Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

[keithmoo]

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

Canadian here, don’t do it. You would be moving into a dictatorship and chaos, and very likely some kind of war zone in the not so distant future and if something happens, how would you ever forgive yourselves?

They are seriously threatening to annex (invade) Canada to take our natural resources. Also, there would be no job security … who knows if the company your husband has gotten the offer from will even exist in a few month. I have colleagues who moved there 6 months ago who are now desperate to get out but would have to repay relocation costs and are really stressed.

I've lived in Maine for 22 years now. My older two children were too old to come on my application and live in the UK, but my younger DS was 16 when we arrived and did the last three years of high school. He now lives in NJ with his American wife and his three children. My experience of his high school and my grandchildren's elementary and middle schools is that they were catered for rather better than my son was in the UK. Perhaps it's because of where we live, but none of the children seem to have been overwhelmed by active shooter drills (or even had many of them). It's a very large country with a very large number of schools and the publicity given to these awful events weighs a bit disproportionately on risk assessment.

Health care is expensive, and your husband should look very closely at the health insurance offered by his employer. Your healthcare as a family should be largely covered by that, and you may well find that the increase in salary and the fact that you're not paying National Insurance as well as income tax outweighs any expense. Reproductive healthcare and access to it depends where you live. Here in Maine, not a problem. If you can travel to a nearby state for necessary reproductive choice, also not a problem. Here's a map that shows various state policies: states.guttmacher.org/policies/michigan/abortion-policies

Trump is a nightmare of course, even for those of us who think his recent executive orders on the treatment of women and girls are good things even as we didn't vote for him and loathe his racism, criminality and greed. We have been here before with him though, and the pendulum will undoubtedly swing back. The centre in America is generally speaking, in my opinion, to the right of the centre in the UK, but it really is there and the swing to the hard right as epitomised by MAGA will settle back, especially if the Democrats can find two thoughts to rub together to tell them how many votes they lost over the woman issue.

I know…how is this even a question? Are you Brits aware of what’s happening? This is not about tariffs and trade wars. This is about to be an actual war.

the level of shootings n the US is unacceptable but I hate the way this conversation goes on MN. Mass shooting is any number over two, for the record. When you look at the data the shootings are not randomly or evenly distributed. They are heavily biased towards specific parts of the country and unfortunately towards the poor. It is an awful problem but MN implies that everyone is equally vulnerable to one. In 30-40 minutes I could be in one of the most violent places in the country, but the odds of experiencing a shooting in my area are very low. Again this does not make it acceptable but people are arguing from a personal safety point of view that is very wrong.

It's not evenly distributed but it's about 48,000 people a year due of gunshot wounds. It's a fair amount and considerably higher than most countries. It's a risk we just don't live with in the UK, Australia and Western Europe.

Well if your picture of segregated America is accurate you are welcome to it.

I wouldn't it in a million years. Especially not with recent developments. As PPs have said. The lunatics are running the asylum.

Also — I interact with Black, Latino, Asian people regularly. It’s not 1962, you know. There’s certainly places you can do that but it’s hardly guaranteed.

the US higher education sector is so varied that I refuse to take any generalisation seriously. I might as well lump together Oxford and one of the colleges that became a university this decade. It’s rubbish. Eldest did decide to stay in the USA in part because she preferred the flexibility of the American degree and while she had narrowed her focus down, she wasn’t dead set on a specific course and was nervous about choosing badly.

i’m laughing at the drugs comments. The one thing you do need to know is that cannabis is now legal in many states. You need to be 21 to purchase but let’s be realistic here about how easy it is for it to percolate down. The growers keep developing stronger and stronger strains and more products. Lots of edibles which are easy to take and tricky to dose. You do have to keep an eye out.

Ohio which OP mentions as in the area has a reputation in the US for overt racism.

Ohio boy here, though I live in the UK. If this wasn't home for a variety of reasons, I wouldn't have a problem moving back except for the barbaric healthcare system. If you have good insurance you should be OK. (Sorry, haven't RTFT, that's probably already been mentioned.)

Pretty much anything can be proved with statistics- plus I wouldn't trust AI to tell the time accurately.

@CanadaNotAMum Can I ask do you live in the US or Canada.? Just wondering from your user name. I think you’ll find that Trumps dickish comments are a very bullying negotiating tactic rather than a declaration of war. However if my DH gets call up papers to join up to invade Canada I’ll hold up my hands and you can say I told you so…..

I have family members there and my sister lived there for ten years. She struggled with the red necks and racism; something she wasn’t used to here in the U.K. . Lots of right wing folks banging on about their right to bear arms and asking if England had an army. Quite a lot of ignorance to combat.

She said she’s glad she’s not there now with Trump in for a second round. I’ve been to many States (about half) and most are the same. Cali and NY are more forward thinking and not so bigoted.

Lots of amazing places to visit and mostly people are friendly, but yes on a surface level. They’ll tend to ask “what do you do” rather than “how are you”, which is always odd and judgey.

The healthcare situation is horrific; I’ve witnessed people turned away because they didn’t have healthcare etc. I’m assuming your husband will have this in place with his job?

Oh and the coffee is mostly good. And the barbecue is great in the South!

End of the day whatever is happening in america is happening in the uk and people who cant see that the lunatics have took over the asylum here are nuts, the only good thing is at least you can protect yourself in america, here youre at the mercy of whoever comes at you.
its not forever id go!

Fuck that shit

The U bloody S?

Noooooo

Now Trump is in I'd say it's the best time to go, better than this shit hole UK anyway.

You've inadvertently highlighted the issue of your DC's experience of a UK education and their lack of preparedness - highly selective private school, the 'rote' learning is what they do. They are taught regurgitation in order to ensure value for money. I can tell you that my eldest DC is very much prepared for university as they are simply not taught like that in a state sixth form college, for a start, they are hardly ever there in comparison to private school! I'm sorry but you are spouting bollox about the quality of education differences, testament to that is the high ratio of world leading universities in comparison to the UK population!

The poster in DC was exclaiming that in Maths her children are light years ahead of the children of her UK friend, nobody has stated that UK education system is light years ahead, we are just questioning the validity of that bold statement, UK education is in no way lagging behind the U.S. it is a totally different approach to education but of course the U.S is best, this attitude is completely demonstrative of the differences in culture- It's never just the same or worse is it!

The UK doesn’t have high crime neighborhoods? Or affluent neighborhoods? You don’t have neighborhoods that have a predominant ethnic makeup?

I may have to call bullshit on that one.

You have a very naive view of the activities engaged in by middle class kids 🙄

Yes, how horrible.

Of course we do but kids, or anyone, can go to other areas. My son's support a football team and the grounds are in a poor run down inner city area. Do you think my son's shouldn't be able to attend matches?

But also home of the BBC, The Guardian, Channel 4 news, The Economist, The New Statesman, The Rest is Politics, Politics Joe...don't judge us by your choices.

Hardly 😁

God the news in the US is terrible. You have to look at specialist magazines or sites to get decent coverage. In the UK you get better news coverage just from TV news or even radio news headlines.

It really does not. It just has the reputation of being normal, if a bit boring. Decent spread of industries and surprisingly high population given its relative obscurity abroad.