Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

[keithmoo]

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

This!
The UK is struggling atm too plus the US is huge.
If it doesn't suit, come back.
Your children are young enough to leave where you are (relatively young & quite resilient at that age). You may regret not trying it!

If you do go let us know!

As long as you don't mind the rampant gun violence, batshit crazy president and overt -ism culture. Hope to God you don't look Mexican or in any way visibly DEI. Let's really hope you don't stay and raise a daughter in a place with ever narrowing reproductive rights - or even worse a child who is gender dysphoric. Nope. Not a chance.

The US educational system definitely IS on average 2 years behind the UK.

Yes, in the UK we denigrate our educational system and are rightly critical where it doesn't work. In the same way, we are very critical of our teachers. I would argue however that it is this critical focus that ensures our education is OK.

UK teachers are very much in demand everywhere in the world. British PGCE or QTS is almost universally accepted internationally.

The fact is however, you've only got to go online to look up state tests for age 16 in the US (or Australia / NZ etc) to see the quite vastly difference in standards and expectations with the UK.

In addition, US students attending UK universities are required to undergo a foundation year before starting their course to bring them up to the standard of European / UK students before they can begin the first year of their degree course.

There are British curriculum private schools in the USA as there are in most countries, which would keep some parity for British children who may return to the UK at some point and need to reintegrate into the UK system.

The people who have actually done it will largely tell you it was a positive experience,

That was then, this is now.

Oh yes as the U.S. education system is universally good, no extremes between the wealthy and the struggling at all!

The US is more comparable to an entity like the European Union than a single country, because every state is SO different. Politics/culture/education/state laws, etc. all differ so my advice is to do extensive research on the particular area/state that you’re considering.

DH was raised in the Midwest, they have excellent state schools in his hometown and something like 90% of his graduating class went to university. Also great healthcare (his parents still live there) and low crime.

But the “Midwest” consists of several states so you need to research exactly where you’re going. Good luck. 💐

Love this. US students attending UK Universities are REQUIRED to do a foundation year to bring them up to standard. Guess someone forgot to tell that to my DD who somehow managed to sneak her way straight onto the 1st year of a Law degree at a highly ranked UK university & is currently getting the grades for a 1st.
I’m a Brit married to an American. I love the UK & I know the US has its faults but some of the stuff you guys are coming out with is so narrow minded, ignorant and bigoted it’s taking my breath away.

Scot who has lived in California for 4 decades. For most people I know, we are all looking for ways to get out of here, and living in fear of what crazy thing will happen next. Yes, even in California it is quite frightening.

Please think very carefully about coming here with children, especially to the mid west. Very conservative, and heavily favor the orange horror. At least wait four years.

Yes, eldest looked at going back to the UK for university. Even for Oxbridge you don't need a foundation year. You need APs in the appropriate subjects. Note that this is true for Canada as well. Our system emphasises breadth rather than depth so the AP subjects are necessary to match A-Levels.

Also the US starts formal schooling a year later than the UK (not necessarily a bad thing according to education experts).

The Midwest is not all conservative. The cities are not. Suburbs are mixed. It's rural areas nationally that are really conservative, along with the Mormon Belt in the Mountain West. (New England is the exception. Most of it leans liberal.) As I said Indiana I don't love, it is a more conservative state and Indianapolis is not particularly charming. If it were Chicago or the Twin Cities, though, absolutely! Minnesota actually comes top or near top in many quality of life categories.

The politics are truly nauseating right now and I don't blame anyone put off by that, but when people start saying things that are simply prejudiced or wrong that's another matter.

Some people would far rather send their children to schools where they learn to become well rounded members of society instead of having them cram their brains full of information so they can do well in tests. I don't live in the US or the UK, but would far rather have children at schools here, where they do get more of an all round experience than in the UK, it's not all studying to pass exams (which are meaningless in my eyes).

Also, as I have already mentioned, in your cosy little middle class bubble you really have no idea how vast numbers of children are being educated in the UK. If you read a few more thread on MN, not just those written by your fellow middle class citizens, you might learn a bit more about it. However, I know you won't, just brush it under the carpet and pretend it's not happening.

I never said it was universally good, but I am sick of UK posters trumpeting their exceptional education system as though it is universally wonderful. Those of us who live in more egalitarian societies find it very strange that there are people in the UK who think their experiences are the same as everyone else's and can't seem to understand life outside their privileged world. You see it on here all the time, people who simply can't understand that the NHS, the education system, etc. is not the same experience for all.

I’m from Ohio. Cost of living isn’t obscene, salaries still very good. The region has a very pleasant countryside. People are generally kind and laid-back, friendly but maybe hard to get to know on a deeper level.

There is dysfunction in some of the smaller cities and certain. neighborhoods, but at your income level it presumably won’t be an issue.

You will definitely need to drive everywhere. And you’ll need to get used to our horrible winters!

As you sound like you’ll be on an expat package, you will not need to worry about healthcare and you’ll probably have access to a good public school (your relocaters will have details on that).

Your children may not grow up meaningfully British however. I know British expat kids, really very American and never followed their parents back to the home country. It’s a little bit sad in a way …

Those in the US, is there any site like mumsnet? I’m curious because I’d like to see how it differs!

