Page 23 | Is 45 too old to have a baby

Catontoof · 2025-02-09T12:22:20+00:00

is this fair on a child? I am seriously considering this as I feel like therr has been a huge hole in my life.

Strawberriesandpears · 09/02/2025 21:31

Cornflakes123 · 09/02/2025 21:27

You sound incredibly immature I have to say.

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I fail to see what is immature about looking ahead in life and carefully considering the future challenges a child might face and then making a decision on whether bringing them into the world is kind or not. I would think that is incredibly thoughtful, mature and sensible myself.

Liveandletlive18 · 09/02/2025 21:32

You will be 60 when they are 15 😂
You are either a very young mum or have no clue about extremely fit & healthy 60 year old women.

NatterNatter50 · 09/02/2025 21:34

pastapeteliketoeat · 09/02/2025 21:29

@NatterNatter50

It's not nasty to say I think someone's decision to have a baby at age 45 is selfish. Touched a nerve there though, clearly!

I didn't have my children in my twenties, either, and they were both very much planned.

There will be good and bad parents regardless of their age at their child's birth. But to me, having a baby well past your prime child-bearing years is a selfish thing to do.

You can disagree, if you like... I'm not going to be defensive and start insulting you.

I called you nasty because you insulted people with fertility issues by calling them selfish. So of course it’s touched a nerve..it would for many people :-S

how lovely that you managed to plan your kids but you do realise that plenty of others also plan to have kids young and it just doesn’t work for them right?

Agree that there are good and bad parents regardless of their age.

Cornflakes123 · 09/02/2025 21:34

Strawberriesandpears · 09/02/2025 21:31

I fail to see what is immature about looking ahead in life and carefully considering the future challenges a child might face and then making a decision on whether bringing them into the world is kind or not. I would think that is incredibly thoughtful, mature and sensible myself.

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I meant your replies , calling me young and sprightly in a sarcastic tone then repeating it again but anyway.

Strawberriesandpears · 09/02/2025 21:37

Cornflakes123 · 09/02/2025 21:34

I meant your replies , calling me young and sprightly in a sarcastic tone then repeating it again but anyway.

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I didn't mean it sarcastically at all. You literally said you weren't old and you won me over! You are young and sprightly. ✨

Cornflakes123 · 09/02/2025 21:39

@Strawberriesandpears Come on now… I said having a baby at 38 is not unusual or too old. I didn’t say I was young and “sprightly “ lol

Strawberriesandpears · 09/02/2025 21:41

Cornflakes123 · 09/02/2025 21:39

@Strawberriesandpears Come on now… I said having a baby at 38 is not unusual or too old. I didn’t say I was young and “sprightly “ lol

No, I know you didn't. It was me who said that.

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 09/02/2025 21:43

I’m 45 and my kids are 5 and 9, and I find it exhausting! We had originally planned to have 3 kids but having felt the exhaustion at 39 with a baby there was no way I could go through it again even older.

But if you’re fit & healthy and it’s one dc then it may feel very different for you.

like others say, it’s also about when you’re older and they’re at a different stage. Will you be supporting university in your retirement? Will you be able to be an active grandparent?

Cornflakes123 · 09/02/2025 21:45

@Strawberriesandpears ok well it’s a very odd thing to say if meant in the earnest as is “you won me over”.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 09/02/2025 21:46

pastapeteliketoeat · 09/02/2025 21:29

@NatterNatter50

It's not nasty to say I think someone's decision to have a baby at age 45 is selfish. Touched a nerve there though, clearly!

I didn't have my children in my twenties, either, and they were both very much planned.

There will be good and bad parents regardless of their age at their child's birth. But to me, having a baby well past your prime child-bearing years is a selfish thing to do.

You can disagree, if you like... I'm not going to be defensive and start insulting you.

100% this. ^

And to say 'things are different now and people need to move with the times' (as @NatterNatter50 did) is absolutely ludicrous. The average age (in the UK - in the 2020s,) for a woman to have her first baby is 29-30, and the average age for a woman to have her last baby is 33-34... Most women are not having babies in their mid 40s. Maybe YOU need to 'move with the times' natternatter50, and get your facts straight!

It's absolutely hilarious to try and suggest that certain people are 'not moving with the times' because they don't think it's okay to have a baby at 45. Get a bloody grip. It's not okay for a myriad of reasons. I don't think I need to say what they are. You flippin' well know! And if you don't know the reasons, then LEARN them!

