Page 12 | Is 45 too old to have a baby

Catontoof · 2025-02-09T12:22:20+00:00

is this fair on a child? I am seriously considering this as I feel like therr has been a huge hole in my life.

JoyousGreyOrca · 09/02/2025 15:08

theduchessofspork · 09/02/2025 15:07

If you have no energy in your 50s, go see the doc, and get it sorted out. What are you going to be like at 70?!

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Lots of women in early 50s are still dealing with peri menopause. I was and it was tough and my energy levels were low.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 09/02/2025 15:09

BluebellsRinging · 09/02/2025 15:00

I’m not there yet but based on people I know I’d say 70 is a bit of a turning point. But by then you’d be past the worst.

You’d be past the worse but your poor kid will be going into early adulthood with possibly an elderly parent to look after. Not fair at all.

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Why would the young adult be looking after their elderly parent? They have a life to start. If the child hadn't been born then the parents would have had to make plans for their own old age care anyway. So why wouldn't they carry on with what old age plans they would have made, and let their young adult child go off and live their lives?

Figgygal · 09/02/2025 15:09

Yes its too old
I'm 44 and wouldn't contemplate it
It's probably your hormones fuelling this as you can see your chances dwindling.

Not sure what you think your existing child Would get from this?

rainbowunicorn · 09/02/2025 15:09

HardenYourHeart · 09/02/2025 13:59

Can't stress this enough!

Being healthy in your 40s in one thing, but a child will typically need 20 to 25 years before they are fully grown.

It's really not fair to see your parents in and out of the hospital in your teens, due to their advanced age.

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What are you on about? A child born to someone who is in their early 40s will be a teen when then the parent is in their 50s for the most part. I don't know many people in their 50s that are in and out of hospital with health issues and wouldn't call 50s advanced age.
In my work team the age range is from 19 to 75. None of my colleagues are in and out of hospital. Several of them, including at the upper end of the age range have not had a day off unwell in years and look after grandchildren regularly.
I know dozens of people in tbeir 70s who live full, active lives.

oakleaffy · 09/02/2025 15:09

Meadowfinch · 09/02/2025 15:06

It depends on you op.

I had DS at 45y2m. He arrived a healthy 8lb. He is now a strapping 6' teen.

However, I didn"'t drink, had never smoked and was fairly fit . We also have a family history of late babies. My dm had me at 43 and dsis at 45.

I had an easy pregnancy, no issues, worked until 35 weeks, slightly slow labour.

When DS was three, I took the conscious decision to improve my fitness because I didn't want to be an 'old' mum. My own mum had never joined in with any of the school activities. I took up running at 48.

I became a single mum when DS was 3. Since then I've taught him to swim, to cycle, to ski, to shoot. We cycled together all through covid and still ski together even though I'm in my 60s. I still run 5k two or three times a week.

I think if you are prepared to put in the work, look after yourself, and have the resources for another child, then yanbu.

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You probably have good genes.
A relative of mum’s ( sadly not my bio mum!) was mentally pin sharp and active and keeping hens at 101.

She was a slim and wiry woman - being active definitely helps.

BluebellsRinging · 09/02/2025 15:10

CurlyhairedAssassin · 09/02/2025 15:02

As I've said before on threads like this, you probably say you couldn't do it because you're coming at it as someone who has been through many years of exhausting childrearing already. They bleed you dry health-wise, over many year. Compared with someone who has simply just had to work and could have as many lie ins or holidays as they wanted for all of their 30s, kept themelves fit etc, and it's no wonder you feel more exhausted than them.

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I actually hadn’t thought about it like that. I’m 53 and absolutely exhausted but I have 4 adult kids, maybe if I’d been child free till my 40s and then had them I wouldn’t be quite so bad? But this doesn’t apply to OP anyway as she has a 14 year old already.

theduchessofspork · 09/02/2025 15:10

NorthernGirl1981 · 09/02/2025 15:05

well be glad my mother isn’t your mother then 👍

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Don’t be daft, no one sensible in their 20s stays home to look after their parents.

I wouldn’t have let my kids do it, my parents wouldn’t have let me do it.

People of that age are focused on their peer group and careers ie they are fairly selfish and so they should be, and if they aren’t - no parent should allow it. Otherwise we’d all be pissing in mud huts..

NorthernGirl1981 · 09/02/2025 15:11

Catontoof · 09/02/2025 15:02

Didn't that depend on the parent though? And the child
I certainly wouldn't expect my child to spend their best years caring for me

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I don’t “care” for my mum, she is perfectly healthy, but she lives alone and sees me as her support system and her social life. I’m very aware that if I didn’t see her as much as I do, or help her out as much as I do, then she would struggle. I don’t mind doing it as she’s my mum, but it does feel claustrophobic at times. There’s just this underlying sense of her being my responsibility because she’s my mum, I can’t just walk away from her (and nor would I want to), but it can be draining at times.

If you hit your late 60s and have health problems and are generally quite alone, I’m quite confident your 20 year old would feel obliged to look after you in the same way I feel towards my mum whether that was your intention or not.

Chenecinquantecinq · 09/02/2025 15:11

This thread is an example of a basic lack of understanding of ovarian reserve. Outliers are not the norm!! Yes women throughout history have delivered healthy babies in latter years it is not the norm!!!!

JoyousGreyOrca · 09/02/2025 15:12

theduchessofspork · 09/02/2025 15:10

Don’t be daft, no one sensible in their 20s stays home to look after their parents.

I wouldn’t have let my kids do it, my parents wouldn’t have let me do it.