I have found on MN that whenever countries that aren't as aggressively academic at early ages come up, they're always put down as being behind the UK (England particularly). Not just the US but Australia, Canada, NZ. But not everyone is destined for 3 A*s at A-level, are they?

There are things I didn't love about my kids education here especially at primary level (Dh and I were both educated in England). But I really think many posters here do not understand how American education works. You have to think of a basic high school diploma as a minimum pass, something like 5 GCSEs. It's a floor only. It doesn't mean everyone is achieving the minimum. My kids' high school (standard zoned school in a diverse part of the DC suburbs) is truly comprehensive in terms of intake and children are achieving at every level. There's also schools, including selective magnet programmes, that are intensely academic and competitive. You'll see the results from that in their AP or IB scores.

This

They would be regional. I feel like DCUM is an example similar to MN but obviously very local focus.

I lived in the US for a few years. I'd never go again. It's culturally very different from the UK, much more conservative in many ways. I really didn't like it.

Health care I used was great in many ways, but really expensive - though I had health insurance through my employer. I could get the Dr to prescribe almost anything, or go to a Dr who would (lots have agreements with a particular 'brand') but you are at the mercy of whether the insurance company feels something is necessary.

Work culture is ridiculous, in certain industries 6 day a week, 10.hour days are the standard and in industries where in the UK that is not remotely normal. I didn't have kids at the time but I was understand now why 2 professional working parents is quite rare in lots of the US - you never get to see your family.

And the gun culture. I just couldn't get over it. Now I have kids I can't imagine sending them to school over there. There's approximately a mass shooting per day and a school shooting per week.

And the attack on women's rights.

There was lots that was great about it, but weighed up, I'll never return.

But none where people living in the uk would gravitate to in the same way so many Americans, Australians etc come to mumsnet?

Musk, a private citizen, just stole all of the social security data of every American, has access to the Treasury and they are piecing together information on federal employees and putting potentially ‘woke’ ones on watch lists. This is some 1940 Soviet stuff.

The UK is having an are time financially but I’m not scared of my government. I think Americans should be scared of theirs.

The US is potentially a land of great opportunity and has fantastic geography. My DD wants to move there for a a stint but DH and I have advised her to wait until this crazy period passes and when she does go, avoid moving to any ‘red’ states.

Lived there before. Liberal edges massively conservative and racist heartlands. Rigid inequalities. Poor access to objective news and information. Life in a car.

Lunatic politics. Glorified ignorance.

I have family in the US and the cost of healthcare alone would be enough to put me off moving there. I've enjoyed holidaying and visiting family and friends in various States in the past but won't even be doing that for the foreseeable.

Honestly, because you're a woman looking to move long-term /permanently to a Conservative state, I wouldn't. Not at this point in time. Ordinarily, even a year ago, I'd have said for it - it will be an incredible opportunity but it isn't fear-mongering to urge you not to underestimate the changes the States are going through right now.

Hi, some advice
(1) ensure you both have sponsorship right through to green card
(2) open a hsbc global account, you will find it difficult to get a credit card when u arrive without a global account
(3) ‘generally’ your husbands salary needs to double ie if he currently gets £50k his new salary needs to be $130k. America is ‘generally’ a lot more expensive thank UK.
(4) u may well experience culture shock for 12-18 months, it can be distressing as well as feeling homesick, but it passes.
(5) east and mid states tend to be very conservative. West side more librel… both have different issues and challenges.
(6) beware of US tax on UK asset disposal, relocation expenses and exit tax if you return to UK. It can all be managed if you are aware.
(7) ensure you have good medical, dental and eye insurance
(8) get involved, with schooling, fetes, sports days… volunteer, make cookies etc etc.
(9) pick a family friendly neighbourhood close to a good school
(10) support your husband…. Working life in USA can be very cut throat.
(11) ensure you have a 6 month float in your bank balance.
(12). US can be a hire and fire culture, a change in boss can see major change at the next few levels as they bring in their own ‘loyal’ team.
(13) Americans are direct, blunt and very opinionated even when quite ignorant on a subject…. to the point of being downright rude by British standards… they will comment on ur house, kids, car, hair etc etc
(14) if you have a religious belief and practice this…. It’s another way to integrate…. God is alive and living in the USA!!!!

with all the above said…. I personally found it a gr8 experience…. Amazing hols, improved healthcare, outdoor lifestyle. I had many career opportunities, I earnt enough during my 8 years in the US (salary,stock.bonus) to return to the uk and semi retire at 47 which was all part of my plan.

i went with my husband (who did not work), if I’d gone with kids the social integration would have been easier.

Introvert personalities may struggle a little.

Reddit I guess.

But the reason a lot of Americans popped into Mumsnet is it was one of the only places you could discuss the trans issue in a very truthful way. Still can’t do that on Reddit …

generally’ your husbands salary needs to double ie if he currently gets £50k his new salary needs to be $130k. America is ‘generally’ a lot more expensive thank UK

tbh it is frustrating how low salaries are in the UK. Even when accounting for things your government gives you for ‘free’ it’s still insultingly stingy.