Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

[keithmoo]

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

Ah so black people can't have good career opportunities?

I really hope that's not what your deductive reasoning boils down to..

Lol, do you mean that there's no way she'd be going to the US if her children were black? Or do you mean statistically it's likely that she and her family are white?

Sorry - that's nonsense.

Gun homicides (suicides not included) in the USA: Approx 18,000 per annum.
Deaths involving knives or "pointed objects" in the UK: Approx 260 per annum.
(Total gun homicides in the UK in the year 2022/23 were ... 29, compared with the 18,000 in the USA.)

Ratio: 18000/260 = 69,

Population ratio: 335 million / 68 million - ie very close to 5.

So the likelihood of being killed by a gun homicide in the USA is 69/5 = 14 times higher than the likelihood of being killed by a knife or pointed object in the UK.

(For background the knife death rate in the USA is also higher than the UK knife death rate.)

I think that the 18,000 number will exclude the 600+ killed each year by cops. The only UK comparison I have to that is that the total number of incidents where firearms were discharged at people by all the firearms police in the UK in the year to March 2024 was .... two.

No offence intended, but it's a different universe.

All the numbers are very easy to find.

I think it's fairly clear that she basically assumes good career opportunity means the OP and her DH couldn't possibly be black. Which is an example of the sort of everyday racism that makes the US unappealing

We had the opportunity to live in various countries with my husband’s job years ago. From the outset, I said no to the US.

That was 30 years ago. It would be a great big absolutely not now.

huh?

I mean that even if the OP’s family is Black, they are not going to be in poverty.

🤣 You’re trying so hard to prove some imaginary point that you’ve lost your way completely. Here’s a map 🗺️ to get yourself back into the conversation.

They will not be moving into an impoverished black neighborhood no matter what their race is. You forget that part.

I don't think the OP has given an age and why have you deduced that he couldn't be black? Black people can't have opportunities? Is that it? Anyway her kids could be black, mine are mixed race and I wouldn't want them there.

Yeah and that as I have already said in this thread is a common theme -

It is lovely if you can keep yourself separate from the problems and the black people.

Some of us don't want to live that way

Oh FFS… you have all taken a left turn haven’t you.

The OP and her husband are clearly professionals with a company willing to pay to relocate them. No matter what their race is, they are clearly not in poverty. If they are Black, their kids will not be from a poverty stricken background… because of their parent’s success. Therefore the prime gun violence demographic will not be applicable to the OP, her husband, or hypothetical young male children.

Oh I'm really hoping that OP comes back now and tells us that her children are both young black males. Then the thread will have to start again with everyone giving their revised opinions.

Don’t ever change Mumsnet ❤️. You’re all spectacularly bonkers😜

I missed having an attractive high street. I know even those are in decline in the UK but I am lucky to have one close ish by. I was sick of mega stores, malls and strip malls (our version of retail parks). Target and Walmart is bloody useful though. I would buy fabric at Walmart!

Do young people never go out in America? There will surely be places where wealthy and not wealthy young people cross each other's paths, how about going to a concert, a sports fixture, nightclub. Or will it be so obvious they are wealthy that they will have some sort of shield round them.

You are also on mumsnet so you must come into the bonkers category as well.

Plus @saltinesandcoffeecups seems to be on mumsnet a LOT! Always coming across posts from people this one

@TheignT Oh for sure all American children are fitted with middle class shields!

Do your kids generally head out for the evening in high crime neighborhoods? Do they regularly hang out on same street corners as drug dealers and gangs?

Never said I wasn’t!

One last thing

said by @saltinesandcoffeecups about a dozen posts upthread 😆

@Bestthriller alas I keep getting sucked back in.

@Another2356 The “can do” attitude that people are raised with here is refreshing. I’ve said to my children that their work ethics and positive attitudes will serve them well if they ever decide to move back to the UK.

@saltinesandcoffeecups The statistics are correct, but anecdotally, one of my friends whose children are mixed race (white English mother, African-American father) has said that they encounter more racism when visiting her family in the UK than they do here, and her adult children have no desire to move there for that reason. She floated the idea of moving a few years ago and they all refused to. They feel more accepted and comfortable here in the US.

Clearly

Check out Two Fat coats on fb. It's full of expats who can advise exactly this with experience, rather more than opinions.

@keithmoo
Is this much more highly paid job with the company your husband currently works for, or a brand new opportunity? and is that with a US owned and operated company. What is the job security and if you were to return home who would pay for all that? I'm concerned about how it would work if the job didn't pan out, would you have burnt your bridges here home and potentially career wise.

The move seems mostly about DH's career opportunities. What are the other plus points for you and for the family as a whole?

Have you done a real and full cost of living comparison with the projected salary so you know that it's not only earning more money, but ending up considerably better off as well? I mean financially and in quality of life.

You can work out how you feel about US politics and stability, education, safety, women's rights etc. but how do you feel about your children growing up Americans and the impact on them if they potentially wanted to return here in their late teens onwards? How do you feel about your own work life, or lack of one? and how do you and your wider family feel about the separation and prospect of seeing very little of each other?

I think it's well worth clarifying those aspects and then considering what life would be like day to day wherever you were to settle.

School shootings/mass shootings I wouldn't be able to send my kids to school!