Is 45 too old to have a baby

[Catontoof]

is this fair on a child?
I am seriously considering this as I feel like
therr has been a huge hole in my life.

I was 43 and never regretted it for a second. 65 now. But you have to stay fit and active, and you need luck on your side to stay healthy (which you do anyway really even if you are younger).
There's nothing wrong with being a lone child (at least you don't have to split the inheritance). Those kids just learn to be closer to their cousins or friends.

You'll need money and a strong support system, ie friends who can help out or enough money for a nanny

But if you want one, and you know you can offer love and stability, you should have one! Or adopt if its not physically possible ❤️

I wonder if all those people talking about what it’ll be like to be 60 have reached that age yet? I felt pretty good at 60, would probably have been better at handling a teen than when I actually did it, in my 40s.

I’m not there yet but based on people I know I’d say 70 is a bit of a turning point. But by then you’d be past the worst.

I wouldn’t say too old. My husband was 46 and 49 when ours were born. I was 39 when I had my youngest and possibly considering one more next year when I’ll be 41.

Just to add about my earlier comments about being the best version of yourself for your child. When I was younger I probably didn't give my mortality that much thought but having a baby at an older age has made me far more aware of my own health. If you do decide to go ahead OP please invest in your health.

Life expectancy does change depending on your weight and fitness levels. You are more likely to have a baby with down syndrome if you are heavier. And you are at an increased risk of cancer.

I do find MN to be really really judgy about many things and one is older mums.
im 41 and pregnant with my first and will have baby when I’m 42.
i have a stable marriage, house with good careers and finances so what is the issue?!
I also don’t feel like MN make out I should feel.
i see so many posts about women who feel frumpy and old.
well I don’t. I don’t look or feel my age (whatever that should be). I am young at heart but I feel MN is fuddy duddy and full of people who seem older than they are

Yes it is.

It isn’t fair to the child. At a time when they should be flying the nest, exploring the world, going on adventures etc they will probably not feel free to do any of it as their parents are creeping towards their 70s.

My mum is only 66 but she still depends on me a lot now for all sorts of things and I feel this heavy weight of responsibility on my shoulders. I’m 42 years old and I find that kind of pressure hard to live with, never mind if I was 20!

Entirely depends on the individual. Their health, fitness, economic resources.

To be clear I am not saying I am going to get pregnant for my child. I am saying that there are things from this DC coukd and would benefit from!

Wow 😮 MN is insane

I’m not there yet but based on people I know I’d say 70 is a bit of a turning point. But by then you’d be past the worst.

You’d be past the worse but your poor kid will be going into early adulthood with possibly an elderly parent to look after. Not fair at all.

My parents are older and they don’t depend on me

Putting aside the issues with having a child at 45 I don't think this is as much of an issue as you might think. There's about 15 years between my eldest and youngest and they are the two closest siblings.

As I've said before on threads like this, you probably say you couldn't do it because you're coming at it as someone who has been through many years of exhausting childrearing already. They bleed you dry health-wise, over many year. Compared with someone who has simply just had to work and could have as many lie ins or holidays as they wanted for all of their 30s, kept themelves fit etc, and it's no wonder you feel more exhausted than them.

Didn't that depend on the parent though? And the child
I certainly wouldn't expect my child to spend their best years caring for me

I am 62 and a lot of people seem to have cancer, bad backs and other issues. And my social circle is full of sporty people.

I hate it when some say kids keep me young sorry kids keep me broke.

It’s almost always impossible to do in naturally at your age.

But if you can and want to, do. It’s older than ideal but you should be around till they are 30 so it’ll do.

You can still adopt young children at your age (in some areas anyway) I know people who have.

I know. Many people are still working full time at 66. I assume the parents in question already had health issues which are not age-related.

This in spades.

You are imagining a little cooing baby

But imagine a possibility disabled teenager roaring at you and smashing your house up at 60.

A friends friend had a late baby and he has severe disabilities that made him a threat to her life.
He is now a young adult in a supported home.

It’s too dangerous to have him living back with her although she wants to give it another go.

She is well into her 60’s now.

Being an older parent does carry risk of disability that needs daily care - is that fair on the child?
When one dies who cares for them?

well be glad my mother isn’t your mother then 👍

So, to clarify what I meant, I’m not saying you become decrepit at 70. Just that you do start to feel older in ways that people seem to think happens at 60. In their seventies my parents were living abroad and travelling the world, they were having more of a life than I was. In their eighties they did need support but they were no problem to me before that.

It depends on you op.

I had DS at 45y2m. He arrived a healthy 8lb. He is now a strapping 6' teen.

However, I didn"'t drink, had never smoked and was fairly fit . We also have a family history of late babies. My dm had me at 43 and dsis at 45.

I had an easy pregnancy, no issues, worked until 35 weeks, slightly slow labour.

When DS was three, I took the conscious decision to improve my fitness because I didn't want to be an 'old' mum. My own mum had never joined in with any of the school activities. I took up running at 48.

I became a single mum when DS was 3. Since then I've taught him to swim, to cycle, to ski, to shoot. We cycled together all through covid and still ski together even though I'm in my 60s. I still run 5k two or three times a week.

I think if you are prepared to put in the work, look after yourself, and have the resources for another child, then yanbu.

If you have no energy in your 50s, go see the doc, and get it sorted out. What are you going to be like at 70?!

It is quite rare to become pregnant naturally at this age. What makes you think it is possible? Egg storage/donation fine imo but waiting till you are peri menopausal is a folly in most cases.