Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

[keithmoo]

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

Oh forgot to mention, the schools are extremely well funded, so great infrastructure, technology, sports halls…. Though a bit like uk schools the education quality varies school to school and location to location.

my step son runs uk academies, and spent some time touring US schools to learn more about different operating/funding models.

Well, if the Department of Education is eliminated, then states determine what type of education your child will receive. If you are in Texas or Florida, the books may not be burned, but they will just not be available in the library.

And, in some areas of the USA interracial couples can feel comfortable. Go to a red state in a smaller town…not so much.

Yes, well funded if you are in a wealthy area. Schools are funded by local property tax. There is great inequality in education provision in the American public school system.

Yes that is scary. Gun violence is not
so much an issue in rural Indiana BUT definitely not impossible. Can’t remember if Indiana has CC but Ohio certainly does.

But gun ownership rates and the homicide rate are not really correlated (eg Vermont has some of the highest rates of gun ownership but lowest homicide rate)

It is definitely a culture shock if you aren’t used to it. I never really got used to it if I’m being totally honest, as I never learned how to shoot. Didn’t want to.

The US is so massive that some inequalities in things like education are inevitable. A rural school in Nebraska will never be able to offer what a school in a major city can.

what's going on with Musk is horrific but then I see how he's trying to promote reform in the UK and AfD in Germany and I want to hide under the duvet.

property has gone up massively but I feel like this has been an issue in all the anglophone countries since Covid? In much of the UK property is unaffordable, in Canada you need $2M to buy a house in Toronto, same in Australia and NZ. It's an awful time to be house-hunting.

You can live in a little suburban bubble and try to ignore it

Yes and I think this is one of the common themes in this thread.

If you live in a nice suburban area, good school district, good health insurance, you really can have a wonderful lifestyle. As well as having lived there myself, I also go out on work projects for a week or more at a time and I see that lifestyle with my colleagues and also my wider family and friends there.

However, I realised partly through also having spent a lot of time in DH's home country - the Netherlands - that I personally don't really like living like that, sort of segregated from the rest of the country. It doesn't suit me but of course that is a very personal thing.

Well, if the Department of Education is eliminated, then states determine what type of education your child will receive

State board of educations were already doing this, as they preexisted the DOE and were doing most of this work anyway.

Oh and I can't imagine where "the east is conservative" came from? New England is by far the most liberal, least religious part of the country and the Mid-Atlantic is liberal and diverse with lots of immigrants. (More religious than New England or the PNW, but again very diverse so it doesn't feel like parts of the south and Midwest where everyone is evangelical Protestant. Religion is not part of politics here for example, but your neighbours might be Catholic or Korean Methodist or Ethiopian Orthodox or Jewish or Muslim or...)

I have friends who work in academia in the US, who were born and brought up there, and they are scared by the new administration and what it will mean for them. All of them are women, some single, some with families. Some are in same sex relationships. They are widely dispersed throughout the country, in both blue and red states. The new president's EOs has already impacted their research and for some of them, they fear for their civil liberties.

I think the America many of you worked in has gone.

It is certainly under attack. Is it gone forever though, that's the question.

See we are having a version of this dilemma - partner has an offer to work remotely for a US company at US pay but is unsure to make the jump as the economy/politics looks dicey.

He's worried there could be a recession looming and Trump has made EO's which could impact his industry - the pay and bonus schemes are really tempting him though. The US seems such a high risk, high reward bet - I find it s fascinating place.

Will your dh pay for health insurance for you all? That would be one of my main worries
My other would be what is happening at the moment. Real fear of what Trump will do next.
I've only been to the US on a 3 week holiday and that was in 2001. I loved every minute of it and hoped to be able to go back. However at this point in time I'm worried to go there.
The Trump administration is scary and bordering on a dictatorship. I fear for females and their rights for their own bodies.

Sorry meant dh job

I'm not aware that book burning is a thing yet - though I would not be surprised as the Musk / Trump project proceeds.

However, book BANS are endemic in the USA, because particular groups - notably some Conservative Evangelical groups - wish to suppress books (ie speech) they do not like from schools and sometimes public libraries. These have been a thing on and off in the USA for more than a century, with a recent upsurge.

Of the 2 States mentioned by the OP - Ohio and Indiana - both have had attempts at book bans in the last 2 or 3 years.

