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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you divide up the cost per person or per rooom?

190 replies

NatureNatur · 10/02/2025 19:16

Friend is hiring a house abroad for a big birthday (v short plane away) Around 5 couples going, and 3 singletons. It's for 4 days.

I have confirmed I am going, but said my DH will have to see closer to the time. We have young kids and no family who could have them for longer than one night really. Elderly or unwilling family either side.

Just had the cost through and it's £400 per person. I had thought it would be worked out by room - e.g. I can just pay to have a bedroom and if DH joins for one night - all good as he would be in my room. Was I unreasonable to presume this?

But it's costed per person - so would be £800 for a room, and the singletons pay £400 for their room.

Is this fair? Of course we can't justify DH paying £400 for one night so I'm going to need to say that and then i gues costs are going to go up for everyone so ppl aren't going to be happy and DH just stays home.

Do you divide up the overall cost by person or by bedroom?

OP posts:
MumonabikeE5 · 11/02/2025 15:33

Does it include meals? two people eat and drink more than a single person.
single rooms are smaller than doubles or are singles staying in doubles under occupied .
single people often find life and holidays more expensive than couples.
if the birthday person has made the plan and division of costs then it’s up to them how it’s done, and you can either go or opt out.

mrsm43s · 11/02/2025 15:34

JoyousGreyOrca · 11/02/2025 15:25

@mrsm43s that only works if the singles also have the choice to pay more for a more luxurious room. When I was single, I would have done so.

Again, I'd have no problem with that.

Different rooms at different price points charged per room based on facilities.

Those (of any relationship status) who want privacy and lower costs go for cheaper private room.

Those of any relationship status who want luxury chose more expensive rooms shared or otherwise and pay the full per room cost between whoever is in the room, be it a single person, a couple or two singles sharing.

Those (of any relationship status) who are very keen to cut costs and don't care about privacy share the cheaper rooms.

There's options for everyone. As long as the room sizes mean that there's a shared spot for everyone who wants to share or a private room for anyone who doesn't want to share then it's all good.

mrsm43s · 11/02/2025 15:35

MumonabikeE5 · 11/02/2025 15:33

Does it include meals? two people eat and drink more than a single person.
single rooms are smaller than doubles or are singles staying in doubles under occupied .
single people often find life and holidays more expensive than couples.
if the birthday person has made the plan and division of costs then it’s up to them how it’s done, and you can either go or opt out.

100% I'd expect food/drink/cabs/activities to be paid per person.

MrsSunshine2b · 11/02/2025 15:36

If you were staying in a hotel room you wouldn't pay less because there is only one of you in there. It's fair to split the cost based on bedrooms.

mrsm43s · 11/02/2025 15:37

WasteOfPaint · 11/02/2025 15:27

A third of the cost apportioned to the shared spaces, and divided by the number of people. Two-thirds apportioned to bedrooms and divided by the number of rooms. From the starting point of £5,200 cost, 8 bedrooms and 13 people attending, this would result in couples sharing bedrooms paying £700 in total, and solos with their own bedrooms paying £567. You can debate the shared space/room allocation of course.

I wouldn't have a problem with that either.

JimHalpertsWife · 11/02/2025 15:39

Without an accurate description of the number of rooms and bed types, it's impossible to establish the right course of action.

If there's enough, say, for even the singles to have a room alone, but they diced to bunk to share costs, that leaves a room empty so the cost of that room is then split across everyone on top.

OP we need to know more about the property!

JoyousGreyOrca · 11/02/2025 15:39

MrsSunshine2b · 11/02/2025 15:36

If you were staying in a hotel room you wouldn't pay less because there is only one of you in there. It's fair to split the cost based on bedrooms.

But if you were staying in a hotel, you would all have very similar rooms. What happens in villas is singles usually get much smaller and not as nice rooms.

Glamiss · 11/02/2025 15:48

MrsSunshine2b · 11/02/2025 15:36

If you were staying in a hotel room you wouldn't pay less because there is only one of you in there. It's fair to split the cost based on bedrooms.

