It's a wedding one! Missing DD's last day of school

[notanotherweddingaibu]

DH's best friend of many years is getting married in July. DH is the best man.

It will be a small, intimate wedding. Apart from the B&G's DC, the B&G's parents and the brides sister and her DP, DH and I are the only people invited to the ceremony.

We were only told the date last week and it turns out the wedding is on the last day of the school term, and our Year 6 DD's last ever day of primary school.

DD is Autistic and struggles with 'transitions' so is anxious about the prospect of moving up to secondary school. DD and her 2 best friends are all going to different secondary schools, and although there are good reasons for this and DD is definitely happy with her choice I think it's likely all 3 of them will become upset at some point when the realisation hits that it's their last day at school together. We know that the Leavers assembly isn't on the last day, but I suppose it's possible that there may be something else going on involving parents on the last day that hasn't been announced yet.

I am struggling with the idea of DD not having a parent around so part of me thinks DH should just go without me. I feel I should put her first. But the Groom is one of our oldest and closest friends. I'm very fond of him and the idea of missing his wedding makes me feel really sad.

The wedding is a 3 hour drive away, so we wouldn't be able to take her to school then go. We will either have to stay overnight or be back very late.

We are lucky to have two sets of GP's who are very willing babysitters so childcare not an issue.

YABU: Of course you can't both miss your DD's last day of primary school, DH should go to the wedding alone.

YANBU: She'll be fine with the GP's, of course you should both go to the wedding.

Honestly the end of year 6 seems to go on forever. Most of the events aren't held on the last day, we had a good few who weren't in school that day. I'd just take her out for the day

Ahh I’d find this tough too. My DD and her friends were all really emotional at the end of their last day. They all hung around for a while chatting and cuddling etc. BUT most of the ‘proper’ leaving stuff happened in the days before that, the leaving party, shirt signings etc.

I think if I was really close to the couple getting married, I’d go to the wedding and let grandparents do the last day.

She definitely will not want to miss the last day of school, which I understand as I would have been the same at her age.

I wouldn’t let her miss the last day. I had a y6 in my class who had had a really difficult y6 and struggled with friendships etc, her mum booked a holiday missing the last day thinking she’d not care as she’d had a pretty miserable year. Child was devastated, it’s a rite of passage. (They ended up going a day late.) if your daughter has good friends snd enjoys school and is already anxious about the transition, I would think the last day would be very important to her. (Also, the leavers assembly not on the last day is very unusual- are you sure about that?)

As to whether you need to be there or if a grandparent would suffice, only you will know! But I would definitely try to facilitate her being there.

Whereas I’m generally fine with missing a day of school for something like a wedding the last day of primary school is a tough call. My ds would have not been happy about that at all.

I took mine out to avoid the emotional upset. The previous year all 30 kids sobbed their way through the goodbye assembly and I just thought it was unnecessary. So we booked our holiday for the last day 😊

I don’t think OP is asking whether her DD should miss the last day. DD is going in regardless, OP is just feeling bad about either missing her last day (because grandparents will be there instead) or missing friends wedding.

Last day of year 6 is a special day for them. Although a lot of stuff will have already happened I expect (leavers hoodies, prom if your school does that sort of thing) our school does a whole school send off with all other year groups saying goodbye and making an arch for them to go through and generally making a fuss of them on the last day. I can be pretty overwhelming and emotional, so I would want to be there to pick up my DD rather than leaving it to the grandparents.

Sorry, my OP may not have been clear, DD herself will definitely not be missing the last day. She wouldn't want that and we totally get it.

Leavers assembly is the day before. No idea why.

I think if she’s happy with her grandparents then you are fine to go to the wedding.

I would really struggle with this too as I attempt to attend all school things for mine … but we beat ourselves up too much sometimes. If she’s happy and comfortable with GPs being there for the day then she’ll be fine, and you are allowed some time off to attend this wedding xx

It would be v sad to miss the wedding but I do think, with what you’ve said about your DD, I’d stay at home for the day and send DH to the wedding.

I wouldn't go to the wedding personally. You can only be in one place so you have to pick event which you'll miss.

Only you will have much of an idea how upset she’s likely to be, how well GP’s will understand this and how effective their consolation and support is likely to be.

I was very surprised who was most upset in both of our ds’s classes at leaving primary. Definitely not those that I would have expected to be.

our leavers discos were on the last day of term so that would definitely swing things for me.

I know I would have to miss the wedding in your shoes.

Only you know if grandparents will be able to adequately support her if she’s upset or not if you aren’t there.

If it was me, I’d probably rather be there for her because I know I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the wedding fully and relax worrying if she was ok anyway. But that’s very much a me issue, if you feel she’ll be ok and grandparents can support and you can enjoy it then go.

Sorry I misunderstood

its not ideal but yes i think fine to leave your daughter to it with grandparents

ours had a party after school (organised by parents not school). I’d be surprised if there wasn’t some kind of social event after so
just bear that in mind (can grandparents collect etc)

You'll know your DD best but personally I would have thought the grandparents could support her sufficiently throughout it and make a fuss of her afterwards. And you can video call her before and afterwards so she knows you're thinking of her - I don't think you necessarily need to be physically there if she has someone she trusts to give her a hug. Of course, if the grandparents are difficult, embarrassing or for some other reason not on your DD's wavelength, my answer would be different.

You say you can't drop her to school and get to the wedding, just wondering if you could go the night before, let the grandparents do drop off and then come back by yourself after the ceremony leaving DH to stay behind.

That way you don't miss the most important part of the wedding but are there for the school pick up?

I'd be the same, wouldn't want to miss my kids' last day of y6.

If it's only 3 hour drive, I'd take her to school then go on to the wedding. You'd still be there before noon, right?

Honestly... I'd miss the wedding to be with DD. But I'm overly precious about my children's emotional wellbeing😂😂

my dc has just gone up to high school and on his last day all the parents stood in two lines and clapped the children and yr6 teachers out. Very emotional for everyone and I would hate to miss that. The kids were just hugging and crying. So sweet

Oh you can't miss it, my DD's was so so emotional. We all sang one more step along the world I go...

There's no way I could be there for the ceremony and be back in time for school pick up even if I got lucky with traffic unfortunately.

I wouldn't want to miss the last day. My DD was yr6 last year and we took the kids to the park after school.
I doubt DD will have any memories of me being a part of her last day, but I'll always remember and wouldn't have wanted to miss any of it.

I think you are overthinking this. I also think many parents feel the importance of this more than their kids and drive all the events and drama. I would go to the wedding. You are essentially considering missing an event to do a school pick up. Your parents can soothe any tears.