Look at any MN post of trailing partners for jobs outside of UK.
You could easily conclude:

MN overwhelmingly say NO!

1. MN hates America, Middle East and Asia people, culture, medical care & education.
2. MN hates men who have good jobs and opportunities to get ahead
3. MN hates people with professional jobs and money
4. MN hates change
5. MN hates private education and the idea of “better” education
6. MN hates people who are married and things going well
7. MN hates America full stop.
8. MN ignorant about most things outside their cul-de-sac or estate.
9. MN thinks the sun shines out the NHS

These are the reasons you should move and see the world.

@Brierley there is no legislation in place in either Ohio or Indiana to “ban books”. There is simply a process which school districts go through to determine if books are suitable to be made available to generally primary school aged children.

Is it really unreasonable that local people are able to have a say in what their young children are exposed to?

It’s interesting that so many reference the abortion laws in the USA which are a lot more liberal than a number of European countries. I wonder whether it’s the first thing that would come to mind if someone was contemplating a move to Poland, Malta or even Germany amongst others.

Probably the truest thing I've read on here 🙌

I was clearly responding to missmonstermunch when I outlined the quality of the UK education as they suggested it was 'lagging behind' what her DC's are receiving in DC, I was pointing out that this is frankly, bollox as their sample size for this nugget of research, is her friend's children in the UK. The UK is not lagging behind the U.S in the U.S. this is blatantly untrue and you only have to look at the number of UK universities that feature in the in the world's best universities charts proportionate to the population of the UK, to realise this! It may be on a par but it is certainly not lagging behind the U.S.!

You refer to Mumsnet Middle class bubbles not appreciating the quality of education being delivered across the UK but fail to acknowledge that U.S. education systems have stark inequalities in the education that is provided across the country. Equally, you know jack shit about posters backgrounds and whether they are living in middle class bubbles, my observations on the education my DC receives, is very much informed by my far from ideal attendance at a very rough West London Comprehensive in the 90s, an experience you probably didn't have, if you live in such an egalitarian country!

It is fair to say that the UK education system is not superb at present, even for Children in middle class areas😱and higher education is a mess, thanks to the Tories; I have Danish family and the free university education is certainly superlative to what happens in the UK now but there is no way in this world that the same can be said for the U.S system, it just doesn't value equality of opportunity in any sense!

Your argument about lack of privilege being acknowledged in the UK makes no sense at all when you are using U.S. as an example of where does 'equality' well, I mean is this a complete joke, is it April Fools day- thought we were only in February!

Can you go in with the ide of trying it for few years? In USA the money is good and if they're recruiting form abroad the health insurance will likely be decent. Also doing it while you're generally healthy means you can save up quite decent money and then come back to UK before you might need more social services.

I totally understand your hesitation. For me location is very important to my happiness. However, it might help if it is not framed as "forever". Cause anything new and forever is pretty fucking scary.

However great it all is the biggest issue for me would be the children. Marriages do breakdown and being trapped, even in paradise, unable to work and unable to bring your kids home is a massive issue. People think it can't happen are lucky as it means they have no friends or family living this nightmare.

Yes exactly, surely you need to look at this as a before and after situation, this question is being answered by those living under the 'before'.

The UK is going down the shitter. For all the bollocks talked about freedoms here and the fantastic diversity, the OP will have a much higher standard of living in the US.
What’s the difference between living in a bubble here or living in a bubble there? And for that matter, Americans are on the most part overwhelmingly friendly.
What about the stabbing here? The shite health service? The lack of law enforcement and public decency? The huge immigration from countries that do not hold western beliefs?
I would not hesitate to go. It’s not a prison sentence.
I think many people are envious the OP has a way out.

One of the things I love about the American culture is the right to self defense and to stand your ground.

Here in the UK we are taught "oh let them take everything. It's just stuff"

In the USA, you goddamn fight back (and win)

Aren't posters simply reading the news and the facts speak for themselves?

The latest today for example, is the cuts of billions of dollars from overheads in grants for biomedical research in U.S. universities, is this not going to have an impact on prestigious U.S. Research universities- hardly going to help maintain the status of world leaders is it!

And you know for sure that posters have never been offered the opportunity to work in the U.S do you or the posters who have done just that and are not glowing about it, they are all wrong are they🙄