Page 21 | Is 45 too old to have a baby

Catontoof · 2025-02-09T12:22:20+00:00

is this fair on a child? I am seriously considering this as I feel like therr has been a huge hole in my life.

Needspaceforlego · 09/02/2025 20:13

Op i don't think you'd neglect your older child but really your looking at a 17 year age gap.

That's massive, and very different stages in life and they probably always will be.

MercurialButton · 09/02/2025 20:13

overthinkersanonnymus · 09/02/2025 19:53

Maybe this is the reason for such high prevalence in special needs over the last 10 years or so. People pushing the age to have children right up to menopause. Younger eggs, younger sperm, younger bodies in general probably have less DNA damage. I don't know the ins and outs of the reasons, but it's a theory.

I still feel like a teenager, and not at all responsible enough for a full time job, mortgage and a baby. But biologically, that is not the case. The mind and body are not always aligned.

And I say that as someone who is 38 and has been trying for over 3 years for their first baby.

I think you will find that in the UK the majority of special needs are not related to parental age.
Most are related to
premature birth babies can survive very early, but not without complications
maternal illness during pregnancy
substance abuse
marrying first cousins
IVF
chromosomal issues not related to age - just unlucky - imperfect egg or imperfect sperm got together.

Maternal age will be a small percent of the total of special needs.

overthinkersanonnymus · 09/02/2025 20:14

@PyongyangKipperbang I'm not arsed about being shot down one bit.

As someone who is still trying for a baby at 38, the risk is increasing month by month for disabilities etc. that's why my cut off will be December this year.

Newposter180 · 09/02/2025 20:16

NorthernGirl1981 · 09/02/2025 19:17

All these anecdotes from women happily having their babies in their 40’s are completely missing the point.

It’s not about whether OP can have a baby and raise it, of course she is physically able to do that. The point most posters are making is that the OP needs to consider what the consequences to the child will be of having elderly parents when they themselves are young.

But there are also consequences of children being born to very young parents.
I had my children early 30s and that was pretty young by my social circle (although grandparent age according to this thread!).

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 09/02/2025 20:18

Strawberriesandpears · 09/02/2025 20:00

I think it is too old. The only slightly positive thing is that at least the child wouldn't be an only, so would have some chance of sibling support if you died young. They wouldn't be left entirely alone in the world. Although would it be fair to your 14 year old to potentially have to be responsible for a much younger sibling as just a young adult themself?

I am 38. I would love a child, but I won't he having one, as I am too old and I don't have any wider family for my potential child (my partner and I are both only children). It breaks my heart, I am grieving for the family I will never have and I am terrified of ending up all alone in the world. But none of that matters - the child comes first.

38 is not too old. You could easily have a couple of children and still not be too old.

Not all families are reliable, and plenty of people find themselves reliant on friends.

I just find your post so, so sad.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 09/02/2025 20:19

Newposter180 · 09/02/2025 18:26

Someone born in 1991 is 34… I think we can all agree that’s either untrue or not exactly ideal.

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Yes he had a daughter at 18, she has had a baby at 15 (baby was born last year).

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 09/02/2025 20:20

overthinkersanonnymus · 09/02/2025 20:14

@PyongyangKipperbang I'm not arsed about being shot down one bit.

As someone who is still trying for a baby at 38, the risk is increasing month by month for disabilities etc. that's why my cut off will be December this year.

As someone who had a baby aged 40, the risks are still more in your favour than against!

I remember my consultant once citing the odds of Down's and he said, "you'd bet on a horse with odds like that wouldn't you?"! Which was very true!

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 09/02/2025 20:22

lovingmememe · 09/02/2025 20:12

My friend said the older mum hype is coming to an end like the big brows.

Hopefully.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 09/02/2025 20:22

MercurialButton · 09/02/2025 20:13

I think you will find that in the UK the majority of special needs are not related to parental age.
Most are related to
premature birth babies can survive very early, but not without complications
maternal illness during pregnancy
substance abuse
marrying first cousins
IVF
chromosomal issues not related to age - just unlucky - imperfect egg or imperfect sperm got together.

Maternal age will be a small percent of the total of special needs.

Show quote history

Chromosomal imbalances are more common in very young ( less than 18) and older ( more than 34/35) in both men and women.

JumpinJellyfish · 09/02/2025 20:24

@Strawberriesandpears 38 is definitely not too old! OP is talking about 45 which is a whole different ballgame.

Redbushteaforme · 09/02/2025 20:28

I had mine at just short of 43 and just short of 47. I am nearly 61 now and they are 18 and 14. I would gave preferred to have had them when I was younger but this is how it worked out and it has been fine so far. They keep me young, mentally and physically.

You do need to think through the risks, though, and be prepared to accept these and anticipate them.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 09/02/2025 20:32

lovingmememe · 09/02/2025 20:12

My friend said the older mum hype is coming to an end like the big brows.

