Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

[keithmoo]

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

Kids in US have far more pressure to do sports especially boys or else they get bullied. I also think it's a bit too much going to school then doing 3 sports. Giving speeches to large audience does not make you more knowledgeable, it just helps increase your confidence. To be honest, I wish Americans talk a bit less and develop a bit humility and listening.
From very young age, kids are involved in so many activities in hope of them exceling in a few in order to get admission in one of the good universities/ colleges. Fees are crazy high and so is the pressure. I have American friends who left US and would never move back.
Also, I dont agree what you said in other posts, that UK maternity wards are like in 3rd world hospitals while Americans have higher standards. Americans are self paid so everyone pays through insurance. I had BUPA insurance and private hospitals in UK are no where close to what you said. I once had a gynaecological procedure in an NHS hospital, I received good medical care in well maintained hospiral. Though I agree NHS has issues but US healthcare does too.

And UK children are taught foreign languages, but not necessarily spanish.

Another who does not understand that the US is a collection of 50 individual states.

I don't know where you're going with the comment on being Christian and going to church. Can you elaborate?

Essentially as a help for op and any others in the situation if it's a long term visa and not a short term/contract job.

This is a multi-stage process.

The employer will petition the beneficiary by filling out the I-140. Dependant on the employer they might just complete the application normally (4-6 months processing time approx with USCIS) or can pay around $2700 for premium processing which will be a USCIS processing time of around 45 days.

Once USCIS have approved the I-140, it will get passed on to NVC for the next stage. Time on this stage depends on the type of work visa eg EB1, EB2 etc and what Embassy.

Time frames on when those specific visas are available and what priority date they are looking at is posted on the monthly visa bulletin.

Using EB1 as an example which is current, it will take approximately 1 week for the welcome letter to be emailed from NVC. After this welcome letter is received and ceac account set up, fees will be paid and within 3-4 days of that the visa application (DS-261) will be open to complete. As well as this civil documents will need to be uploaded.

After all these are submitted, it will take around 3-5 days for it to be marked document qualified (DQ'd). Once DQ'd it is then just sitting tight and waiting for the London Embassy to send out interview letters and scheduling a medical after that.

I'm not sure if the embassy treats employment visa interviews differently or quicker etc and are on different timelines to those going through marriage based visas.

But just for awareness, married based visas, the London Embassy sends out interview letters in blocks usually around 3rd or 4th week of the month.
Those DQ'd by mid-Jan made the cut for the Jan interview letters and have interviews between mid-end Mar.

So expectation management, the whole process could take 8-10 months.

A few extra points:
. I know people have mentioned property taxes being expensive. But that is dependant on area. I'd have a look and research it.
Current property taxes for the year in the place I'll be moving to (Midwest, Indiana) is $1760 (£1418) which works out cheaper than Band A council tax I would pay where I currently am in the UK.
. Food prices. Fruit and veg more expensive. Meat is cheaper than the UK. Eg 650g chicken breast (good quality, grade a and not the cheap Tyson brand stuff) can be picked up for £3.64. In comparison 600g from Asda works out at £4.14.
Turkey can be picked up really cheap compared to here.
Being Mid-west there will be plenty of Aldi's about which can help with costs.
. One thing to consider expense wise is contingency planning in case of returning to the UK and maintaining NI contributions so that a full state pension can still be obtained.

Liberal but hates people.

Gotcha.

We don't have a large Spanish speaking population so UK kids usually don't study Spanish, your experience may be that your kids are ahead- but I studied with US university students and they were light years behind, with poor general knowledge and no research or essay writing skills.

Yes variations will obviously be huge, between different states in the US, but your experience is not particularly common- I have seen hundreds of US and UK posts claiming the opposite, yours is the first I have seen claiming the US is "light years ahead".

Aiming to be professional sport people is also no part of UK school life, debating teams do occur, but depends on the school, again not generally part of the culture. Public speaking is also not really part of school life- these are cultural differences, and nothing to do with the US being "light years ahead" when it comes to grammar, essay writing and critical thinking the UK system is well ahead- it just depends what you consider to be more important.

What work visa will your husband have? Some allow spouse to work, some dont.
Op, I have siblings in US with kids. I wouldnt want to raise kids there. It's a very materialistic and wasteful society. Kids are pushed into so many activities, they emd up becoming like adults who cannot slow down ( talking of upper middle class). Sports are so important especially for boys my relative was worried her son would bw bullied as he did not have much interest in sports. Kids are so demanding, need iphone latest models, lulu lemon hoodies because of peer pressure.
Salaries are much higher than UK but groceries, eating out is much more expensive there and the food is so bad, even so called good restaurants are much worse than in the UK.
We had an opportunity to move there but decided it's not for us. I don't like American suburban living. Though some suburbs are better than others. I know I am generalising but I think extroverts will do better than introverts in the states unless you are a pationate geek.

I agree. US education focuses on preparing students for a thriving corporate, sales culture, and sports is huge and brings a lot pf money, so many colleges offer scholarships if you have played sports at higher level, so no wonder parents want their kids to take up sports.
I agree when it comes to grammar, writing, critical thinking UK system is ahead. For many US parents education is about job preparation, maybe to some degree it's not a bad thing.

Pp didnt say hates people, said hates what he sees. Different things.

Just saw she said he does in her earlier post, so ignore this post of mine

If its a long term move, in reality it will be a permanent move if it works out initially. I have seen this play out a few times. If you emigrate when your children are young, they will become American in their culture. By the time they are in secondary school you will not want to come back anyway and disrupt their education. So they will be their until they become adults, and may decide to stay there as adults.

And that makes it a different question, because you are not really asking should we go to the US for an exciting adventure? But should we emigrate to the US?