People of that age are focused on their peer group and careers ie they are fairly selfish and so they should be, and if they aren’t - no parent should allow it. Otherwise we’d all be pissing in mud huts..

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They may not stay home and do physical care, but they can sort out IT, accompany to hospital appointments, do bits of DIY.

oakleaffy · 09/02/2025 15:12

Figgygal · 09/02/2025 15:09

Yes its too old
I'm 44 and wouldn't contemplate it
It's probably your hormones fuelling this as you can see your chances dwindling.

Not sure what you think your existing child Would get from this?

It’s undoubtedly hormones.
The last hurrah.

But if one has a healthy child already, don’t roll the dice 🎲 🎲 a second time at this age.

NorthernGirl1981 · 09/02/2025 15:13

theduchessofspork · 09/02/2025 15:10

Don’t be daft, no one sensible in their 20s stays home to look after their parents.

I wouldn’t have let my kids do it, my parents wouldn’t have let me do it.

People of that age are focused on their peer group and careers ie they are fairly selfish and so they should be, and if they aren’t - no parent should allow it. Otherwise we’d all be pissing in mud huts..

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Most people in their 20s don’t have parents who are nearing 70 so they aren’t put in the position of having to decide between living their own life or feeling obligated to stay and look after their parents are they?!

rainbowunicorn · 09/02/2025 15:14

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 09/02/2025 14:09

It is though. Lots of people are grandparents by 45-50. Indeed if you have a baby in your mid-late 40s, most people (in the real world) will think you're their grandparent by the time you take them to school.

That's a fact I'm afraid..

.

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Maybe in your world. In my world grandparents in their 40s is very unusual.

BluebellsRinging · 09/02/2025 15:14

theduchessofspork · 09/02/2025 15:07

If you have no energy in your 50s, go see the doc, and get it sorted out. What are you going to be like at 70?!

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Ever heard of peri/menopause? 🤨

JoyousGreyOrca · 09/02/2025 15:15

BluebellsRinging · 09/02/2025 15:14

Ever heard of peri/menopause? 🤨

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Exactly! Its easy for younger women to say rubbish like this.

BurntBroccoli · 09/02/2025 15:15

Yes - your body starts to hurt at 50 and you will have to be running after a small child!

HardenYourHeart · 09/02/2025 15:15

rainbowunicorn · 09/02/2025 15:09

What are you on about? A child born to someone who is in their early 40s will be a teen when then the parent is in their 50s for the most part. I don't know many people in their 50s that are in and out of hospital with health issues and wouldn't call 50s advanced age.
In my work team the age range is from 19 to 75. None of my colleagues are in and out of hospital. Several of them, including at the upper end of the age range have not had a day off unwell in years and look after grandchildren regularly.
I know dozens of people in tbeir 70s who live full, active lives.

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All anecdotal.

I was a child to older parents and own my experiences are totally different. I don't want that for any child, because it was horrible.

That's what I am on about.

Meadowfinch · 09/02/2025 15:17

NorthernGirl1981 · 09/02/2025 14:58

Yes it is.

It isn’t fair to the child. At a time when they should be flying the nest, exploring the world, going on adventures etc they will probably not feel free to do any of it as their parents are creeping towards their 70s.

My mum is only 66 but she still depends on me a lot now for all sorts of things and I feel this heavy weight of responsibility on my shoulders. I’m 42 years old and I find that kind of pressure hard to live with, never mind if I was 20!

But @NorthernGirl1981 , people are different.

I'm 61 with a sixteen year old. No issues at all. l work full time, DS will head off to uni in 18 months. I'll keep working so he doesn't have any student debt, then I'll retire.

I can't imagine depending on anyone, I'm still running a department. 😀

Lavenderflower · 09/02/2025 15:17

I think it depends on whether you got children or not. I think if you never had any it's fine but if you have children, it doesn't make sense to have another one.

biggreenapple24 · 09/02/2025 15:17

I don't think it's too old, not if it will be a huge regret for you.

But if I did it, I'd really invest in staying active and healthy so I was mobile and with it well into my 70s.

It would be exhausting for sure, but I don't think you would regret it.

MumoftwoGranofone · 09/02/2025 15:19

When I was about your age I wanted another child. I am sure it was psychological because I knew it might be the last opportunity to do so. I am pleased I didn't as I had serious health issues a couple of years later. However, I think it just depends on individual circumstances etc. Many older people (including several of my friends) foster children of all ages (including newborns) and are fantastic.

SapphOhNo · 09/02/2025 15:19

Yes. Its too old. Would you adopt an older child?

Grapewrath · 09/02/2025 15:21

45 isn’t old to have a baby but those I’ve known who had babies in their early 40s feel very differently about having preteens in their 50s
i think you need to also understand that conceiving and having healthy pregnancy at 45 would be very unusual

Meadowfinch · 09/02/2025 15:23

BurntBroccoli · 09/02/2025 15:15

Yes - your body starts to hurt at 50 and you will have to be running after a small child!

My body doesn't hurt and I'm 10 years older than that. There are a lot of sweeping generalisations on here.

MrsMurphyIWish · 09/02/2025 15:23

I’m 46 with a 13 and 10 year old. I’m knackered with menopause, career and navigating their life as well. I can handle a baby -I can’t contemplate handling teens at 60. I also know it’ll get harder with the exam years and navigating them into adulthood, especially DS who is autistic. Do you want to stand outside the under an umbrella in the rain at 60 watching your DC and play sport? (Not bitter 😂)