Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

[keithmoo]

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

@Trilby12 That is a ridiculous comment: we have a democratically elected stable government until 2029, and that gov is in no way attempting to threaten that democratic mandate or our constitution.

And if you'd rather live in a country where the head of state is happy to abolish the department of education, then that's quite a radical position you're taking.

Yes I know we don't have a constitution, but it's not threatening the unwritten one either

I think weird coffee and terrible chocolate are the least of your worries. My husband is American and wild horses wouldn’t be able to drag him back. USA is turning into a dystopian nightmare. You are absolutely bonkers even considering it, especially is you have kids!

Huh?

It’s true that midwives aren’t really a thing here. Instead you go to an OB/GYN for your annual exams then see the same doctor through your birth. Another difference is that kids are seen by pediatricians as a general rule for everything until they are old enough to see a Primary Care physician (GP equivalent). Age can vary but usually around the teenage years but they will age out at 18. Within all of those practices a range of caregivers are available from Doctors, Nurses, Physicians Assistants, and Nurse Practitioners.

Medics are only seen in an ambulance setting… they are either staffed by EMTs or Paramedics. The difference between the two is the level of care they are able to provide EMTs are fully qualified but are not able to start IVs or provide some drugs. Paramedics can start IVs and have a wider range of drugs they can provide. Our Firefighters are often EMTs or Paramedics in addition to being a fully trained firefighter.

Speaking of which the national average response time in the US for an ambulance is 4-6 minutes. That’s for a stubbed toe or a stroke.

There's what looks like it might to amount to a coup taking place there are present. It's certainly unprecedented stuff, as well as illegal and undemocratic. Have you been reading up on what's happening insids US government departments? Or on the Project 2025 plans, which are already being put into motion? I wouldn't move there in this political atmosphere, no.

@Daisymae23 The role of HV is really safeguarding and supporting those really struggling. They are seeing which families need extra support. For example, I know a mum who gets ongoing HV support because she has unstable bipolar and has 3 days for her baby in a nursery, paid for by social services. If you are doing fine, they will not be interested.

I'm an atheist so I think the religious slant would really put me off. I can't understand why they're so backwards in that regard.

I would.

@saltinesandcoffeecups average US response time for an ambulance in the US is actually 7 minutes, and 14 minutes in rural areas. The average cost is $1300 for an ambulance journey. Treatment costs extra.

HV’s are not a thing here. It would definitely be seen as overreaching and a huge invasion of privacy.

Personally, I could never live in any country that still carries out the death penalty (in most states anyway). And along with all the other reasons already given, it would be a hard no for me.

It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind to go though.

Yes but how would they know I’m doing ok if they didn’t see me? I actually think I developed PND. I was on very heavy medication for the first 8 weeks and think I was in survival mode and then it unraveled after that. Luckily I have a good support network around me that kicked in but dread if I hadn’t.

This is a language thing a medic in the UK means a doctor.

IF one person can destabilise a country to that degree, if you genuinely believe that, then there's a problem with the system of government. In the UK we were given the once in a lifetime opportunity to increase democracy in the AV referendum but.... folk preferred the system as is, after being told by the powers that be that it's in their best interests. I guess Leonard Cohen wasn't joking when he said "democracy is coming to the USA", and perhaps given the opportunity they'll do better than their UK counterparts.

@Daisymae23 They should have seen you to assess you. Every HV is supposed to assess for PND.

I know. But my area doesn’t have HVs. They were trialling a hub model.

In rural area, yes. An example of my suburb of a midsized Midwest city (similar to where the OP would likely live) is more like 4 minutes. Treatment is covered by insurance.

it’s all scaremongering.

It isn't.

The OP and her family could well go and have an absolute whale of a time. But it's not scaremongering to point out that the US is currently experiencing a period of significant instability, on many fronts, that is highly likely to get worse.

Education and women's rights are just two of the areas that Trump is putting up for grabs and it would be extremely irresponsible to suggest otherwise to a woman (who could get pregnant whilst out there) with school-age children.

Personally I find it interesting that another poster on this thread is still waiting for their visa to emigrate to the US. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if those sorts of visas aren't granted for much longer.

That is interesting. HVs are seen as crucial to early intervention with those who need it. But cits by the previous government mean there are no longer enough services to refer people on to.

Go for it! I would hesitate if it was any of the massive cities (New York/Chicago/Los Angeles etc) but mid-west? Fill your boots. I have three friends who moved out there years ago, they will never come back.
Most Americans are perfectly happy living there. Trump is a passing phase.

Not for the next four years I wouldn't, not even on holiday. Didn't mean to quote sozzers

Gotcha… yes different meanings then.

I'd move there in a heartbeat if I have the chance. It is a better country than the UK in every way.

Ohio? Definitely. Dp has cousins there. Great way of life if you dive in and engage.

I wouldn't, with that lunatic in charge. I don’t like current American values and wouldn't want my children forced to pledge to the flag in school, etc. Or practise shooter drills.

And it would be very sad for grandparents (not that that should be your highest priority, but it would still be a factor for me).