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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do you divide up the cost per person or per rooom?

190 replies

NatureNatur · 10/02/2025 19:16

Friend is hiring a house abroad for a big birthday (v short plane away) Around 5 couples going, and 3 singletons. It's for 4 days.

I have confirmed I am going, but said my DH will have to see closer to the time. We have young kids and no family who could have them for longer than one night really. Elderly or unwilling family either side.

Just had the cost through and it's £400 per person. I had thought it would be worked out by room - e.g. I can just pay to have a bedroom and if DH joins for one night - all good as he would be in my room. Was I unreasonable to presume this?

But it's costed per person - so would be £800 for a room, and the singletons pay £400 for their room.

Is this fair? Of course we can't justify DH paying £400 for one night so I'm going to need to say that and then i gues costs are going to go up for everyone so ppl aren't going to be happy and DH just stays home.

Do you divide up the overall cost by person or by bedroom?

OP posts:
IsitaHatOrACat · 10/02/2025 19:19

Change it so that DH doesn't go? What's the point of a plane trip for one night?

Mrsttcno1 · 10/02/2025 19:20

In that situation I think I’d expect it to be be split per person

Bayonetlightbulb · 10/02/2025 19:22

Are all the rooms of equal standing? Do the rooms for the couples have bigger beds, ensuites etc?

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/02/2025 19:22

I don’t think it’s fair to break costs down per room - that makes the trip significantly more expensive for singles than for couples, despite singles taking up no more bedroom space, and less bathroom and living space etc than a couple.

Usually when we go away as a group it’s broken down per person, or if particular bedrooms are significantly more luxurious than others, with those bedrooms attracting a premium.

theduchessofspork · 10/02/2025 19:24

It’s per person unless it’s that some singles have to double up and share - in which case a bit of a discount would be fair but not half.

You presumably want to share with your husband so no reason you should get one.

petesdragfrom · 10/02/2025 19:24

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/02/2025 19:22

I don’t think it’s fair to break costs down per room - that makes the trip significantly more expensive for singles than for couples, despite singles taking up no more bedroom space, and less bathroom and living space etc than a couple.

Usually when we go away as a group it’s broken down per person, or if particular bedrooms are significantly more luxurious than others, with those bedrooms attracting a premium.

Edited

This.

Bushmillsbabe · 10/02/2025 19:26

It's a tough one.
Are all the rooms same size? If some are tiny singles and some big doubles then it's unfair to pay per room when getting a much smaller space

Moonnstars · 10/02/2025 19:26

I think it needs to be per person to make it fair

Bloodybrambles · 10/02/2025 19:29

I personally think it should be by room. It’s up to the singletons to decide if they want to bunk in together to save money therefore another couple could be invited to split the costs.

But that only depends if the villa was booked before the organisers knew how many rooms would be required. If the organiser picked the villa, decided on a set number of guests and then essentially it’s shot gun who gets what rooms, yes it should be by person, and not by room.

Eenameenadeeka · 10/02/2025 19:35

How many rooms are there, will the singles share rooms? I've found that a lot of places charge more for the same place if more people are staying there

OneWaryCat · 10/02/2025 19:38

Please don't call them 'singletons'. Feels so degrading.

I think if there are some couples and some single people then pp makes sense. But if he's only coming for one night can he just pay a contribution rather than the full whack?

lemongrizzly · 10/02/2025 19:39

You seriously think your single friends should pay the same for their rooms as couples?!

ThejoyofNC · 10/02/2025 19:44

In a hotel you pay for the room. Single people have to pay more, that's just how it is. If they want to lower the cost then they can share a room. I don't think it's fair to split per person if the rooms are all the same.

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/02/2025 19:50

Bloodybrambles · 10/02/2025 19:29

I personally think it should be by room. It’s up to the singletons to decide if they want to bunk in together to save money therefore another couple could be invited to split the costs.

But that only depends if the villa was booked before the organisers knew how many rooms would be required. If the organiser picked the villa, decided on a set number of guests and then essentially it’s shot gun who gets what rooms, yes it should be by person, and not by room.

I think this works fine if it’s a group of close friends where everybody in the group is equally friendly with each other. It’s not very fair if not, and single people end up with the option of a very expensive holiday in their own room, or the awkwardness of sharing with a friend of a friend or somebody who is really just an acquaintance - and especially if there are more people of one sex than another. (Unless the couples would also happily operate a bedroom sharing lottery system which meant they might also end up sharing a room with somebody who wasn’t their partner and who they didn’t know terribly well.)

Onlyvisiting · 10/02/2025 19:51

Per person seems fair to me, otherwise the single people are subsidising you. However it also depends on the accommodation.
If the rooms are all the same and the single people had the option of sharing rooms so you could book a smaller house then maybe per room.....but really I wouldn't expect that. Is that charge solely for the accommodation or including anything else?

Also- If they did split it per room you wouldn't be paying 400, you'd need to pay more like £650 (assuming 8 bedrooms). So not the saving you are imagining.
But honestly- how was this not discussed? Why would you assume your husband could just drop in or out after it was planned and booked without paying any of the costs?

Kitchensinktoday · 10/02/2025 19:54

ThejoyofNC · 10/02/2025 19:44

In a hotel you pay for the room. Single people have to pay more, that's just how it is. If they want to lower the cost then they can share a room. I don't think it's fair to split per person if the rooms are all the same.

To be honest,a hotel would probably be a less contentious option, let someone else decide the pricing!

StormingNorman · 10/02/2025 19:54

Per person. You’re friends not a hotel operator.

Whatcolou · 10/02/2025 19:59

But surely if your DH comes the cost per person goes down?

13 people at £400pp = £5200
So with an extra person it goes down to £370 each?

HeddaGarbled · 10/02/2025 19:59

The couples always take the better and en-suite bedrooms so should pay more.

Original poster
NatureNatur · 10/02/2025 20:01

I didn't think my DH could just drop in without paying anything. I just thought would be worked out per room/legnth if stay/size of room - e.g if someone is on sofa less £. But friend has messaged and flat fee for everyone. I haven't even seen the villa. Friend just messaged with the amount oer person and when we need to transfer the money.

Sorry to say singleton. They're not even single. They're just leaving their husbands at home. As I now will. But feeling awkward as now everyone costs will go up!

I actually messaged one of the single ppl and she said "ah we should suggest bunking up" so now I'm even more confused as that would make no difference to cost!

OP posts:
Quietnowplease · 10/02/2025 20:04

ThejoyofNC · 10/02/2025 19:44

In a hotel you pay for the room. Single people have to pay more, that's just how it is. If they want to lower the cost then they can share a room. I don't think it's fair to split per person if the rooms are all the same.

Yeah but this isn't a hotel.

Madamecholetsbonnet · 10/02/2025 20:05

Yes it should be per person.

Whoarethoseguys · 10/02/2025 20:06

A hotel would do it by room although they might charge less for a single room a double room doesn't normally cost twice as much as a single. As it's a house I don't know.
But I do think it's fair for you to say your husband won't be able to come

0ohLarLar · 10/02/2025 20:07

To be honest I'd expect a bit of a mix.

If its a house not a hotel, everyone is using the shared facilities so a flat rate per room regardless of how many share is not fair.

However, singles each getting a room to themselves isn't fair unless there are (for eg) single & double rooms.

In an ideal world the maths is worked based on a rate per room with a supplement for an additional person in the room

LittleBigHead · 10/02/2025 20:21

YABU @NatureNatur

Couples are often really selfish about this sort of thing and oblivious to the space they take up because “Oh we’re sharing a bedroom”. But there are still two people using the kitchen, the bathroom, the sitting room and so on.