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Original poster

Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

877 replies

keithmoo · 08/02/2025 16:28

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

OP posts:
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9
Delatron · 09/02/2025 16:39

OonaStubbs · 09/02/2025 15:25

Your chances of being shot or stabbed to death in either country are miniscule. You are far more likely to die in a car accident in either country.

Leading cause of death for children in the US is firearms..

BruFord · 09/02/2025 16:39

Solid advice @martinisforeveryone.

RingoJuice · 09/02/2025 16:46

kiraric · 09/02/2025 16:06

Yeah and that as I have already said in this thread is a common theme -

It is lovely if you can keep yourself separate from the problems and the black people.

Some of us don't want to live that way

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Are you American?

RingoJuice · 09/02/2025 16:47

Delatron · 09/02/2025 16:39

Leading cause of death for children in the US is firearms..

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Risk varies HUGELY by demographic. See here: www.nytimes.com/interactive/2022/12/14/magazine/gun-violence-children-data-statistics.html

user1471538283 · 09/02/2025 16:47

@RingoJuice - you've made assumptions that I don't know the areas. I've got very good friends living in both places and particularly in Ohio it's terrifying. I was trying to be helpful to the OP and you've assumed I don't know what I'm talking about.

RingoJuice · 09/02/2025 16:50

TheignT · 09/02/2025 16:15

Do young people never go out in America? There will surely be places where wealthy and not wealthy young people cross each other's paths, how about going to a concert, a sports fixture, nightclub. Or will it be so obvious they are wealthy that they will have some sort of shield round them.

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Not really. Why would you think there would be? Even Latinos have their own spaces, it’s just what we prefer.

What did you think diversity meant?

kiraric · 09/02/2025 16:51

RingoJuice · 09/02/2025 16:46

Are you American?

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Dual national

snugsnug1 · 09/02/2025 16:56

missmonstermunch · 08/02/2025 23:51

I’m British, I’m well aware there’s little Spanish speaking population. The kids I’m comparing to speak no second language and don’t seem to do much at all until secondary school. My kids won’t be professional sports people, that’s not the point, nor are they pressured. They love it and the confidence it gives them (we also live in an area with very little obesity - no doubt related). I don’t think public speaking makes you knowledgeable, but confidence helps kids achieve and grow - only snarky British culture would see that as a negative! The important point for me / my family is that a wide range of opportunities and choices exist which certainly weren’t available in my British state school.

I have also studied at both UK and US universities. My experience with US students was not the same as yours. I assume because we weren’t at the same institution and the quality is very variable there too.

The whole point of my post was to encourage OP to do her own research and not rely on ridiculous stereotypes and generalizations.

My personal experience is that the education my kids are receiving is light years ahead. It’s one of the reasons we chose to stay here. But I am very aware - per another pp - that I live in a very wealthy and educated part of the US. I didn’t say this was the typical American experience, but perhaps it does exist in some part of the Midwest where OP may move. I’m yet to see any posts from anyone currently living there. The point is - big country, big differences, massive generalizations are not helpful to anyone. The vitriol and defensiveness on any US thread is just rather odd.

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The Mumsnet take on the US education system really is the most laughable collection of tired stereotypes.

OP, as PPs have pointed out, schools will vary hugely by state and district. Two of my three kids have gone back to the US for university after attending a highly selective London private and both of them found that the US students were much better prepared. A levels in the humanities are essentially completely rote learning, regurgitation of canned answers. The only thing remotely resembling a research paper in the UK system is the EPQ. The exception was my DC who did maths and further maths and was admittedly ahead of a lot of the US kids, but not light years ahead by any means.

Additionally, if you have good health insurance, you will get amazing health care.

That said, while I'm almost beside myself about the political situation in the US, I would move back to a blue east coast state or to California, but would be very cautious about the midwest unless it was Chicago, Ann Arbor, Minneapolis/St Paul or Madison. But generally speaking, I'm liberal, don't like guns, am not religious and do drive but prefer places that are walkable and have public transport.

RingoJuice · 09/02/2025 16:57

user1471538283 · 09/02/2025 16:47

@RingoJuice - you've made assumptions that I don't know the areas. I've got very good friends living in both places and particularly in Ohio it's terrifying. I was trying to be helpful to the OP and you've assumed I don't know what I'm talking about.

If you’ve not lived there, then you have second-hand information at best. Ohio is not particularly ‘terrifying’ it’s maybe just a bit boring.

JustSawJohnny · 09/02/2025 17:00

Would depend on the relocation package, for me.

If it includes high level heath insurance for all of you and a bursary for private schooling or home schooling then maybe.

I couldn't happily put my kids in an American school. I'd be on edge every day. that may be an over-reaction but it's how I'd feel.

snugsnug1 · 09/02/2025 17:02

TheAmusedQuail · 09/02/2025 02:01

The US educational system definitely IS on average 2 years behind the UK.

Yes, in the UK we denigrate our educational system and are rightly critical where it doesn't work. In the same way, we are very critical of our teachers. I would argue however that it is this critical focus that ensures our education is OK.

UK teachers are very much in demand everywhere in the world. British PGCE or QTS is almost universally accepted internationally.

The fact is however, you've only got to go online to look up state tests for age 16 in the US (or Australia / NZ etc) to see the quite vastly difference in standards and expectations with the UK.

