are out.
You really need to pull your son up on the disrespect too! It’s not ok. I wouldn’t tolerate the pda at all.

Didimum · 11/02/2025 08:38

How old is she? Grit your teeth and bear it. They will probably break up at some point and/or she will mellow with age once she gets some real life experience under her belt.

Batshit1234 · 11/02/2025 08:42

Newfoundzestforlife · 11/02/2025 06:47

Indeed. My partner would probably be the same. It's infuriating and makes you feel so alone.

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Having seen my own father do this to my mother and taking absolute years to see someone is an arse, I get so frustrated with this. I have gone as far as to tell my darling husband that if he does this to me I will leave him. If things are nipped in the bud early and crap behaviour called out by all it can stop things escalating🥲

SallyWD · 11/02/2025 08:42

SchoolDilemma17 · 11/02/2025 08:04

Tbf I think a lot of people would agree with this (too much cola, sauce from a jar etc) but just not say it especially as house guests.

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I have to admit I wouldn't like a sauce from a jar and I'd never cook a bolognaise for an Italian using sauce from a jar, I disapprove of Cola on an every day basis and I wouldn't like a meal without vegetables or salad. However, I'd keep quiet about it, maybe due to my British manners.

JandamiHash · 11/02/2025 08:42

user1492757084 · 11/02/2025 07:43

I would take to heart her comment on drinking cola.
It is full of empty calories and a sometimes food - not for drinking every week...unless you want to pay for your dentist's new car.
I think most people would be surprised and comment if seeing Brits out drinking soft drinks with every meal, assuming it's not you, Op.

I drink it every day, have no problems with my teeth.

JandamiHash · 11/02/2025 08:46

beAsensible1 · 11/02/2025 07:53

OP asked her opinions and observations on Britain!!

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Doesn’t give someone Carte Blanche to be rude. Evens Italians can exercise diplomacy

CienAnosDeSoledad · 11/02/2025 08:48

SallyWD · 11/02/2025 08:23

But you have to take in cultural differences. The British notion of manners is unique. For example, if I give my foreign in-laws a gift they don't like they'll just tell me they don't it. A British person would probably say "oh I love it, thank you".
I think many Europeans don't believe it's rude to comment on fatness - at least not to the extent we think think it's rude. I'm pretty sure they know it's rude to call an entire nation ugly though!

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It's not 'manners' though, it's spinelessness, meekness and people pleasing. Absolute lack of character. That's definitely not a good thing, in case I wasn't clear.

How many times I read on here: my MIL gifts me men's size XXL boxers for the past 15 Xmas, I'm a woman size 10, I just smile, thank and wave. OR: I visited my friend and was offered coffee, I don't like coffee, but she was out of tea and insisted we'd have a cup of coffee, so I accepted it, smile, grin&bear it and was sick afterwards. Etc etc etc. So many examples

That's not 'manners', that's stupidity. Same here, OP thinks the girlfriend is a rude cow. And seethes quietly, complaining here, to her husband, but not saying a word to her or the son. Why? Because you're ' a gracious host and don't want to alienate your son'? No, it's because you don't have the balls. Just own it.

No Italian mother would sit meekly in her own house being attacked by some girl, she'd give it to her both barrels, loudly and clearly, the girl would run bawling. And no good Italian son would sit quietly whilst his girlfriend is thrashing her mother.

I'm Eastern European, only the Dutch rival us in the directness stakes. I'd tell her straight in her face, to pack in the lap-sitting and munching each others faces off, we're not a brothel or a porn set, we have our rooms for that, no one ones to see their raging hormones at the breakfast table.

As for fat Brits and shit food, well that's the honest truth. It's not 'Italians', everyone in Europe think that. And why? Because it's the truth. I couldn't with good concience deny it, so I wouldn't call her out on it. Brits are fat, not good looking (being polite) and the food is shit. Jar sauce, countless cokes and instant coffee. And for an Italian, no less? That's just abysmal. But shit, I'm as blunt and ballsy as they come, but I wouldn't cook pasta for an Italian, that's something, hats off to you for that, OP.

And again, she's factually completely correct in all her assertions, but if you don't like it, just give it to her straight: we don't comment about people's appearances in this house, it's rude to critique host's country in this way over here, my health, food and weight is not your businesss, so STFU.

God help you OP, if the next girlfriend will be Dutch of EE. Also tall, slim and beautiful, but far more opinionated and not afraid to say it. At all. You'll kill yourself if you keep quiet all the time, this way.

Saggyknickers · 11/02/2025 08:49

RubyHiker · 10/02/2025 23:57

I'm pretty petty. I think I would have to throw in a "gosh I know its like Italians are so rude and bad mannered... I mean not you of course. But in general"

I think this kind of thing is the perfect response.

And did your h really say she's allowed to critique your pasta bc she's Italian? What a dick.

washerr · 11/02/2025 08:53