Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

[keithmoo]

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

Nope. I'm white. I still got the comments. They just generally hate foreigners, other than that peculiar brand of pale skinned American that loves a British accent. But yes, a LOT harder if you're Black or Asian.

In what ways do you think it’s better?

Food quality?
Abortion rights
Maternity leave/pay
Educational attainment
Gun crime
etc

I didn't say USAmerican chocolate is good, I said that it's possible to get good chocolate in the USA. In my experience, you can get almost anything here if you can pay for it and do the work to source it, but I also appreciate that there are varieties of chocolate that are so hard to source that some may say it's impossible.

Is there some kind of chocolate you're been looking for and are unable to find in the USA?

I buy Yorkshire tea here weekly luckily!! I’ve also seen Pg tips in shops and hilariously they all sell Barry’s tea which I don’t think I ever even saw in the UK?!

Yeah, never mind the guns, racism, Trump, crazy healthcare, shooter drills, lack of leave from work, rolling back of human rights - the chocolate really should be the dealbreaker here!

American here. On the other hand, you can purchase scissors in the US without manager approval...

We lived in Ohio a few years ago. It is fairly conservative, aside from portions of Cincinnati, Columbus and Cleveland, and hunting (so guns) is not uncommon in the state. If you and your husband are strongly motivated by money, it may not be a bad move. Good schools can be found. Oh, and first responders generally show up pretty quickly in the US, without having to triage on the phone for 20 minutes before anyone is sent.

Chicago and the suburbs are pretty strongly liberal, as is southern Minnesota and some of the larger cities in Michigan. Trump and his cronies are quickly overplaying their hand and the courts are catching up.

Do white people have to be racist themselves to feel comfortable living amongst racists? Or is it easy to turn a blind eye - and is this in itself racist?

I think it's more that if you are white (and I'd add wealthy) you can actually live without seeing racism most of the time because your work contemporaries, superiors and social groups are all white. You are protected from it in other words.

Some racism is in the category of 'you can't do anything about it'. I remember meeting a woman who employed a non-white immigrant as a cleaner who she paid a pittance and her attitude that this was fine was based in racism. I couldn't let someone work for me at that rate but she thought it was great. All I can do is not be friends with this woman. I can't stop her employing the woman or employ her myself. Nothing I can do short of becoming a labour law campaigner will help this.

That's the kind of thing you see day to day - it comes up time to time but if you are white you can live without really seeing it except on news reports.

Don’t do it now that the big orange baby is in charge.

Check the package. It needs to be "fuck me" excellent both financially and in terms of support and include a visit to the area before you make a final decision. We went to NJ for my husband's job, way before orange man. it really didn't work for us but would have been much much worse if we hadn't come out of it well financially. Is there any kind of no penalty get out clause if it doesn't work for you?

No fucking way would I be moving there. Especially not with kids.

I travel to the U.S. fairly frequently, and I'm white. DS comes with me occasionally, and he's clearly mixed (white + Pakistani, but gets mistaken for South American or Mexican)

I don't feel comfortable being amongst racists, but I feel it's easier to call out when you're white and seeing/hearing the behaviour and not involved. I've not experienced or heard much and what I have I've called out (always been colleagues) and they look fairly sheepish! We've been in a couple of instances where DS has experienced minor racial discrimination and it's been awful, for me to deal with and to discuss with him afterwards. Never had anything like it in the UK! Also the almost 'owner-y' vibe from racists - no issues talking to him about skin tone or where he's from in a very direct way that they instantly look a bit uncomfortable doing or change their approach when they see I'm white. I probably wouldn't move to the US, but that would be the biggest consideration I think. I'm happy to continue the work travel but won't take DS back to anywhere but the bigger, more liberal cities for a while.

I would love to have your opportunity.
If you are a lefty and an idealistic stay here. if you believe in opportunities for people who work hard and have big aspirations go for it. The health care is one of the best in the word. You will have private insurance.

LOL for the people saying US will have a civil war. Please elaborate as this is ridiculous. May be the Kamala Harris die hard types would start one but most people are looking forward to changes and a reset on the lazy government of the last 4 years. As seen in the democratic electoral results.

Niece just moved back to UK after 11 years of living there, she had three kids there . She bought a beautiful home in Maryland but was scared stiff of sending her kids to the school. She went to a soccer match and a warning of a guy with a gun was announced. The main reason she moved back though was Trump.

@keithmoo @ShapedLikeAPastry very very violent country.

