Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

[keithmoo]

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

Lol.

What a pile of garbage. And I can practically see the veins standing out on your forehead.

The fact is, that the UK education system, which reduces students to three subjects is very rote. In the end, the only thing that matters is how you score on a few tests at the very end. It does not make well-rounded students. Your DC might very well be prepared for a UK university, but that does not mean they would stroll into a US university without some catching up. US students, doing a liberal arts undergraduate degree are having a completely different and, imo, better university education, and the kids of coming out of good American schools are, in fact, better prepared than UK students.

And I say that with one DC who decided to stay in the UK (Oxbridge).

@RingoJuice It really does. Racism is pretty overt there, especially from older people.

I certainly wouldn’t want to live there whilst that bunch of right-wing men-boys are running the country. Indiana isn’t all that exciting and there will be huge health-care costs plus gun-drills for the kids. The U.K. isn’t brilliant right now but the US is worse!

@Goldenbear In cities at least that’s unlikely to be the case. My son’s school is very diverse. As everyone is saying though, each area/state is so different.

My Husband’s US employer was constantly asking him to relocate (to NYC) about 10-15 year ago (pre-Trump). It would have meant more money and better career progression.

Even without the current Trump / Musk shit show it was a firm no. My husband spent enough time in NYC that the working culture alone meant it would be deeply unpleasant. Add onto that the gun culture. Not even a close decision.

@Britinme You and I think along the same lines. I also believe that the pendulum’s going to swing back to the center in the not-too-distant future.

In the US especially private school is not necessarily better. The bulk of private schools are there because parents want religious instruction that isn’t available in public schools.

Yes, as you point out, it is a 'pile of garbage' that you are describing, borne out of your 'experience', lol 😂 of the British education system via a highly selective private school in London. You are paying the big bucks for that rota learning, after all they need to deliver you results for that kind of cash and assure you that your DC are so very, very bright with all that cash behind them!

LOL at the Arts subjects being of a higher calibre than the UK, we truly are behind when it comes to the Arts aren't we 🙄😱. As you point out that very much does come across as an opinion i.e your own rather than fact! Did your children learn the Arts by Rota in their 'highly selective' school. Honestly, you really are living up to the American stereotypes! Why the need to denigrate all around you, oh yes, America first.

But the US is home to the New Yorker, The Atlantic, The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Philadelphia Inquirer, ProBublica, The Bulwark, NPR, PBS, Deadline White House and Rachel Maddow, to name a few.

My point was that all of these options are easily available, on both sides of the ocean, to anyone interested. One is no longer limited to paper copies of things, only available in their country of residence. In fact, the UK, at this point in time, has an arguably less free press, considering the wealth of injunctions and super injunctions, not to mention that it's become quite popular for individuals to attempt to find standing in the UK to suppress information using SLAPP lawsuits.

I think it might be a 'you' issue that you've made assumptions about my choices, about which you know, literally, nothing.

It's rote. FYI.

I'd agree with that about private schools. My grandchildren go to public (state) schools and their cousins to a private school. The pressure from the private school is immense.

Right now I personally would not, the negatives and direction of the country would put me off.

I wouldn't go to the US right now. I have enjoyed many trips there but it is now being led by an unpredictable lunatic.
Even before this, the conservative bible belt area you are considering was something of an acquired taste for someone coming from the UK.
Keep your home in the UK (rent it out?) if you decide to go so you can come home if it doesn't work for you.

by the way in my area I would say there’s a small number of elite private schools with top results, but I couldn’t promise you that all of that was because they’re doing a better job or because they are selective and students benefit from all the connections. I suspect the latter is certainly a factor.

beyond that there isn’t a clear distinction. In many cases it isn’t better or worse, it’s just different. The good public schools are really excellent though and suit more children. The school with the very best academics is probably the selective STEM school, but it’s also a notorious pressure cooker. The bad public schools… well they are really poor.

I’m not actually arguing it from a personal safety perspective. More that I couldn’t live in a country that does nothing about children getting shot at school because of their ‘right to bear arms’.

And as we have seen on here, downplaying the issue of guns and minimalising it is the reason nothing over there changes. And why the rest of the world looks on in horror at every school shooting.

There are private schools in the UK as well.
If you are comparing US and UK state schools, there are large variables, but generally the UK is better.

Wouldn't touch it with a bargepole. No way I would want my children (especially girls) growing up there.

You'd think they would have more news journals newspapers and news sources available to them considering the population is 346,553,373 as opposed to the UK's population of 69,551,332!

Oh here we go again, the America first Mantra, "The U.S. has the biggest and the best including free press", when in fact it has no resemblance to reality! In fact, isn't the Pentagon removing several major news outlets, NBC News, The New York Times, National Public Radio and Politico from their dedicated workspaces?

I wouldn’t move to any country where they do gun practice drills in school in case there is a shooter!

I know, it's autocorrect!

In a nut shell.

All the Americans I know are packing grab-bags and making escape plans.

Don't go.

American emigrant to the UK. I'd counsel against going. Guns, children having to do active shooter drills, the uneven access to reproductive care, the absolute insanity of the authoritarian takeover of the government. Education is not as good as in the UK.

Look VERY CAREFULLY at the health insurance on offer. It is incredibly expensive, and consider any pre-existing conditions you or your family have, because they are likely to be excluded from coverage.

No, don't do it.

Personally I'd be terrified of Trump and his regime.

I wouldn't make a permanent move there. But as long as you keep the right to return, it's probably still OK.

Presume you have heskthcare insurance with your job. In which case its one of the best healthcare systems in the world.

pre-existing conditions you or your family have, because they are likely to be excluded from coverage.

Unequivocally wrong.