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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

It's a wedding one! Missing DD's last day of school

135 replies

notanotherweddingaibu · 08/02/2025 17:52

DH's best friend of many years is getting married in July. DH is the best man.

It will be a small, intimate wedding. Apart from the B&G's DC, the B&G's parents and the brides sister and her DP, DH and I are the only people invited to the ceremony.

We were only told the date last week and it turns out the wedding is on the last day of the school term, and our Year 6 DD's last ever day of primary school.

DD is Autistic and struggles with 'transitions' so is anxious about the prospect of moving up to secondary school. DD and her 2 best friends are all going to different secondary schools, and although there are good reasons for this and DD is definitely happy with her choice I think it's likely all 3 of them will become upset at some point when the realisation hits that it's their last day at school together. We know that the Leavers assembly isn't on the last day, but I suppose it's possible that there may be something else going on involving parents on the last day that hasn't been announced yet.

I am struggling with the idea of DD not having a parent around so part of me thinks DH should just go without me. I feel I should put her first. But the Groom is one of our oldest and closest friends. I'm very fond of him and the idea of missing his wedding makes me feel really sad.

The wedding is a 3 hour drive away, so we wouldn't be able to take her to school then go. We will either have to stay overnight or be back very late.

We are lucky to have two sets of GP's who are very willing babysitters so childcare not an issue.

YABU: Of course you can't both miss your DD's last day of primary school, DH should go to the wedding alone.

YANBU: She'll be fine with the GP's, of course you should both go to the wedding.

OP posts:

Original poster

notanotherweddingaibu · 09/02/2025 13:47

Toomanyemails · 09/02/2025 13:03

You sound like a lovely mum, a good friend and generally a very kind and chilled person!
It's a shame B&G didn't check the dates with their small guest list, as it sounds like you and DP are the groom's only guests. Like you said, they have every right to do it how they want, but hopefully they'll understand the flip side of that is that not everyone will be able to make it. Can you do something separately as a four to celebrate, assuming you're also close with them?

That's a nice idea. I'll suggest that. Maybe we could take them out for a nice meal or something. I would say I am close with the Groom, he's DH's best mate first and foremost but I've known him for 20 years. I haven't seen as much of him over the last few years admittedly as he moved out of the area and doesn't come back often but i'm fond of him. I wouldn't say I'm close with his DP, she's not someone I would naturally gravitate towards as we're very different, but we get along fine. She seems to make him happy and she's good to his DC which all I care about.

OP posts:

TickingAlongNicely · 09/02/2025 14:34

BettyBardMacDonald · 09/02/2025 11:53

I would definitely cool a 20-year friendship if I realized my friends didn't prioritize my tiny wedding.

I wouldn't think ill of them, but I would accept that we weren't very important to them and that our lifestyles weren't compatible going forward, and not exert myself to perpetuate the relationship.

I would cool a friendship with someone who was so wrapped up in their own world they expected their wedding to be prioritised over a child with additional needs...

Friendships go both ways.

JimHalpertsWife · 09/02/2025 14:39

If you invite someone with dc to your wedding, on a school day, then you have to be prepared that they might not be able to make it.

Longma · 09/02/2025 16:10

Roselilly36 · 08/02/2025 19:28

The last day of year 6 is really special, well it was for both of my two at their school. Don’t miss out on that lovely last day OP.

Nothing much happened on DD's actual last day. As a teacher I couldn't be there most of the time for it anyway. She had various events in the week or two before which me or Dh got to. Those were the big events.

The final day they finished early and went out for a lunch at a local eatery. About half the parents attended with the rest being at work, but those that went took the ones without parents. Then one family hosted a big sleepover at their house that night, going straight after the late lunch - parents didn't go to that.

Bestfadeplans · 09/02/2025 18:24

notanotherweddingaibu · 09/02/2025 11:40

DD is very resilient. Hence she has made the decision to go to a different high school to her friends, because its the right environment for her.

I'm not sure where you got the idea that she is "always shielded from anything that's hard" and that we are "always caving to her fears". In the last 12 months alone she has pushed herself massively out of her comfort zone to go on a residential trip, joined a new extra-curricular club where she didnt know anyone, and performed in front of very large audiences. She has also dealt with a bereavement and serious family illness.

Life is always going to be a bit harder for her than it would be if she was NT and there's nothing I can do to change that. DD has to do things every day that scare her. Because being ND in a world that is set up for the comfort and convenience of NT people is really, really hard. So to be honest with you if her SEN very occasionally causes "inconvenience/disappointment" for adults maybe they're the ones who need to develop their resilience?

Show quote history

If you feel that way, why have you posted asking for advice?

You can make it, you've got childcare covered, you've just chosen not to.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 09/02/2025 18:33

Another one where no one's reading the OP?! The parents didn't mingle with the children barely at all on my DC's last day. We all went to the park and the parents consoled each other with wine and nibbles and the children hung out nearby. Some of the teachers came down to say goodbye but it wasn't at all important for me to be there, as far as my daughter was concerned. I think your DD will be fine with her friends and GPs.

If you think you'll be OK then I think it's fine to miss it.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 09/02/2025 18:51

Haha - apologies for my pot/kettle moment when I didn't read later posts 🙄

Original poster

notanotherweddingaibu · 09/02/2025 19:05

Bestfadeplans · 09/02/2025 18:24

If you feel that way, why have you posted asking for advice?

You can make it, you've got childcare covered, you've just chosen not to.

Edited

Show quote history

I didn't know that asking for advice meant you weren't allowed to disagree with anything that is said on the thread!

I agree, I've made a choice to prioritise my child. I'm not disputing that.

OP posts:

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 09/02/2025 19:20

Will it actually be her last day at school? Here, Y6 go for a transition fortnight at their high schools for the last 2 weeks of the summer term.

JimHalpertsWife · 09/02/2025 19:23

A whole fortnight? That's mad

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