We rented a house when we first arrived. Were warned not to use the front bedroom because of drive by shootings. 😱

Before I was able to get my drivers licence, I used the bus with my tiny son. On one occasion, someone shot at the bus, shattering all the windows. The bus had to stop and wait for a replacement bus. I was horribly aware the whole time that we were therefore stationary, in the line of fire of the shooter.

On another occasion, we were making a long journey to pick my mother up from the airport for a visit, and were driving through the countryside. Middle of the night. A pickup truck chased us and tried to run us off the road. 150 miles from the nearest town. Absolutely terrifying. No idea why.

Depends. Where will you be? What are the arrangements for healthcare ? Will you work? Have a baby there?
I think it’s much easier if you’re wealthy healthy and white

I had the 'opportunity' and couldn't wait to get back to the UK. US is a terrifying country.

Personally I wouldn't move my child to a country where schools have active shooter drills.

It's definitely a big decision and one to research properly.

What visa will your partner be on and is there scope for you to get a work visa too?
Will his work provide healthcare coverage for yourself and family?

It can be an amazing opportunity and chance for the future.

There are some great places in the Midwest around Indiana/Ohio way.

Housing is cheap, property taxes reasonable and cost of living is pretty reasonable and comparable to the UK. Some bits more expensive, but then others end up cheaper.

Dependant on the area in the Midwest, crime can be lower than a number of UK towns. Main city's and state capitals are still issues though.
The nearby towns and main city where I'll be moving have lower gun crime rates than a number of places in the UK. So it's swings and roundabouts.

Everyone is extremely friendly there and a lot of the small towns have a great community feel that has been lacking in the UK for a long time.

I'm in the process of moving out to the US at the moment and heading to the Midwest too...Indiana and I can't wait.

SIL had her baby in 2022 she went to the nursery overnight.

Absolutely not, do you read the news at all? They are literally at the beginning of racism with concentration camps and women essentially being pushed back to the 1800s.
It would be the height of insanity to move there, never mind to the area you're thinking of.

I like the US for holidays and touring around. I'm another one who has encountered the extraordinary hospitality and friendliness of those Americans with whom I came in contact. It is a bit of a cultural shock TBH and a very nice one too.

I would not live there. That has nothing whatsoever to do with the ordinary Joe/Josephine. It is just the way of life is not something I could live with day to day forever, driving everywhere, little or no public transport, pollution, religion, racism, lack of investment in certain places. I suppose the same could be said of home too, but it's home IYSWIM, I can get around it and know how to navigate the negatives. Not so sure I could do "Jesus" all the time though. Just what I feel, that's all.

I've lived in the States and had a great time. It's a wonderful country with a vast breadth of natural and manmade wonders and I always say everyone should visit in their lifetime. But not right now, and that goes double for a woman of childbearing age with daughters (not sure if you said whether DDs or DSs). I personally wouldn't get that het up about guns, which aren't nearly as ubiquitous as people imagine (though that varies depending on where you are) but the cost of healthcare, the risk that any hypothetical unborn baby's life might be prioritised ahead of your own, the risk that any daughters you have might be forced to follow through on an accidental pregnancy, the general cultural pressures on your children of growing up there, and the extreme political craziness right now would all conspire to put me off.

Americans are lovely though and you'll make friends easily in my experience, particularly with school-age children, which is the peak time for meeting other women wherever you are.

My top tip if you insist on going is to become vegetarian. American meat isn't subject to the restrictions on oestrogen use that we enjoy in Europe and will screw up your hormones.

Sorry, got to bite.

I've been living and breathing this frustrating visa process for a while now.
Trump's administration is not to blame for the current backlog and issues. The Biden Administration has been responsible for some of the slowest visa processing times on record. Unfortunately the issues since that period are directly due to the mismanagement from Biden and prioritisation of asylum/refugee applications (including the reassignment of USCIS case workers from July 24 onwards after bringing in the I-131 parole in place for longterm undocumented migrants) over applications for workers or family based immigration for US citizens let alone LPRs.

Under Biden the processing times have gotten longer and slower with every FY.... even whilst trying to skew stats.

However, fingers crossed it speeds up for you and the increase in processing speeds is also for work visas.
Fwiw, so far in February for family based immigration, processing speeds have sped up and hit an average higher than what's been noticed in the past 6-7 months and cases approved month on month already sits 4200+ more than the previous month which is in a big contrast to what it has been. So hopefully this trend is also the same for work visas.

@keithmoo - Please take advantage of the one poster on this thread who moved to the US for 8 years!

I'm only up to your post Janey, so you may have had a response already, but Barry's is in Sainsburys, Tesco and on UK Amazon at the very least 😀