Is 45 too old to have a baby

[Catontoof]

is this fair on a child?
I am seriously considering this as I feel like
therr has been a huge hole in my life.

I think it's different for everyone. I have a friend who had her first at age 40 and the next at 43. She is a fabulous mum with two wonderful children. She said she wouldn't have been able to cope in her 20s or 30s. On the other hand, you hear of older parents in their 60s exhausted by their teenage children. It depends on your circumstances and also whether you are physically able to have them? Unfortunately, fertility falls sharply in your mid 40s for most women.
Good luck, whatever you decide. xxx

45 is too old. Assuming you could even get pregnant, you would be almost 50 by the time he/she starts school. The age when some people are grandparents. Will you have the stamina to keep up with a toddler when you're in your late 40s? When the child is 16, you'd be 51, 52.

Go for it OP. If you are only 45 the chances are you will be 85 when your child is 40. My neighbour was caring for Grandchildren into her 80s. If you feel fit & healthy there is nothing stopping you.

I think your maths is a little out there😊

You are worrying about the wrong things.

You are older, without a partner - what makes you think that the question/opportunity will come up? You need to find a similar age partner who wants (more) children - what are the odds?

Live life to the max how things are.

FWIW - I am over a decade older than you & have the most wonderful DD born 8 years ago. Her school friends' parents (our friends) include 2 couples in their 50s.

Age is not the problem

It’s not so unusual these days, and much more common is having parents who become ill in mid life while kids are still young adults. It comes up a lot, no parent should allow a young adult child to turn into a carer.

Decade?
Two decades to physically raise em.
Three decades to financially raise em.

I’m 46 and have felt too old to have a baby probably for 4-5 years. However I had two in my late thirties

i don’t think it’s too old but you’re at an age where it’a quite likely to sadly not happen

What has made you decide now that there is a hole in your life, 14 years after having your eldest child, and why do you think it would be filled by a baby? 45 might not be too old for a baby, but it's too old to make an impulsive decision based on a feeling and then realise it hasn't solved the problem you were trying to fix.

Personally OP I wouldn’t.
But that’s coming from someone who raised a family in my 20s and 30s.
How would I feel if I were childless in my mid 40s is anyone’s guess really.

It’s not about the age OP will be when her child is an adult. It’s whether she has the energy to parent a toddler in her late forties and whether she can run around after a six year old when she is in her fifties.

the answer might be yes - some can.

my mum was a late baby. My grandmother was 45 when she was born. She remembers much older parents who had run out of energy. Who weren’t friends with anyone who had small children.

my grandmother was in her eighties by the time I was a toddler. She was amazing - but much, much older than my friend’s grannies. I lost her too soon.

it’s a bid decision. But for me the first five years would be the hardest.

It’s still normal in some social groups for sure, but the average age for a first child in the UK is 30 for women and 33 for me (2021) so overall (and more specifically in any middle class group) that would now be unusually young.

Yes. Full stop no mitigation. Please don’t. 🥰said with love xx

"Grandparent age"!!!!

I had a 5 year old when I was 45!

I do think it's probably pushing it at 45, but if you are in a situation where you can get pregnant, and you don't already have a child, I'd say give it a go, but be prepared that it might not happen.

Of course not, but it absolutely does mean that if they hadn't had children then they may well have a very different opinion.

I was 43 when I had my one and only child, who is now 25. I am forever grateful that I did it in a short-lived window. But I am fortunate to be married to a man who has always played a straight game and shouldered his full share of family responsibilities. Also, I had earned very well before I was a parent, and I/we are still deriving income from the investments made before DC.

Oh goodness me, how on Earth did I miss the detail about OP already having a child?! An even more certain no from me in that case. I assumed you had never experienced motherhood.

OP, are you sure it isn't your body becoming broody as menopause approaches?

You have an absolutely minute chance of getting and staying pregnant at 45.

Sure, we all know someone who managed it. But LOTS of them (and I include EVERY female celeb you might name) are using donor eggs in secret.

I have one friend currently pregnant at 45 and very shocked as she thought she was menopausal.

So many people in denial about the 40s being grandparent ages.
If someone has a baby in their early 20s, then that child has their own baby in their 20s, then the grandparent will be in their 40s. Totally normal.

Yes, totally normal for Victorian times - and women then went on to either die in childbirth or to keep producing babies until the menopause. How many women have babies in their early twenties now? The average age for first-time mothers in the UK is 30.9 years. With improvements in healthcare, most of us stay younger longer.

There is a level of judgement about women having children later in life that you simply don't get with men. And it's not just to do with the physical side of giving birth; there's a vague disapproval based on the idea that those women are somehow selfish because they waited. Absolute nonsense.

If your body is up for it and you feel you have the energy, resources and support, go for it!

I had my youngest at 43, was not exhausted, have been a very active parent, provider of energetic adventures, have longstanding school gate friendships that have become family friends. No teen trauma.

Do think about your planned retirement age and support through Uni, and plan for that. It’s brutal not having a few years to save after they leave home.

(I had no difficulty getting pregnant, no issues, and did not use IVF secretly or otherwise. 3 women in the ante natal group I attended were 40+ . But you can’t guarantee it, obviously)

I would never ask this question on here, this type of question seems to attract lots of people who finished having kids earlier and cannot see why anyone else wouldn't do the same as them.
It really, really comes down to your personal circumstances. If you have a home with little or no mortgage left to pay, money coming in from savings/investments and or career (with flexibility), good health and fitness, good support from partner/friends/family, relatives who tend to live till 80 + in fairly good health? - fantastic, why wouldn't you go for it, I'd say! But the fewer of these factors you have, then the less of a good idea this becomes...

Yes, it's too old. You'll be 60 when they're 15 and that's not funny either for you or the child. The baby stands a higher risk of disabilities and the effects on your own health too. Also, you have to consider your 14 year old. My brother and I have a similar age gap and we barely know each other to be honest. I also can't imagine that any 14 year old is going to be absolutely thrilled at the arrival of a screaming baby.

Don't fill holes in YOUR life by creating entirely new people.

Holes require therapy. Not babies.

I had a 5 year old when I was 45 but I still know FAR more women who were grandparents by their mid 40s than women who were giving birth in their mid 40s. And I'm definitely in the cohort (middle class north London) where older mothers are common.

A lot of denial and class privilege on this thread. Yeah there are some 60 year olds who are running marathons and launching their own fashion start ups but the fact is 61/62 is the healthy life expectancy in the UK. Most people will have started to have health issues. It is not ageist to point out that older parents are far more likely to have ill health than younger ones. It is also not sexist to point out that there is a massive difference between fathering a child at 45 and mothering a child at 45.

"I'm much healthier and fitter at 60 than 20!" Unless you were an obese heroin addict in your 20s, I very much doubt it.

(Oh…. P.S I wouldn’t have had a baby if I already had a 14 year old. For lots of reasons including supporting them through GCSEs and A levels and forming the last few years of family holidays with them not in a toddler-centric bubble )