Strawberriesandpears · 09/02/2025 21:48

Cornflakes123 · 09/02/2025 21:45

@Strawberriesandpears ok well it’s a very odd thing to say if meant in the earnest as is “you won me over”.

I guess you'll never know! Anyway, I have nothing more to add to this conversation now. Thank you for engaging though.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 09/02/2025 21:48

Strawberriesandpears · 09/02/2025 21:31

I fail to see what is immature about looking ahead in life and carefully considering the future challenges a child might face and then making a decision on whether bringing them into the world is kind or not. I would think that is incredibly thoughtful, mature and sensible myself.

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Excellent post! 👏 Wanting a baby at 45 to fill a hole in your life, when you already have a teenager (and you don't even actually have a man right now) THAT is more immature than anything you have said.

As is supporting anyone wanting to do this, and cheering her on! It's a terrible idea!

Strawberriesandpears · 09/02/2025 21:51

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 09/02/2025 21:48

Excellent post! 👏 Wanting a baby at 45 to fill a hole in your life, when you already have a teenager (and you don't even actually have a man right now) THAT is more immature than anything you have said.

As is supporting anyone wanting to do this, and cheering her on! It's a terrible idea!

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Thank you.

Liveandletlive18 · 09/02/2025 21:51

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 09/02/2025 21:43

I’m 45 and my kids are 5 and 9, and I find it exhausting! We had originally planned to have 3 kids but having felt the exhaustion at 39 with a baby there was no way I could go through it again even older.

But if you’re fit & healthy and it’s one dc then it may feel very different for you.

like others say, it’s also about when you’re older and they’re at a different stage. Will you be supporting university in your retirement? Will you be able to be an active grandparent?

As I've said in a previous post I was a younger mum now a younger Grandparent. There isn't a stage in parenting that's not exhausting regardless of age. I met mothers twice my age at pre-school who looked amongst the youngest there. If you feel like trying for another baby OP I say go for it.

Cornflakes123 · 09/02/2025 21:51

Strawberriesandpears · 09/02/2025 21:48

I guess you'll never know! Anyway, I have nothing more to add to this conversation now. Thank you for engaging though.

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oh I know well

Cornflakes123 · 09/02/2025 21:54

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 09/02/2025 21:46

100% this. ^

And to say 'things are different now and people need to move with the times' (as @NatterNatter50 did) is absolutely ludicrous. The average age (in the UK - in the 2020s,) for a woman to have her first baby is 29-30, and the average age for a woman to have her last baby is 33-34... Most women are not having babies in their mid 40s. Maybe YOU need to 'move with the times' natternatter50, and get your facts straight!

It's absolutely hilarious to try and suggest that certain people are 'not moving with the times' because they don't think it's okay to have a baby at 45. Get a bloody grip. It's not okay for a myriad of reasons. I don't think I need to say what they are. You flippin' well know! And if you don't know the reasons, then LEARN them!

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I’m in Ireland and the average age of first time mothers here is now 32-33. All the women in my family had children in their late 30s including my own mother . It’s not unusual at all here . I’m not cheering on the op, I was commenting on the person who said 38 is too old to have a baby, as a pregnant 38 year old woman I find it a bit ridiculous .

NatterNatter50 · 09/02/2025 21:55

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 09/02/2025 21:46

100% this. ^

And to say 'things are different now and people need to move with the times' (as @NatterNatter50 did) is absolutely ludicrous. The average age (in the UK - in the 2020s,) for a woman to have her first baby is 29-30, and the average age for a woman to have her last baby is 33-34... Most women are not having babies in their mid 40s. Maybe YOU need to 'move with the times' natternatter50, and get your facts straight!

It's absolutely hilarious to try and suggest that certain people are 'not moving with the times' because they don't think it's okay to have a baby at 45. Get a bloody grip. It's not okay for a myriad of reasons. I don't think I need to say what they are. You flippin' well know! And if you don't know the reasons, then LEARN them!

Show quote history

Huh? I don’t believe I quoted any averages. Or said that “most” women are having babies in their 40s. I meant that women have kids at a range of ages now for various reasons and that’s ok. What matters is that you’re a loving and stable parent and plenty of younger and older parents can be the exact opposite of that as you can imagine.

like I also said… many women struggle with fertility issues and end up having their kids later despite planning and doing everything they could to have kids at the “acceptable” age. I don’t think it’s very nice to say they are selfish and that it’s “not okay” for them to have their kids later than planned. Women like us are struggling with enough as it is and don’t need to be told to “get a grip”.

but if you want to swear and get all worked up about my post then knock yourself out.

