Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

[keithmoo]

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

Where do your friend's DC go to school as I doubt very much, the state U.S education system is 'light years' ahead of the UK; you only have to view vox pops carried on various US chat shows or US news to realise this, where the general knowledge is quite shocking, not knowing where countries are in the world, not knowing what a civil war is, I watched one American state that they were very much scared of Russia in a civil war😬, not even knowing who Rosa Parks or Martin Luther King was. These people were not young so they couldn't use lack of life as an excuse.

The UK has some of the best universities in the world so it is hard to imagine the calibre of students being educationally poor compared to their US counterparts and it is even harder to come to the conclusion that they are 'light years ahead'!

To take this point a bit further, if you read all of the comments here saying "Orange man bad and will kill you" you have to really assume that most people here saying this are obviously very upset by US politics and are using this thread to highlight their prejudices.

Forgot to quote your post.

@Goldenbear except OP is talking about Ohio which is very much a conservative state, very conservative, and with overt racism not uncommon.

What is the legal position if you go with your kids, live there and then want to come back and bring your kids back and your dh doesn't want to leave? My understanding is after a certain period time you would not have the right to take the children back to the UK if your dh did not wish you to (if you separated). That would certainly put me off moving abroad with kids.

You will be fine.

MN hates wives following spouses for jobs.

America is fine. People a lot more friendly to newcomers than in UK. You will not be lonely.

You will have medical insurance.

.

In that case, I would be very worried about the quality of education being delivered and how much it relied on the bible for facts.

Brit living in the US here. Thank you for keeping me entertained for the afternoon. Some of the posts are hysterical😆
If you do decide to move over the town you live in is VERY important. Almost all kids will go to their local town school and standards vary significantly. You will make a lot of friends through your kids.
Do not underestimate how expensive it is to live over here. The pay check may seem generous (and payroll taxes lower) but other costs add up. Food,activities for the kids and home/car insurance,property taxes are all way more expensive. You will need substantially above the median household income locally to have a good time. Also you will definately need 2 cars. With a good income you can live very comfortably.
Agree re. checking vacation policy. I had to drop from 5 to 3 weeks vacation when I moved here (and I only got 3 weeks because I had worked for my company for 4 years before they transferred me). Also Americans tend to work 40 hour weeks at a minimum.
You will be welcomed with open arms, they will all love your accent (albeit half of them will think you are Australian) and you will probably end up with a much bigger house but wether that makes up for what you will be losing only you and your husband can decide.
Oh and yes the weather is MUCH better in the UK. I keep telling my husband I must really love him to put up with the weather!

If you're right-leaning and you think the UK is going downhill fast, and that Trump is 'refreshing' and 'getting things done', you're likely to see this as a good opportunity. If you're left-leaning and horrified at the prospect of what the new administration might do, this move probably sounds like a nightmare.

I've never lived in the US but I've spent a lot of time there for work - several years and more than 40 states if you added it all up. I'm a total Yankophile and have always been a staunch defender of the USA when anyone makes stupid assumptions about the country or ignorant comments about dumb Americans etc.

I couldn't go there right now. I feel the deepest sense of unease I've ever felt. It's the cognitive dissonance that terrifies me. More than half the country voted for someone who they believe to be the greatest patriot ever in the greatest country ever. Yet this same person has started systematically dismantling the very democratic principles and institutions that made the USA great in the first place.

FWIW, I think the risk of a political and constitutional crisis this year is really high. Trump has outlined his intentions, and I think we should listen to him. And remember the Supreme Court ruled last year that the president has absolute immunity from criminal prosecution for all 'official acts'. If and when he starts defying court orders, Department of Justice decisions, and even Supreme Court rulings themselves, there'll be no-one left to enforce them. Then what? I wouldn't want to be there to find out.

(Appreciate many will think this laughably over-dramatic. Very much hope it turns out to be so.)

That's how it's supposed to work. In practice people blow through without looking all the time (just like lots do "rolling stops"). People just don't look out for vulnerable road users properly: www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2590198223000696. Of course even if you are looking, some of those lifted pick-ups (often not road-legal but the cops don't care) can't see shit ahead of their hoods. Luckily many cities do now recognise how dangerous the practice is and are banning it.