In addition, US students attending UK universities are required to undergo a foundation year before starting their course to bring them up to the standard of European / UK students before they can begin the first year of their degree course.

There are British curriculum private schools in the USA as there are in most countries, which would keep some parity for British children who may return to the UK at some point and need to reintegrate into the UK system.

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In addition, US students attending UK universities are required to undergo a foundation year before starting their course to bring them up to the standard of European / UK students before they can begin the first year of their degree course.

This is factually untrue. You can be bigoted, but at least try to be accurate.

snugsnug1 · 09/02/2025 17:09

Bouledeneige · 09/02/2025 07:36

Lived there before. Liberal edges massively conservative and racist heartlands. Rigid inequalities. Poor access to objective news and information. Life in a car.

Lunatic politics. Glorified ignorance.

Poor access to objective news and information

With the magical invention of the interwebs, outside of totalitarian states, which the US hasn't quite become just yet, the same news and information is available equally to all.

Quite amusing to think that the UK, spiritual home of the Rupert rags is a more balanced media environment.

Kjtjery · 09/02/2025 17:15

snugsnug1 · 09/02/2025 17:02

In addition, US students attending UK universities are required to undergo a foundation year before starting their course to bring them up to the standard of European / UK students before they can begin the first year of their degree course.

This is factually untrue. You can be bigoted, but at least try to be accurate.

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DS went to a top UK uni where there were a large number of American internationals, they just needed to have a significant number of relevant APs. Like Cambridge need Americans to have at least 5APs

Delatron · 09/02/2025 17:19

RingoJuice · 09/02/2025 16:47

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It’s still the leading cause of death
for children and young adults in the US. That’s horrific.

Bouledeneige · 09/02/2025 17:28

Oh and one mass shooting a week in the US.

Delatron · 09/02/2025 17:29

Bouledeneige · 09/02/2025 17:28

Oh and one mass shooting a week in the US.

And increasing every year..

TheignT · 09/02/2025 17:35

saltinesandcoffeecups · 09/02/2025 16:20

@TheignT Oh for sure all American children are fitted with middle class shields!

Do your kids generally head out for the evening in high crime neighborhoods? Do they regularly hang out on same street corners as drug dealers and gangs?

If they go to a nightclub or concert venue there can easily be drug dealers in the area. Drug dealers aren't averse to selling to middle-class kids.

kiraric · 09/02/2025 17:36

TheignT · 09/02/2025 17:35

If they go to a nightclub or concert venue there can easily be drug dealers in the area. Drug dealers aren't averse to selling to middle-class kids.

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Haha middle class kids are the ones with the money to buy..

TheignT · 09/02/2025 17:39

RingoJuice · 09/02/2025 16:50

Not really. Why would you think there would be? Even Latinos have their own spaces, it’s just what we prefer.

What did you think diversity meant?

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You mean there is nowhere that black/white/Latino kids will be within sight of each other? That sounds truly awful.

TheignT · 09/02/2025 17:40

kiraric · 09/02/2025 17:36

Haha middle class kids are the ones with the money to buy..

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Well exactly so the idea a middleclass kid could never end up in a dodgy situation is pretty ridiculous isn't it.

ADifferentSong · 09/02/2025 17:40

We had to stay in the mid west for 6 weeks. It was as dull as ditch water. Do, do do your homework first.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 09/02/2025 17:43

TheignT · 09/02/2025 17:35

If they go to a nightclub or concert venue there can easily be drug dealers in the area. Drug dealers aren't averse to selling to middle-class kids.

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Oh good grief… you really should write gritty tv crime dramas. This fantasy scenario that you are building around the OP’s kids is truly a work of art.

You are so right middle class kids are being gunned down on their way to church and the library. The sock-hops they attend are riddled with gang bangers and drug dealers. I hear the US is going for a record this year where twelve 17 year olds will make it to adulthood. I think they’re planning a celebration. 🙄

RingoJuice · 09/02/2025 17:52

Delatron · 09/02/2025 17:19

It’s still the leading cause of death
for children and young adults in the US. That’s horrific.

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It will still be car accidents for most children. But when you put all demos together, you’ll get a distorted image (kind of like when you put billionaires into a figure meant to represent the average salary)

From the article:

About a decade ago, Black boys were killed with guns at a rate of about 12 out of every 100,000. Five years ago, it was 15 out of every 100,000. By last year, nearly 26 out of every 100,000 Black boys in the United States were killed. Comparatively, the gun-death rate for white boys last year was less than five out of every 100,000

DdraigGoch · 09/02/2025 17:56

Patterncarmen · 09/02/2025 09:17

Well, if the Department of Education is eliminated, then states determine what type of education your child will receive. If you are in Texas or Florida, the books may not be burned, but they will just not be available in the library.

And, in some areas of the USA interracial couples can feel comfortable. Go to a red state in a smaller town…not so much.

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Wasn't it Texas who recently banned any book with a sexual reference from a school libraries? So one school removed Bibles - well the Bible is full of references to rape and incest. Naturally the locals kicked off at that point.

snugsnug1 · 09/02/2025 17:56

TheignT · 09/02/2025 17:35

If they go to a nightclub or concert venue there can easily be drug dealers in the area. Drug dealers aren't averse to selling to middle-class kids.

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Goodness knows no middle class kid in the history of the UK has ever used or been sold drugs. It literally ONLY happens in the US. 🙄

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