No, but it's market forces. Hotel prices are structured to get as much money out of customers as possible. It doesn't follow that friends should apply the same approach to each other.

Among friends something along the lines of ability to pay seems fairer to me, and per person is closer to that (though still not perfect) than expecting single people to pay twice what their friends in a couple do.

Still I think the basic issue here is someone wanting to come along for only one day of the holiday.

Magnastorm · 11/02/2025 16:06

mrsm43s · 11/02/2025 13:25

If people don't want to share, they have to pay a premium for that. It's absolutely their choice.

If we're paying per person, DH and I would like 2 rooms, please (which obviously bumps up the cost for everyone as the number of bedrooms is generally the main indicator of price and a bigger house will be needed!). Is everyone OK with that? Because we apparently are when its a single person demanding their own room at no extra cost, bumping up the costs for everyone.

You can't possibly expect me to pay the same for half a room as someone else pays for a whole room? Obviously, I'd expect adjustments to be made for a master ensuite versus a small single, but most often nowadays villas have lots of gorgeous double ensuites, and all rooms are broadly equal. Why should a single person get to choose not to share and only pay half price for their room?

Realistically, a middle ground is probably what needs to be aimed for, with a set per person cost then a per room cost (or the room cost being adjusted in line with the size/facility of the rooms if they are significantly different).

But why should couples always subsidise single people's choice not to share? Why should we pay double for the same, just because we're in a couple?

Singles sharing should pay the same price per person as a person in a couple sharing.

Singles choosing the luxury of a whole room to themselves should pay more than anyone, regardless of relationship status, who is having to share, simply because they are getting the luxury of a private room, rather than the inconvenience/lack of privacy of a shared room.

Edited
Show quote history

"Why should we pay double for the same, just because we're in a couple?"

Because, obviously, there is two of you, both making use of the facilities provided by the rental.

mrsm43s · 11/02/2025 16:14

Magnastorm · 11/02/2025 16:06

"Why should we pay double for the same, just because we're in a couple?"

Because, obviously, there is two of you, both making use of the facilities provided by the rental.

Show quote history

I'm fine with that if we get two allocated bedrooms. But if you want me to share a bedroom, I don't think we should have to pay twice the price of a person having the same bedroom all to themselves without the inconvenience of having to share.

Relationships status is irrelevant

If two people share a room they split the room cost in two.

If one person has a room to themselves they pay the full room cost in full (and enjoy the luxury of a room to themselves, bliss!).

If three people share a room, they split the room cost between three.

It's really simple.

Why should two single people sharing a double room have to pay twice the amount between them for the room as the single person who bagsies a double room all to themselves.

People being in a sexual relationship with the person they happen to be sharing with should have no impact on the cost of the room.

Magnastorm · 11/02/2025 16:21

Nothing to stop you demanding that you get a villa with enough bedrooms so that every person, couple or not, has a room to themselves, if you are going to be that petty.

But most people are happy to share a room with a partner, so it's a stupid argument that also ignores the fact that when you hire a full villa you are paying for access to the living areas/ kitchen etc as well as a bed.

JimHalpertsWife · 11/02/2025 16:34

Maybe it should be £300 per room if one in it, and £400 if there's two in it?

mrsm43s · 11/02/2025 17:27

Magnastorm · 11/02/2025 16:21

Nothing to stop you demanding that you get a villa with enough bedrooms so that every person, couple or not, has a room to themselves, if you are going to be that petty.

But most people are happy to share a room with a partner, so it's a stupid argument that also ignores the fact that when you hire a full villa you are paying for access to the living areas/ kitchen etc as well as a bed.

Edited

It's not "petty" to not want to pay double for my room!

A single person sharing with another single person wouldn't expect to pay double for the privilege of sharing! Why should the couple?

A private room to yourself is a luxury and bumps the cost up for everyone as it means a bigger, more expensive villa is needed.

