Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

[keithmoo]

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

I am married to an American, have lived and travelled extensively in the USA and wouldn’t move there.
Great place to visit, but live there? No thanks.

I have some knowledge of healthcare in Florida. Not to be envied I'm afraid. Very different set up of course.

I'm not sure if be particularly comfortable if I were in the mid West right now. I'd probably do it if it were the East coast though. I suppose it depends on the financial implications on your family

Chance of being shot dead in US is 0.02%.
Chance of being stabbed to death in UK is 0.05%.
Courtesy of ChatGPT.

It varies significantly depending where you live. There are some very dangerous places in the US, more so than UK. But also some very safe places.

I'm really confused by this, there were 583 murders in England in 2023/4. We have a population of 56m. That's much less than 0.05%. My stats are from the ONS.

Chat CGP..,, ok so what body produced that stat @HellsBalls ?

Your chances of being shot or stabbed to death in either country are miniscule. You are far more likely to die in a car accident in either country.

I just asked it % chance of being murdered, and it said 7x higher in US. So that seems accurate enough.

No way is OP gonna live in a neighborhood like that. Only way she’d run into it is if they travel to an unfamiliar city and don’t know the bad parts of town

Chat cgp isn’t a source in itself

can you actually find any single study that even remotely correlates with that stat?

This

Not CGP

Columbus isn’t even the best Ohio city.

Why would I bother? I’m not getting into an internet argument. If you want to prove ChatGPT wrong then go ahead.

Why would you bother 😆

just throw out a murder stay, quote chat CGT and then scarper!

I've just attached a graph showing that gun violence has recently overtaken motor accidents as the leading cause of death in the US. The US Surgeon general has issued an alert.

I don't really know about the UK but have done plenty of work in London in healthcare. I'm not aware of us having similar rates.

I have lived in the US as a child, through college and as an adult twice. Ignore everyone banging on about healthcare costs. You can negotiate insurance into your husbands package. PM me if you like. I’m not getting into arguments with nutcases banging on about Trump. I’ve lived in NC, NY and Illinois so have an all round view of the country at all ages. Given the absolute state of the UK, which is only going to get worse under this diabolical excuse for a government I would be packing my bags.

Why would you bother? I would have thought you wanted to know the proper facts. Not just spew out utter rubbish. This nonsense doesn't even make sense. Why waste your time typing it, is more the question....

Now start adding demographic data to that. Sadly if you are a young black male your chances of being a victim of gun violence is really high. A suburban family of 4 not so much.

Assuming the OP is not going to move her family into a high poverty/high crime area or frequent those neighborhoods their chances of being a gunshot victim is minuscule

How do you know the OP or her DH isn't black?

I’m using deductive reasoning that neither are young black males.

In 2022 according to John Hopkins, for the third straight year, firearms killed more children and teens, ages 1 to 17, than any other cause including car crashes and cancer. Our analysis found 48,204 people, the second highest on record, died from gunshots in the U.S. in 2022, including 27,032 suicides, an all-time high for the country

This is a really misleading stat btw. You lump children and teens together, when teens, particularly from minority backgrounds, become involved in gang/community violence. Its kind of ridiculous to suggest this risk is equally present among all demographics when we know that’s not true.

Which is kind of relevant to the OP

Yes, absolutely. I'm sure you are correct. Same way that living in leafy Surrey is unlikely to be associated with stabbings. Important to compare like with like across the countries.

But her children might be in a few years

And again using deductive reasoning that they will not be from a poverty stricken background nor engaged in criminal activities.

I was in Arizona for 6 months. Was supposed to be indefinite. I really just hated living in a society where gun ownership was the norm. When dh was away for work I genuinely was so terrified of armed home invasions. Of course they are incredibly rare but the idea of so easily being overpowered was terrifying. And it just made me very compliant. If someone transgressed against me I just took it. You just never now with guns around.

I know the USA is large country but I just found the roads/streets themselves really ugly. Just like one big retail park. Especially where we lived. We did an East Coast trip and found that part of America less ugly.

And it surprised me how different Americans really are to Brits. It annoyed me that you couldn’t just have a good old fashioned moan about your kids/family without the Americans taking what you said extremely literally. And conversations were somewhat superficial as I found Americans
never really wanted to be controversial.

The American landscape (in all its forms) is second to none though. I loved going on road trips to places of natural beauty and having “lake days”.