Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

[keithmoo]

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

So my advice would be (as I live abroad and have been through it) it is much much much harder than you think it will be. Much harder.

Most ex pats say it takes about seven years before you feel at home and the homesickness stops. Join a Facebook group of Brits in the US for advice.

And yes rhe chocolate is gross. Portions are enormous and fatty is restaurants. Coffee is good if you know where to look.

One of the biggest misconceptions is that because it’s an English speaking country cultures are similar. Wrong. It’s like night and day. Think about it - you won’t know where to get anything. Or who to ask. Different measurement system (imperial) and temp etc. It really isn’t easy.

Americans are friendly Brits are surface polite but won’t go out of their way to speak to you. Americans will. Big socialising with work colleagues isn’t as prevalent. BBQs are a bigger thing.

The crime is immense. The views in the mid west can be non progressive. Guns are everywhere - that isn’t hyperbole.

Healthcare costs are 1000+ per month. That isn’t an exaggeration. Some things are cheaper, some things are mega more expensive - car insurance for example.

Politics are polarising.

Distances are vast - you need to have two cars as Americans drive everywhere - there is no town centre. There are strip malls and malls etc.

Schools are hit and miss but you go to your local school. They make a place for you so choose a house in a good school area.

Holidays start at two weeks a year and can rise to three (if senior) but you usually accrue holiday and then take it - attitudes to holidays are very different. In a lot of cases you have to work a year before being allowed to take a holiday. If you think this will be a bit of an opportunity to explore the US you probably won’t have the time. Internal flights are expensive (like what it would cost to fly home).

You won’t be able to work so think about what that means for you as a SAHM by yourself in a foreign country where you don’t know anyone/

On paper it sounds good but I think you need to do a lot more research. I’m being practical as I think sometimes rhe excitement can take over or current situation overtakes the practicalities or moving.

Every single ex pat I know (every one) has said they are always disappointed by people never visiting (despite all
promises to the contrary when you go). Family expect you to come home.

Sorry OP you couldn’t pay me to move there right now.

I think you really need to think about this and not get rosy eyes about the bigger salary and job etc .

She said she lives in the DC suburbs - one of the most affluent places in the country. So not really comparable in any way to Ohio or Indiana, where the OP is potentially moving to.

I wouldn't be surprised if there was one in the UK in the next few years.

"Useless" is one thing. "Deranged lunatic who is threatening to invade countries left, right and centre" is in a different league. Quite apart from the checks and balances being dismantled so that it's much more difficult to stop him.

He has friends he loves and cares about. He volunteers at a humane society shelter, a wildlife rescue and a place where they get involved helping to renovate housing for homeless people, his wife volunteers at a 'charity shop' although they don't call it that. They have some close friends

So not what you first said. You said

He hates most Americans (excepting his wife and her parents and brother), avoids them as much as possible and would come back here like a shot.

like seriously don't be bothering us with this stuff.

I think it would be cruel to your parents esp as the children already have a close relationship with them.

Once you're an American citizen and passport holder, now that Trump is in power it is going to become hard to return to the UK or apply for a UK passport.

Don't go, @keithmoo.

Ah thanks! So very well funded schools.

And a lot of insurance companies assign navigators to help with complex cases.

like I alluded to earlier… I have a significant health issue currently. I’m not worried and will report back what insurance paid vs. what I paid.

Yes, DC suburbs, great and well funded schools. I’d rather live in the UK than in Florida or Indiana. Ohio - might consider depending on where (did consider Columbus at one point but likely would have gone private school route).
US public education is much more variable than the UK - OP really needs local knowledge and proper research to make a decision.
I shared my experience really just to highlight how wrong some of the broad-brush anti-USA posting was.

I moved to the US (Florida) 30 years ago to be a nanny for a relative's kids for three months as they relocated.

Obviously some things will have changed but here are some basics:

His employer will pay healthcare. This is standard and will cover the whole family. Insist it's in place day 1 because the little boy had to go to hospital with a minor injury in week 3 and they weren't covered at that point. The family sent the whole bill to the employer - who paid.

There will be a relocation allowance. This will cover storage in the UK (if you use it), shipping of furniture etc, airfares in Business Class when you fly out. They should also pay for you to go out and house hunt and should provide you with someone who has done scouting for you ahead of time. You may have to have temporary furnished accommodation for six weeks while you wait for the furniture - it comes by sea.

You'll need to take a lot of luggage (and most of your clothes) to last you while you wait for your belongings to arrive. The container was fumigated on arrival in the US, so you may want to think about shrink wrapping furniture and soft furnishings because of the risk of pesticide being in them.

Insist on two flights home annually. Employees generally only get two weeks' vacation so ask them to match his UK holiday allowance.

Schools. Like housing they should set up some visits for you ahead of time.You may want them to pay for a British or International school or a charter school (like private but cheaper). The US start school at 6 so their grades are one behind. Their Second Grade is Year 3.