And clearly you're a Labour voter. In which case the poster needs to come here for a trial visit to judge for herself. I'm pretty confident her mind will change once she's here....

This! I'm American born to British parents, now living in the UK and currently in the process of moving my parents back to the UK because of what is going on there. I worry daily for the safety of my niece and nephew who have gun drills and various other issues within their school.

Having lived half my life there you could not pay me to go back. I love America and am proud to be born there but I'm very grateful I am able to live here right now. A lot of my friends there would leave in an instant if they could. It's lovely, but not worth it.

Ah come on now.

The town where I live has hundreds of four way stops and dozens of traffic lights.

People really do observe the rules.

You're being ridiculous.

It sounds a marvellous opportunity to me and I would go like a shot. Your children are still very young and I think you might live to regret it if you don’t go. Ignore all the Trump warnings on here. Many people Inknow think Starmer is worse.

He sounds a little small-minded and narrow of thought himself. Quite the misanthrope in fact.

My uncle moved to the US about 10 years ago and won't move back here.
He has an extremely well paid job in engineering with a fantastic health care package.
I think the job and benefits are the difference to what kind of experience you are going to get. He is black and has had no issues. I suspect it's due to his wealth.

The people you know are stupid then. Seriously stupid

The food standards would also worry me. They put things in food which aren’t actually foods, agricultural standards are lax, and companies are allowed to (get away with) polluting the water supply as in Flint, Michegan. If I lived there I’d have a full on water filtration system and would probably grow most of my own and cook mainly from scratch.

Plus the other things, the guns and the trumper and the extreme beliefs and so on. I wouldn’t want to go; and I love travelling and have lived in several other countries. I wouldn’t live in the US.

You can get decent food and water, but you have to buy organic food and bottles water.

You are absolutely wrong about the education and the healthcare. Please don't make sweeping generalisations like that. I've lived in both US and UK (half my life in each) and, if you're living in the DC suburbs, you live in one of the wealthiest places on the Eastern seaboard and comparing it to Ohio and Indiana is like comparing apples and oranges. I went to Georgetown for uni and lived in NoVa when I started working so know the area well.

No he isn't. He's lovely- liberal in his politics, kind but he just hates living there because of what he sees.

I have lived in the US for 30 years. I love our healthcare, have never been the victim of crime, have never seen a gun except in the holster of a cop, love the turn right on red rule, my kids public schools were excellent and when we went private we had a ton of choice. We live in a lovely community of generous and caring people. I was kind of sad to read of the british guy upthread who hates all americans. Who is he mixing with? My friends and neighbours are lovely. My american children are lovely.

That said, I would not move to the US right now. If circumstances 30 years ago were as they are now I would not have moved. We have many friends who moved similar times from Ireland and UK and they agree. There is something happening in the country right now that is different and while I am unaffected still in my blue state bubble - to a certain extent -the firm I work for has federal contracts, works for USAID, and has local/state contract that receive federal grant money - and we have been blindsided. If OP's husband works for a company that has any federal contracts, their lives will be affected.

I usually post the usual stuff of check the healthcare provisions carefully, check your own visa status, what if you wanted to return and he didn't, etc etc. but right now I would just say No. Now is not a good time to move to the USA.

Leaving the state to live - normally this can only be done with the agreement of the ex spouse. But leaving the state for a visit/ holiday would be considered normal and fine, and a judge would look very askance indeed at an ex spouse refusing permission for this.

Are you sure you have the details right here? The family courts entertain reasonable motions, and a vacation in another state is a reasonable ask.

Divorce is indeed a big and completely life altering What If all the same.

@Patterncarmen think you meant to reply to the OP as I wasn't asking as to the quality of life or how better off you are in the US vs UK. Remember, it is variable, it is not one and the same, so if you want to be helpful, respond to the OP, not me.

I agree with this, I really dislike the turning on red thing, I have many times experienced cars not looking out for pedestrians and seeing it as their right to do so