What do you enjoy doing with your time? Can you do that in the area where you’re moving to? I love the sea and the mountains and could definitely live on the west coast of America. But I wouldn’t want to live where you’re planning on going.

I have relatives and friends in Virginia and Idaho and the quality of life is much better over there.

Based on national average statistics, most children educated in a British style are a year or more ahead of their US counterparts in maths and language. Students in the US are often required to take a broader range of subjects, with more opportunities for elective courses.

There is no 'state US education system'. There are thousands of individual school districts, with boundaries established by law, some excellent, some very good, some good, some poor. Most are somewhere in the middle of the spectrum.

Those vox pops on the chat shows are meant as entertainment of the Laugh At The Village Idiot variety. The clue is that they are features on chat shows.

The UK has a high level of functional illiteracy, with a third of school leavers lacking basic literacy and numeracy skills. Class sizes are problematic, and there is a valid perception of serious and significant inequity between state and private education. SEN provision is dire.

Public schools in the US tend to be far better funded and equipped than private schools. My local high school had tax revenue / funding of $96.4 million last fiscal year. Facilities are superb. Special ed provision attracts people to live in the district. The academic catalogue is 84 pages long.

I’m British, I’m well aware there’s little Spanish speaking population. The kids I’m comparing to speak no second language and don’t seem to do much at all until secondary school. My kids won’t be professional sports people, that’s not the point, nor are they pressured. They love it and the confidence it gives them (we also live in an area with very little obesity - no doubt related). I don’t think public speaking makes you knowledgeable, but confidence helps kids achieve and grow - only snarky British culture would see that as a negative! The important point for me / my family is that a wide range of opportunities and choices exist which certainly weren’t available in my British state school.

I have also studied at both UK and US universities. My experience with US students was not the same as yours. I assume because we weren’t at the same institution and the quality is very variable there too.

The whole point of my post was to encourage OP to do her own research and not rely on ridiculous stereotypes and generalizations.

My personal experience is that the education my kids are receiving is light years ahead. It’s one of the reasons we chose to stay here. But I am very aware - per another pp - that I live in a very wealthy and educated part of the US. I didn’t say this was the typical American experience, but perhaps it does exist in some part of the Midwest where OP may move. I’m yet to see any posts from anyone currently living there. The point is - big country, big differences, massive generalizations are not helpful to anyone. The vitriol and defensiveness on any US thread is just rather odd.

If you have paid health care and options to bail out , go for it. Not everything in Trump land is a disaster.

Being liberal doesn't mean liking deliberately ignorant, dangerous, racist, narrow-minded people.

@mathanxiety One in every 5 American adults is functionally illiterate.
A third of UK school leavers are not functionally illiterate. You are referring to a statistic that says one third of UK primary school pupils do not reach the required standards. The oldest are 11 year old, they are not school leavers.

@missmonstermunch I would be interested to know where you live?
I know in Florida where I have close friends, they home educate as the local schools are so dire.

Yes you are bonkers !!

if your liberal friend cannot find one person he likes in the USA - not one person he volunteered with or was in a book group with or met as he walked his neighbourhood - not one. If he only met ignorant, dangerous, racist, narrow-minded people in his entire many years in the USA - then HE is the problem. He attracts these people. Because the rest of us in the US don't have this problem - we have lovely friends and neighbours.

But I doubt any of this is true. I mean your friend cannot find one person to like in a diverse country of 300 million people and you think the country is the problem? yeah right.

The lunch thing is 100% wrong. I live in the middle of nowhere in the Midwest and I can easily grab a nice healthy lunch nearby. There are multiple places with wraps and grain bowls. I can get a variety of salads, actual healthy salads not calorie bombs pretending to be a good meal. There are also delicious regular sized sandwiches as opposed to subs.

It varies by neighborhood, but people are health conscious in many places and have money to spend on eating out. The restaurants are there to meet the demand.

the only real problem we have is occasionally restaurants close for lunch because they are short-staffed. It’s gotten better, but they still struggle for workers.

The USA is a divisive topic on here always - especially for people that will give opinions that haven’t lived here.

There are several sites and FB pages with mums who live overseas and USA in particular who could give you a more balanced view of day to day life.

There is some misinformation being banded about . Since you have not mentioned the type of Visa people could be telling you the wrong info. Assuming healthcare comes with the job you’ll probably be fine. Bearing in mind my mum in the UK can barely get a GP phone call, provision in UK is patchy as well to say the least.

Depending on your husbands work and the state of the sector in the UK this could be an interesting move for him. Some sectors in the UK are tiny and just not growing. So longevity in employment with such young children should also be considered. My husband has found the work more interesting, he’s working to a higher level and work life balance is far better. But this might be sector dependent too.

Education is so extremely broad here and can vary between local schools, cities and states. There is good and bad but I assume you’ll do your research and get in a good school district. You have time to figure it out. It does take some adjustment.

Moving overseas is hard, Lots of costs involved, lots of stress, but an adventure, and broadens the mind for sure.

@Ponderingwindow I think it depends where you live. I have been in places in the US where outside of subway you can only buy extremely basic sandwiches. But of course this varies enormously. Parts of California every cafe offers egg white omelettes for breakfast, and other places nowhere would offer this.

I said 'most' not 'all'. He has friends he loves and cares about. He volunteers at a humane society shelter, a wildlife rescue and a place where they get involved helping to renovate housing for homeless people, his wife volunteers at a 'charity shop' although they don't call it that. They have some close friends . But he avoids sports things, cinemas, malls, big cities- he doesn't like Chicago - he was attacked in the street in a robbery and suffered a serious head injury that required over a year of treatment- but she does and the uses the apartment.