Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

[keithmoo]

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

Providing you retrain in certain professions and take a US driving test. Someone we knew was a critical care pediatric nurse in UK but had to retrain and take US qualifications. It used to be if you stayed in US more than three months on spousal visa you need to take a US driving test. You can't just move to US and transfer automatically re jobs etc especially if on spousal visa.

@Parker231 Americans are aware of world affairs but I’m not sure ‘Trump land grabs’ will particularly impact OP or what you want everyday Americans to say about it? Tariffs still haven’t happened. It is a big time of change in the U.S. no doubt, the next few years will be very interesting to say the least!

I've lived there @keithmoo and found it a horrifically racist country. They've got an arrogance to them about it being the best country in the world (god help the rest of the world then!) at the same time as knowing very very little about the rest of the world. I was told to go back where I came from, that I was only there to get the benefits of a civilised country, and that I was a passport job!

I found the lack of world knowledge very scary and in particular, the lack of attention paid to the rest of the world on the news, in their newspapers and on their media. I think because the UK is so small, we look out a lot (but then so have the other countries I've lived in, so it isn't just the UK). The US is the exact opposite. Only interested in themselves.

I actually had a green card from living/working there but I've let it expire. Have no desire to go back. It was definitely a hardship post for me. And that hasn't been the case in any other country I've lived in.

Also the U.S. driving tests are scarily easy!! You will absolutely be able to drive out here and driving here is very straight forward. Turning right on red is something I’d sorely miss if we come back to England.

Realistically i can see why a single man would go. But no way would I move there unless I'd had my tubes snipped and both my kids were boys. Those states are waging war on women via their bodies.

OP you will find Ohio generally very right wing. That may be okay for you personally, but if not, you may find that tough.
The racism in Ohio though is what would put me off taking children over there.

Here’s why we never moved to the USA - despite being eligible
Guns
Guns
Guns
The US is a much more violent country than here. Guns, and before anyone mentions knives - they have that too x100.
Shooter drills for your little kids. And bloody guns everywhere, esp where you’re headed.
My SIL’s ‘checklist’ for sleepovers included asking the parents - if they had guns ( almost always yes) and if the guns were properly secured and locked ( varied)
and if prescription drugs were locked away

I refuse to go on holiday to counties with an oppressive regime and appalling human rights. Sadly that now includes America.

On mumsnet posters regularly persuade women in an abusive relationship to leave by saying "what is it teaching your children about relationships and boundaries?". I'd feel the same way about living in America and would worry that my children would grow up thinking such right wing / religious / conspiracy views are acceptable.

To any Americans reading this, I'm sorry, I'm sure you are lovely kind people, but seriously, LTB (LTUS)

Totally agree

OP I’d take comments from anyone that doesn’t live there or hasn’t for a while with a big pinch of salt. Seeing comments about the use of baby nurseries postpartum and these are basically unheard of now!! When I had my baby there actually was not a single hospital in our large city where they have nurseries for newborns. Breastfeeding is also heavily supported and encouraged (I saw another comment saying it’s not here).

I was shocked at how good the healthcare is coming from the NHS.

Trump
School shootings
Healthcare

It’s a no from me. They don’t look after their citizens, not very civilised if you ask me.

If I didn’t have kids and Trump wasn’t on the scene then I would probably go because it is an amazing country in many ways. But no.

Please, bare in mind that getting a work visa for foreigners is really difficult in the US. You may not be allowed to work, which means you'll be completely dependent on your husband. Even if your relationship is solid now, what if you break up? Would you be able to leave the country with the kids and go back to the UK?

What you should also look at is health care insurance. Unless you will all be fully covered by your husband's policy, one trip to the hospital could leave you thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of dollars into debt.

If you were to get pregnant again and things go wrong, you might not be able to get any health care at all. If you are in Texas, doctors can do very little until they no longer detect a heart beat. The maternal mortality rate was already quite high in the US and is even higher now they banned abortion in a national level.

To be honest, as a woman you couldn't pay me enough to move to the US. There is no way I'd want to put my life on the line to live in such a backward country.

The chocolate is terrible but you'll have no problem getting good coffee. Despite the craziness you'll have an amazing time and a great experience for your children.

In all fairness, you could say the same about the uk.

I would have gone when I was younger with no ties but there is no way I would want my children to live there.
Mine are 7 and 4 and would be absolutely devastated to leave their Grandparents, family, friends and school.
I wouldn't risk them being shot every day just going to school.
I hate the oppressive religion.
Expensive Healthcare
Very poor Annual leave
I have a daughter (should need no explanation)
Trump
Musk

For the record i love the US, been visiting since the 80's and we were just there in November but it's very different living there.

Another one saying personally, no.

Fine for DH but not you. Healthcare for women is fraught with danger right now if you are pregnant because doctors have to put the life of the child over the life of the mother, even if her life is in danger. They can’t act until really it’s too late and there have been many deaths or women left with no further ability to have a pregnancy because of removing much more than a foetus because it has been left past the point of normal intervention. If you were to become pregnant I would say get on the first plane home.

And again, you need to think if you are prepared for your Junior children to do drills in case of a shooting in their school. Not for me.

Some might think that over the top but I don’t think that serious unrest can be ruled out.

you can get good choc and coffee here.

I'll give you coffee, but good chocolate? that's a barefaced lie! American chocolate is revolting. Cadburys has taken a serious downturn here in the UK as it is. You need artisan or Swiss to be good these days but Hersheys and its friends are just vomit

I would do it but only for a few years. I have friends who are in the US. They want to come back to the UK but their adult children are now settling down there. Stuck between a rock and a hard place! My children are now young adults. If I had my time again I would live closer to my family.

I have family in the South I HATE going be becuase of the nice to your ( white) face but current of racism running through EVERYTHING.
But if OP wasn’t white I do t think she or her family would have a good experience at all. That’s all.

And you can get Swiss chocolate in the U.S….

Along with chocolate from other places.

I was so disappointed when I tried UK Easter eggs this year 😅

Exactly. Although I think you'll be able to source reasonable quality Swiss chocolate there. But if you're a tea drinker, take a 10 year supply of British tea with you. Their black tea is vile.

I expect this will likely happen to me, and I will always want to be near my children. Curious why your friends are wanting to move back? Is it to be near their own parents?

Yes life is very safe if you stay in one place and wrap yourself in cotton wool. If things get really bad then they can come back, if she needs an abortion she can fly back to uk, husband is moving for a good job so they can afford good healthcare and potentially private education. Who knows what will happen in trumps second terms but to assume it will turn to hell is shortsighted, he was in power before and the economy did very well. I don’t agree with his policies but I won’t blindly assume a whole country will go to shit because he’s not a nice person and has some crazy ideas. OP is clearly intelligent and knows the US is more unstable right now but life is about taking calculated risks. Who knows she Could be better off in the US rather than festering away like the rest of us in the UK which is becoming very stagnant. At least they are trying different things in the US.