Tutor canceled lessons!

[grassisgreener2015]

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably?

Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks.

We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away.

We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress.

I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

If the invoices come regularly, just set a reminder on your phone. We all forget the odd thing, but it looks like you didn't have a good track record as a cushion for your forgetfulness so were therefore not given the grace that might have been extended to, say, someone who'd been there a year, always paid on time and rarely cancelled sessions.

Wind up right? You think this tutor should not be around children and also appear to believe she does tutoring as she is not good enough to teach. Yet you call for more understanding and seem to think that you should be allowed an infinite amount of time to pay your invoices. I would have given you one extra reminder OP, but you come across as quite arrogant.

No OP, you aren’t fully accepting and owning that you made a mistake.

You left your daughter without a tutor: the tutor made their terms very clear.

It is a tough lesson to learn and there would have been some sympathy however to be petty about their ability to work in a classroom or with children is very immature to say the least.

You know they are good which is why it smarts.

Take a minute to reflect. We all make mistakes. It is how you deal with them that’s key.

Yes, I can now see that her email reminder did say that if the invoice was not paid, lessons would be cancelled
And they were cancelled, so why are you so surprised?

.......but I'd still expect a more personal text or phonecall before actually replacing us bearing in mind we've been with her since September
Why? She hasn't got time to chase up people who fall to pay. Why on earth should she? She has bills to pay, like everyone else.

If you've been with her since September and paid late twice, that's two out of four times you failed to pay on time.

That's not good enough.

If you value someone's services, you pay them.

Funny how you don't forget to turn up but paying slips your mind. Good on the tutor. Nothing to do with her ability to teach kids and everything to do with her not wanting to deal with someone as entitled as you.

You can choose how you take this thread op. As I see it you have two choices;

1. Continue to think you're right and that the tutor was unkind and unprofessional. Thus continue to behave this way. After all you're a busy mum who made a little mistake. That is your prerogative. What you will find is all those professionals who are in demand will behave precisely as 'unkindly' as this tutor has. You will then be left finding a tutor who isn't in demand and thus will be offering a an inferior service to your son. That's choice 1.

1. Take onboard what people are saying here and don't treat professionals like this. You then won't be dropped.

I imagine she may well share the information with other tutors too and the OP might not find another tutor as easily as she thinks.

Fucking hell. I accept I made a mistake. It's a pity the tutor isn't more understanding but maybe that's why she's no longer a class teacher.

Pull your head out your ass. Are you SERIOUS?!

You realise the person who put your child at a disadvantage is you? You’ve let your child down. In 6 months, you’ve paid late TWICE?! Let’s see how long the next tutor lasts before getting sick of you

I assumed the tutor thought op wouldn't be turning up because quite honestly if you haven't paid after a reminder then you've cancelled yourself by default.
If the tutor hadn't booked another family in she may have lost money that day.

The moral is pay your bills on time.

I think it was unreasonable of her not to send a message stating that you were no longer on her books, but sheWNBU for ending the contract with you. 11+ tutors are extremely high in demand in some areas with waiting lists, so why on earth would she keep people on who "forget" to pay her. She can't forget her mortgage or to feed her children.

We've cancelled very few lessons........

You sound very unreliable. Since September you've failed to pay 50% of the time, and cancelled some lessons, too.

I expect the tutor prefers clients who are less flaky.

Why? The terms and conditions were clear in the email reminder.

You turned up to the lesson, having still not paid?

You have "made a mistake" 2 months out of 6. A third of the time. The tutor wasted time texting you a reminder. And you still didn't pay. But sure, it's the tutors fault 🙄

This can't be real. Nobody is this entitled.

This is probably why my children’s tutor insists on being paid on the day of the lessons. I prefer it to, it means I don’t forget and saves embarrassment if I did.

@grassisgreener2015

I accept I made a mistake. It's a pity the tutor isn't more understanding but maybe that's why she's no longer a class teacher. I do understand that she has bills to pay and I wasn't planning to never pay the invoice, I'm not a thief and i wasnt expecting lessons for free! I do accept she won't be continuing with us though. Such a shame.
The point is you haven't accepted that the whole issue is of your baking and the tutor was in no way behaving unreasonably.
You persist in demonising her where she has acted professionally and even kindly. Many tutors would have let you go before this one did.

You don't seem to accept that they were not impatient or rude. Your snide comments about why she is no longer a teacher show you still think that your behaviour was not the main problem and that she should have given your more grace. You are quite quite in the wrong here but I doubt you will ever accept this.

I don’t think there’s anything unpleasant or non understanding about her at all. Imagine if all clients didn’t pay on time, she would be homeless and starving. I understand you are upset for your child but if it’s so important to you/them it should have been a priority to pay, not something that slips your mind.

imagine she may well share the information with other tutors too and the OP might not find another tutor as easily as she thinks.

We do do this. The only ones that will be left will be the tutors who don't have a good reputation and thus aren't full.

She sent a reminder for the unpaid fees.

The OP didn't contact her. She was well within reason to assume they may not turn up and rebook the slot especially as the OP amdits ro prior late payments and cancellations.

This is the tutor's livelihood and not a hobby or charity.

I just feel that someone this unkind and impatient should not be working with children to be honest. She's left our child with no tutor and they're now disadvantaged compared to their friends

Seriously? Why is it 'unkind' to cancel someone who doesn't pay on time after they've given warning? She isn't a charity and she doesn't have to manage your busy life for you. Get another tutor if you can and treat them with respect.

She hasn't created this situation you have. You sound very entitled.

You will have signed some kind of contact with T&C's I imagine. It's not unreasonable for her to cancel, this is her living - I wouldn't be happy if my employer couldn't pay my wages on time. I agree perhaps a message also to say the lesson was cancelled would have been better, however it did say in the email/invoice. My sister works for a tutoring company and I feel this is pretty standard to be honest.

If the next tutor or company offer to pay by DD, I would take them up on that offer to save this happening in the future.

You are quite quite in the wrong here but I doubt you will ever accept this.

She will get far far more than her share of 'sorry, I'm fully booked' as a result and be permanently wondering why so many trades are fully booked. And always be oblivious to why.

@MellowCritic I can't believe you are real. The tutor DID cut you some slack. You didn't pay your invoice, and she sent you a reminder. You didn't pay the reminder, even though you admit you saw it. This isn't a 'both sides at fault' situation! This is one time when you are squarely at fault. Your continued assertions that she needs to be 'kind and patient while working with children' I am sure she would be, had it been a CHILD who forgot to pay. But she isn't asking a child to pay, she is asking an adult and it should be well within an adult capabilities to pay, at least on a reminder. I forgot to pay my cleaner week before last as we changed weeks. She had to remind me and I was MORTFIED, because that's a shoddy way of dealing with people, and with small businesses, every single payment counts. Of course in my case I apologised profusely and immediately paid. I didnt wait until the next week then get in a strop when she didn't turn up!

OP this is one of those threads where the MN acronym of DFOD is valid.

Twice in 6 months, even with specific warnings of consequences in the reminder email, is definitely grounds for termination of service provision. The tutor isn't doing this for fun; it's her business. She's also got enough demand out there that she doesn't need to depend on unreliable customers when they can be easily replaced with reliable ones. You need to learn from this and do better next time, because it's your disorganisation that is risking disadvantaging your child here.