Some of the schoolwork was difficult for the children because they didn't know the culture, so on being asked to fill in__man, one child wrote milk man (this was back when milk was delivered in the UK) and the US doesn't have milk men so that was a wrong answer. Pronunciation may also be a factor, so you may have to say things in an American accent to see which are the rhyming words in homework.

The children will probably have to take the pledge of allegiance at school every morning. They can ask to be excused but this may make them stand out more.

Company car. If your DH has a company car he'll need to insist on one in the US. This was a perk only for company Vice Presidents in the 1990s.

Everyone drives everywhere. Even from one end of a strip mall to the other. Walking to go somewhere is considered weird as it's done for exercise. Don't be surprised if you see walking trails in malls or parks and they're called hiking trails. Some people walk round the mall as exercise.

Working You may not get a visa to work or alternatively ask them to find you a job. This is quite standard when couples move and is easier if you're a doctor or accountant. If you can't get a working visa (which you should push for because it's not just 2-3 years), you can push for them to pay for you to get an MBA (this was offered to my relative's wife) or Masters or PhD.

If they want him to do the job they will pad the offer with lots of support and push for as much as you can. Also they should offer you both a 2-3 day trip to the area to see what it will be like before he says yes. He'll get shown the office etc and they'll show you other things on your own and with him.

I hope this helps.

Insurance companies do not assign navigators. Some hospital trusts in some places, have navigator teams that insurance companies will pay for. That is because the medical system is so complex and patients need help to get the care they need, that meets insurance requirements. It is ridiculous that this is needed.
But patients also hire people to do the same role where these teams do not exist, because otherwise it is almost impossible for someone with a complex case to handle all the advocating, paperwork, and ensure you stay within the insurance rules.

What fear mongering BS. Any official source to back that up?

Currently, dual citizenship is allowed.

And moving on a job doesn't mean you acquire citizenship.

Op and her partner would be classed as LPRs (lawful permanent residents) who can come and go as they please travel wise.
Their green card/visa would be provided on a page in their UK passport with the physical copy mailed to their designated US address approximately 90 days (in some cases longer recently under Biden) after first entry on the visa.

For employment based green card holders, they need to have resided in the US for a minimum of five years before they are eligible to apply for US citizenship via the N-400 application (3 years for marriage based green cards).
You can maintain LPR status without the need to naturalise if you don't want to.

The big risk they have is maintaining LPR status. 6+ months outside of the US is enough to have it classed as abandonment of LPR status.

I am not doing that. I am making it clear to OP what the situation is on Ohio, which is the area she references. She is not being specific enough though about location.
I would not worry too much about education in Ohio as a whole, although it depends on the actual school. But the OP is talking about longer term and I would be concerned about moving children back to UK while they are in secondary school. The systems are different, and I think you have to stick with one countries educational system once your children start secondary.

I know, I didn’t mean your post 😀
I agree with you re: sticking with one secondary system. They are very different and I think that would be a hard move. My oldest is in 6th grade and it would already be very difficult for them to move to UK school.

DC suburbs here as well and excellent schools. Florida is known to be awful. Low tax low service model.

I can't say I'd move to Indiana. Ohio varies a lot.

Don’t listen to the ignorant anti-American nonsense on here. You can have a vastly superior quality of life in the Midwest. Feel free to PM me if you would like to discuss further

@Doubleaxel I know the midwest has a lower cost of living, so OP could get a better house there than elsewhere. And it is known for sports, so if you are a sporty family, you will fit in. But it is very conservative and overt racism is fairly common, especially from older people.

JGO - do you live in the Midwest?

@Doubleaxel No. But I have travelled throughout the US. And I emigrated for a few years so know how hard it is in reality.

If your dh has decent medical insurance then medical care will be top notch and much better than the NHS. You may have to co pay for certain treatments but generally treatment will be convenient, quick and good quality.

With such young children I don't think education is in an issue in the USA. If you live in a decent school district they should be fine. I would go op - I lived overseas when younger and it was fantastic

As long as you have great health insurance and enough money to live very comfortably on, I'd move

I know Trump is crazy, guns et,

Living overseas when young and without children, is very different from living overseas with children going to school. One of the hard parts is that you will be under pressure to adopt parenting norms of where you emigrate to.

Not helpful, but I think your are absolutely bonkers to even consider this.

The sheer number of school shootings per year would put me right off. If not that, having to expose my young children shooter drills. If not that the mad man who is in charge.

If it were just you - sure, but not a hope in hell of taking young children to the US.

I've not RTFT, I'm also not in the US.
However as a woman it's not particularly somewhere I'd rather be right now.
Granted, I'm old and hopefully not in need of an abortion right now - but still.
The way Trump's going after LGBT rights too - nope. Don't know where you're from OP but as a woman can't see those rights to be come for far behind.