BIossomtoes · 09/02/2025 22:03

Liveandletlive18 · 09/02/2025 21:32

You will be 60 when they are 15 😂
You are either a very young mum or have no clue about extremely fit & healthy 60 year old women.

Edited

I wouldn’t have wanted to live with a 15 year old when I was 60.

Strawberriesandpears · 09/02/2025 22:08

NatterNatter50 · 09/02/2025 21:55

Huh? I don’t believe I quoted any averages. Or said that “most” women are having babies in their 40s. I meant that women have kids at a range of ages now for various reasons and that’s ok. What matters is that you’re a loving and stable parent and plenty of younger and older parents can be the exact opposite of that as you can imagine.

like I also said… many women struggle with fertility issues and end up having their kids later despite planning and doing everything they could to have kids at the “acceptable” age. I don’t think it’s very nice to say they are selfish and that it’s “not okay” for them to have their kids later than planned. Women like us are struggling with enough as it is and don’t need to be told to “get a grip”.

but if you want to swear and get all worked up about my post then knock yourself out.

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The thing is though, and this maybe comes with maturity, to recognise that life isn't fair. Maybe a woman doesn't meet her partner until later in life, or struggles with her fertility, but that still doesn't mean she is entitled to a child. Sometimes you have to let dreams go and put somebody else first (i.e the potential child) and think about the life they will have.

Important things to consider:

What kind of life would my child have if born with disabilities (which are more common with older parents).
Who will be my child's family outside of their parents. Will they have siblings, aunties, uncles, cousins. A network of people who will sustain family connections into adulthood.
What would happen to my child if I (and or) my partner were to die.
Will I be young enough to provide childcare for any potential grandchildren. With the ever increasing cost of living, the child (as an adult) is likely to need to be in full time work, which means they will either have to pay for childcare (expensive) or rely on family.

discdiscsnap · 09/02/2025 22:08

I had dd in my early twenties and ds late thirties. I was so exhausted with ds i could not believe the difference..

Honestly couldn't imagine anything worse

NorthernGirl1981 · 09/02/2025 22:10

JumpinJellyfish · 09/02/2025 20:24

@Strawberriesandpears 38 is definitely not too old! OP is talking about 45 which is a whole different ballgame.

When me and DH were trying for our second child we decided that if I hadn’t conceived by the time he was 35 (he was slightly older than me) then we’d stop trying as we wouldn’t want to have a child past that age. We felt that anything over that age was pushing it in terms of being older parents (which neither of us wanted), and nor did we want to take on the increased risks of abnormalities in the infant.

Rose889 · 09/02/2025 22:10

discdiscsnap · 09/02/2025 22:08

I had dd in my early twenties and ds late thirties. I was so exhausted with ds i could not believe the difference..

Honestly couldn't imagine anything worse

I couldn't believe the difference and mine will not even be two years apart. I have felt like a different person.

Needspaceforlego · 09/02/2025 22:19

Neurodiversitydoctor · 09/02/2025 20:22

Chromosomal imbalances are more common in very young ( less than 18) and older ( more than 34/35) in both men and women.

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Yikes I didn't know that. I remember a school friend having her second baby at about 18, baby had Downs.
I thought it was a very unusual and unlucky occurrence.

Spendysis · 09/02/2025 22:20

It depends on your circumstances I personally couldn't think of anything worse starting again at that age but I am 47 with a 23 and 20 year old struggling with perimenopause but enjoying the freedom of not having young dc being able to go out without them or arranging a babysitter me and dh have just booked our first holiday abroad without them we've had a few uk breaks but everyone is different

NatterNatter50 · 09/02/2025 22:23

Strawberriesandpears · 09/02/2025 22:08

The thing is though, and this maybe comes with maturity, to recognise that life isn't fair. Maybe a woman doesn't meet her partner until later in life, or struggles with her fertility, but that still doesn't mean she is entitled to a child. Sometimes you have to let dreams go and put somebody else first (i.e the potential child) and think about the life they will have.

Important things to consider:

What kind of life would my child have if born with disabilities (which are more common with older parents).
Who will be my child's family outside of their parents. Will they have siblings, aunties, uncles, cousins. A network of people who will sustain family connections into adulthood.
What would happen to my child if I (and or) my partner were to die.
Will I be young enough to provide childcare for any potential grandchildren. With the ever increasing cost of living, the child (as an adult) is likely to need to be in full time work, which means they will either have to pay for childcare (expensive) or rely on family.

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Thank you. And yes agree there are lots of things to consider carefully before deciding to have a child. We all ultimately just want the best for our children (that we have / plan to have).