I accept there may be some adjustment to reflect shared areas, but it shouldn't be paying double! Maybe an extra 25% of the room cost?

mrsm43s · 11/02/2025 17:30

JimHalpertsWife · 11/02/2025 16:34

Maybe it should be £300 per room if one in it, and £400 if there's two in it?

Yeah, that's reasonable.

£400 for the room, but let's double it to £800 if two people share is just grabby and unreasonable.

Pelot · 11/02/2025 17:31

Per room is the way we always do it. Two single people can go in a twin room if they fancy lowering the cost.

JimHalpertsWife · 11/02/2025 17:31

Also, a couple going on a 4 night break would be paying £800 for communal living, plus flights, plus any food and drinks etc. It's too much.

Original poster
NatureNatur · 11/02/2025 17:49

Well this is the issue. It's too much. £800 for a room and when DH will only be able to come for one or two nights. I just didn't think it would be flat cost per person. I thought there would be some villa options and then we would work out something fair - sure maybe rooms for couples cost more but not double the rooms for single ppl. I haven't seen the villa so I don't know the exact deal. I just got a message saying "cost per person" and that's it's same cost for everyone. I have been on holiday with same group when I was single and found myself paying same and I was on a sofa bed in the sitting room!

I just wanted to check if ppl normally do thse things by person or by room. Because I'm surprised but not sure if I was reasonable to be surprised.

OP posts:
JimHalpertsWife · 11/02/2025 17:51

Have you messaged back and asked her to send the link to the accomodation? Who pays 800quid blind for anything.

ValentineValentineV · 11/02/2025 17:51

I think it sounds a fairly pricey villa which isn’t helping either.

mrsm43s · 11/02/2025 17:53

I don't think it's unreasonable for there to be some banding of rooms to reflect number of occupants and sharing status.

So say 3 bands

Middle band is (for ease of maths) £100 per night for a standard double.

Lower band is -30% so £70 per night for a single room.

Higher band is +30% so £130 per night for a Premium double.

Each person (regardless of relationship status) chooses from a per night cost of:

£50 - shared standard double
£65 - shared Premium double
£70 - private single
£100- private standard double
£130- private Premium double.

Share the formula in advance, so a villa with the right number of single/double/Premium rooms can be booked.

JimHalpertsWife · 11/02/2025 17:53

I have been on holiday with same group when I was single and found myself paying same and I was on a sofa bed in the sitting room!

Shock

In our wider family we charge half the room cost for any sofa-bed rooms - and even then, only if its a side room that can be used 100% privately. Any sofa beds in public rooms are not counted at all as beds.

discdiscsnap · 11/02/2025 18:31

If it's all double rooms of similar standard then it's reasonable to charge per room. If it's small rooms or sofa beds then those should be cheaper ( but not necessarily half price)

13 people going at £400 pp is £5200. If it's a 8 bed villa per room would be £650 so the couples would pay £325 each .

CarpetKnees · 11/02/2025 18:57

I would assume per person if a group were going away / getting accommodation together.

Though I think it is a bit much to ask people to pay out £400 plus flights, and then presumably + spending money, to celebrate someone else's birthday.

I suppose it might be more 'normal' if you are all loaded.

LittleBigHead · 11/02/2025 20:04

mrsm43s · 11/02/2025 13:32

It's really not.

It means couples subsidise singles, unless everyone is happy for people in couples to have a room each...

Show quote history

No - single people subsidise couples’ use of
kitchen
sitting room
any shared bathrooms, lavatories
all other shared living spaces

Plus quite often couples can be a bit niggardly about food and drink rounds etc etc

mrsm43s · 11/02/2025 20:06

In terms of this holiday, OP, would £650 (room cost) really make that much difference over £800 (per person cost) if your DH is only going for one night? They both seem pretty extortionate to me for DH go go for just one night.

Unless you agreed that kind of budget in advance, I'd just drop out entirely based on it being out of budget.

As it stands, if just you go, and not your DH, you're actually quids in on the per person split they're suggesting.

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