Scared to report what I think is grooming

[Zookeeperoneday]

I've name changed for this.
My good friend has a 13 year old daughter , who has a man in her life who I'm sure is starting to groom her. He's an ex colleague of dh, and once started a grievance against DH which was dismissed eventually.
Friend thinks this man is nice and I'm guessing she thinks the grievance was 50/50 which it absolutely was not. I'm sure the man has turned her against dh a bit. I feel terrible as I'm scared to report him for fear of him doing something legal against dh/me again but I know I have to.

How could he (and her parents) not realise how grossly inappropriate this is?!

This smacks of the boys who Michael Jackson allegedly abused’s parents - who were happy to turn a blind eye to further their own children’s financial prospects. I’m NOT saying this is on a par with that scenario but it’s possibly in the same ballpark or dangerously close to heading that way.

When I was at uni a teacher from my primary school was convicted of sexually abusing a girl in the year below when we went there. They had sleepovers and ‘dates’ (not officially called this) at his house and locally, which her parents not only knew about but encouraged. She was 9 or 10 when it started. Some ppl are fucking deranged when it comes to protecting their daughters, I assumed they were more clued up these days - obv not.

Because he has them convinced that she is so good at the 'sport' and only he can get her to the Olympics (again not an exact match)
If you speak about him in any negative way, they are convinced you are not supporting her dream and trying to squash her spirit . He has groomed them too I think

Well they’ll have to live with the fallout of their actions for the rest of their lives and what it does to their daughter.

At best he’s an incomprehensibly unaware adult male who we are to believe has no idea the inappropriateness of his actions.

And at worst he’s possibly facing jail time some time in the future.

But what if your suspicions are right and you don’t report it?

She already has

@Zookeeperoneday maybe get this deleted, if they read it they will work it out even quicker

Report. You have the courage really, you know you do. Besides it’ll eat away at you like hell if you don’t.

Grooming so often starts with getting family on their side

there is absolutely no need for him to have time alone with her or to be buying her gifts

Well done on reporting it OP.

I'm guessing you/your DH are in the same line of business as the coach which makes it easier for him to link you to the report.

Having the thread deleted or even moved to '30 days only" as suggested above might be a good move.

If you are a mandatory safeguarding reporter you have to report this, no question. Go directly to her school via the DSL.

I get that you're trying to be vague about the actual activity, but I can't think of a single sport or hobby that involves adults training kids that wouldn't have a governing body to report him to?

She already has!

How many more people are going to come onto this thread to tell her to do something she's already done? RTFT!

I reported a family as I thought physical abuse was taking place, I rang NSPCC anonymously and it was followed up . Report it please

That’s not clear in the original message at all.

You need to do that refresher course asap

First you need to actually read properly what has been written and said. That's important with your role and responsibilities.
Secondly you need to refrain from making unfounded allegations about 'sour grapes' in any safe guarding issues as you shouldn't be forming any opinion on motivation. (remember that bit from your training) just sticking to the facts as reported.
Thirdly, if a coach giving an engraved piece of jewellery to a 13 year old girl he has 1 to 1 training with doesn't raise any concerns what so ever, then you need to retrain as a matter of urgency.
The personal attack on OP was just nasty. They are obviously struggling with the whole situation and potential consequences of doing what they have to do.

There is a FB group Scorpions Hunters UK. Report there, you will stay anonymous. Sorry, I assumed you're in UK. If not than local authorities.

Ohhh, I think they changed a group name or so. Try Extra Predator Awareness instead.

Well of course it isn't. She hadn't done it at that point. But later in the thread, she updates to say that she has. Even if you can't be bothered to read the whole thread, at least check for updates before you post, or click 'see all' on the right of the OP to read all of the OP's posts.

So what? If the girl is at risk then report. You're not his buddy, though you may lose your friendship with your good friend. Initials on necklace? Odd.

Yep it's reported. I think this is why it's so hard to report . It can be genuinely scary

You need to read all of OP's posts. You can do that in one click. It's considered polite - otherwise it's the equivalent of butting in with your opinion before someone has finished speaking.

Do you now know how to do this? Someone has taken the time to explain.

Well done OP you've done the right thing. And you have DH supporting you. One day your friends will thank you.

Op if you’re genuinely scared of him I’ve got a suggestion. If you write a letter pretending to he someone else anonymous whose reported him could you get a very trusted friend or relative he doesn’t know to copy it into their handwriting and send it. Then somehow prove to him yours is different. Just as a red herring to throw him off the scent and protect yourself. He’s surely not to know you were the only one with suspicions. Is this a silly idea - I don’t know? You may have just saved this young girl from a life time of pain so repercussions are the last thing you deserve.
I think you are admirable.