Do you believe everything your friend says? Is your friend some kind of expert?

I'd hardly be comparing fertility with big brows fgs!

It's not "hype" either. Sometimes the stars don't align for women to have their children and I definitely do not see this as some kind of 'trend' that is going to go away. That's ludicrous!!!

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 09/02/2025 20:32

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 09/02/2025 20:22

Hopefully.

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Why? Does it impact on your personally??!

pastapeteliketoeat · 09/02/2025 20:34

For me, personally, 45 is miles too old to have a baby. Imagine having a 15 year old at 60. Yikes.

Not for me.

I think it's quite selfish, actually.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 09/02/2025 20:35

pastapeteliketoeat · 09/02/2025 20:34

For me, personally, 45 is miles too old to have a baby. Imagine having a 15 year old at 60. Yikes.

Not for me.

I think it's quite selfish, actually.

100% this. ^

Cornflakes123 · 09/02/2025 20:36

Strawberriesandpears · 09/02/2025 20:00

I think it is too old. The only slightly positive thing is that at least the child wouldn't be an only, so would have some chance of sibling support if you died young. They wouldn't be left entirely alone in the world. Although would it be fair to your 14 year old to potentially have to be responsible for a much younger sibling as just a young adult themself?

I am 38. I would love a child, but I won't he having one, as I am too old and I don't have any wider family for my potential child (my partner and I are both only children). It breaks my heart, I am grieving for the family I will never have and I am terrified of ending up all alone in the world. But none of that matters - the child comes first.

I don’t understand this. My mother had me at 38. I didn’t even notice she was an older mum until I was an adult and we still have a great relationship. I’m pregnant at 38. It’s not unusual at all being pregnant at 38. Perhaps you have your other reasons but I think saying 38 is too old is ridiculous and insulting frankly.

NatterNatter50 · 09/02/2025 20:41

pastapeteliketoeat · 09/02/2025 20:34

For me, personally, 45 is miles too old to have a baby. Imagine having a 15 year old at 60. Yikes.

Not for me.

I think it's quite selfish, actually.

So women who don’t meet a partner until their 40s or have fertility issues taking them years and years to conceive are “selfish”? So insulting.

Cornflakes123 · 09/02/2025 20:45

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 09/02/2025 20:22

Hopefully.

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Why hopefully ?

Praying4Peace · 09/02/2025 20:47

Kindofembarrasing · 09/02/2025 20:02

It worked for me I appreciate not many 16 year olds could make it work but I'm still with the same man he works hard got a mortgage etc. Also finished school before baby was born got good GCSEs despite being pregnant. Obviously not recommending it to anyone else, late motherhood also comes with a lot of risks but can still work fine for some women my own mother being one example.

Edited

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Really pleased that it's worked out well for you all 🙏
I'm assuming that you had a supportive family network and support to deal with the enormity of having a baby at 16 and continuing GCSES etc.
That makes a huge difference.

pastapeteliketoeat · 09/02/2025 20:51

@NatterNatter50

Yes, I think it is selfish to put your want to have a baby ahead of the well-being of the person being born.

Understandable in some cases, but undeniably selfish!

Chongawonga · 09/02/2025 20:54

My youngest dc turns 11 just before I turn 45 soon and I'm so ready for the primary school run to be over this year and everything else that goes with having a younger child. I feel as though I'll have a lot more freedom once they start secondary. I can't even fathom starting again with a new baby, I'm too tired. Not to mention that the odds of having a dc with issues is much higher at 45 which would in all likelihood make your life much less enjoyable.

Cornflakes123 · 09/02/2025 20:57

I find it strange when women who had children in their 20s are so critical of older women having babies.

I didn’t know any men at all in my circle who wanted kids in their 20s. I don’t know where people meet men who want kids in their 20s. Some of my friends had kids in their 20s but these were apparently unplanned.

Kindofembarrasing · 09/02/2025 21:00

Praying4Peace · 09/02/2025 20:47

Really pleased that it's worked out well for you all 🙏
I'm assuming that you had a supportive family network and support to deal with the enormity of having a baby at 16 and continuing GCSES etc.
That makes a huge difference.

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Thank you for your kind words luckily baby was not born till the autumn after GCSEs and I didn't have morning sickness so was able to complete them with no issues. Can't say the family were supportive unfortunately very old school made me leave the family home but things worked out in the end

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 09/02/2025 21:01

pastapeteliketoeat · 09/02/2025 20:51

@NatterNatter50

Yes, I think it is selfish to put your want to have a baby ahead of the well-being of the person being born.

Understandable in some cases, but undeniably selfish!

100% agree.

Cornflakes123 · 09/02/2025 21:04

@pastapeteliketoeat some people say having a child is inherently selfish, regardless of the parents age.