Is 45 too old to have a baby

[Catontoof]

is this fair on a child?
I am seriously considering this as I feel like
therr has been a huge hole in my life.

You'll get so many mixed opinions on this but only you know you and how you would manage this. As long as you're fit and healthy, have a wide network of support especially in case anything ever happened to you if you'd be doing this alone then only you can decide this, not a bunch of strangers on the Internet. Write a list of pros and cons. Research medical conditions that may occur in mother's and children over the age of 40 and then decide. You're not an old lady and having a teenagers in your 50s wouldn't be the end of the world. I know parents that age and foster carers and they all manage and are happy. It's your life, you decide and good luck

Can't be true. Everyone on here knows that as soon as you hit 60 you're decrepit and need to either go in a nursing home or be euthanized. Unless you provide childcare that is.

Like what? Learning how to be your village when they should be out clubbing with their mates? If you do this it’s your baby, not your existing DC’s baby, they’re not your partner in this.

My parents didnt expect me to care for them but that is exactly what has ended up happening.

No one expects that, no one wants to be "that" parent but aging changes people both physically and emotionally and what seemed anathema during their 40's is treated as perfectly acceptable in their 70's. Little favours, nipping to the shop for example, gradually become bigger and bigger favours almost without anyone realising and then before you know it, you are a full time carer. As I am.

I have a close relative produced last baby of a family of 4 at 47. No issues no problems. It's all about the individuals concerned & nothing to do with age.

Yes, I personally think anything over 40 is too old. My parents were both 40 when they had me back in the 70’s. Dad died at 64 and mum’s health was terrible 50+. When I had my children in my early 30’s she was like an elderly woman and someone else I had to take care of. Best age is late 20’s to mid 30’s for me.

I’m 45, already have 2 kids and wouldn’t want a baby. I feel like I’ve just got my life back on track now the kids are not so dependent on me.
having said that my friend has recently had a surprise 3rd child at the age of 44. She seems happy.

@Catontoof what would your current DC benefit from a sibling. Only children can have great lives, they don’t need a sibling

Highly unlikely. It's much more likely that it was an older daughter's illegitimate child passed off as her own becaue in those days it was just too shameful.

My parents are a decade older than your mum and don't rely on me for anything. They were both working until a couple of years ago. They still volunteer several days a week. They travel abroad a few times a year. Look after my niece and nephew a couple of times a week and go hillwalking regulary. Dad swims most mornings and mums does yoga, pilates and line dancing.
Its not a given that you turn 60 and become reliant on others overnight which is just as well really as retirement age is closer to 70 than 60 now. Most people your mums age are still at work at least part time.

Yes

@hwi did the other siblings do most of the childcare?

This and babies aren't supposed to be filling a huge void in people's lives
Not fair on babies either!

I agree with those who say you don’t know how you actually will behave as an older person – let’s say someone of 70 - compared to how you think you will behave around your children. Also, unless I’ve missed it, you haven’t said if you have parents of your own because they are going to become increasingly demanding. You may think it’s not going to happen, I used to think that because my parents seemed so well, but things can go downhill very rapidly.

Sorry, I haven't read all the posts, here's my thoughts:

1. You would he lucky to get pregnant straightaway, so your question is really "Is 46-50 too old to have a baby"
2. As people say, think about when they are 21 you could be 66-71
3. If you die before they are 18, what's to stop them ending up in a children's home - have you got someone ready to adopt them?

What age did you have children out of interest? Woman are exhausted in their 40s/50s because of peri/menopause, I assume you’re one of those who sailed through it? Most don’t and OP needs to take that into consideration.

Exactly this. There is also a higher risk you'll get less time with you child/more importantly child less time with their parent . It isn't easy for dcs to lose parents younger either, or potentially have more caring to do from a younger age. My friend lost her Mum, Mum was 76, friend was 30. Her Mum was healthy, fit and nobody saw it coming. The truth is everybody will die, and it can happen at any age, but it is fact that there is a higher chance it'll happen when you're older, meaning your dcs will likely have longer to live without you. I say this as somebody who has lost a parent in my 30s; it hurts like hell.

Just pointing out that your experience isn't everyone's. I stand by whatbi said earlier, being in and out of hospital in your 50s is quite unusual and not the most likely scenario.

I know two people close to me who had babies at 45, no problems at all and both really pleased they did. One child is now an adult, the other a teen. They did have older children too, so maybe that was a help? But I don't think 45 is too old.

Has she not created other social connections for herself rather than relying on you?

Personally I would say too old.

An ex colleague had a child at 46 through IVF (shortly after her marriage broke down because her husband, who was older, was looking forward to retirement and not being a dad) and I heard through another friend that in her mid-late fifties she has onset dementia, so what should be her daughter's fun teenage years have been consumed by looking after her mum and ferrying her back and forth to hospital. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Maybe it would be better to foster a child instead? Or get a cat?

44 and youngest child is a delight, top set at school ( seniors) really popular with their peers.

Good luck, we are married, so have each other and other younger siblings, but certainly keeps you young

Might be worth exploring why you have this "hole" inside you.

How long have you felt like this? What triggered it?

I ask because I wonder if its the little talked about Perimeno "Last Chance Saloon" broodiness that affect a lot (a LOT) of women. Its as if your body is screaming "Do it now while you still can!!" before menopause proper starts. I went through it, every woman my age that I know well enough to ask went through it. It does pass.

Biologically probably not.

Ethically is a whole other matter.

How fit and healthy are you? Do you have a good support network around you? If the child decides on uni, how will you help support them in your retirement?

I am 45, I have an 11 year old but there is absolutely no way I would want to be going through sleepless nights, nappies, terrible 2's etc again. I barely have the energy to play tennis with her now, I cannot imagine trying to help her practice if I was 56.