Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

[keithmoo]

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

Are you looking at this as a permanent move? With people I know who have lived abroad, Canada, US, Australia, the problem comes if you want to move back in a few years and kids are settled and don't want to move. It can be quite disruptive. Probably even worse if you want to stay and DH doesn't or vice versa. Then there is the issue if marriages breakdown and you can't work there, if you don't get a working visa, but he won't let you bring the children back. I've heard of someone who had to leave her children there when that happened.

Lots of things to consider and none of them might happen but on the other hand they might.

There is healthy food in the US, some very healthy food. But you have to buy more things organic. Do not assume a branded food in the UK has the same ingredients as the US equivalent.

Absolutely not.

Guns
Unstable government
Healthcare

My husband works for an American company but there is absolutely no chance I would ever move there.

Yup. My mom had a chronic condition that after a while the insurer refused to cover, and my dad was nearly bankrupted, so I may have a different point of view. Just be sure you get decent insurance, OP.

My In laws went up $12k without warning because the local school built a new gymnasium! PA

The gun crime in schools and fact Trump is president means I personally couldn’t even consider it.

I was just taking to a friend in USA,today, she's got a good job and great health care, but had to pay £1000 a month for her repeat medication, and well there istrump, plus the extreme weather they seem to having, oh and the guns..

Do grow up. It's a great opportunity to see how others live etc.

Most of this post is absolute hyperbole. It clearly comes from a person who is very upset that Kamala Harris lost the election.

Please, try not to let your politics intrude so much on posts here that are nothing to do about politics.

"There are increasing outbreaks of infectious diseases. There's a big outbreak of TB in Kansas right now and health departments are being muzzled."

So, let me get this right. Trump became President 19 days ago and you are blaming him for an outbreak of TB in Kansas?

Might it not have more to do with undocumented immigrants that had arrived prior to the 20th January?

According to the CDC:

"In 2023, the United States reported 9,633 cases of TB disease and an incidence rate of 2.9 cases per 100,000 persons, an increase of 8.3% and 6.2% respectively compared with 2019. The TB case count in 2023 is the highest reported since 2013, and the incidence rate is the highest since 2016."

I'm sorry, what was it you were saying about Trump?

In comparison though, England has a much higher rate of TB than the US does.

According to the gov.uk website:

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/tuberculosis-in-england-2023-report-data-up-to-end-of-2022/tb-incidence-and-epidemiology-england-2022

The UK has more than twice as many people with TB as the USA.

USA an incidence rate of 2.9 cases per 100,000 persons,

UK incidence rate of 7.75 per 100,000 population

Then, if you have a look at where most cases come from:

• TB rates remained highest in large urban areas, particularly in some local authority areas in London, Leicester, and Slough
• almost 80% of active TB notified in England was in people born outside the UK in whom rates remained high and steady, while rates of new TB notifications continued to slowly fall in those born in the UK
• the most common countries of birth for those born outside of the UK were India, Pakistan, Romania, Bangladesh and Eritrea

TB is much less of a problem in the USA than it is in the UK.

American here who was born in the UK to Brit parents but taken to the US as a baby. Don’t do it. This country is spiraling the drain. I’m in the process of getting my UK passport and considering moving back. Everyone with half a brain wants out.

Oh and one more important thing which most people don't think about because who puts much thought into What if we break up...like divorce? However. My good friend and her husband moved out there many years ago with their three boys and then after 3 years, sadly the marriage broke down. During divorce he decided to refuse permission for the boys to not only move back to the UK with their Mum (understandable I suppose) but also refused permission for them to even leave the state for a visit, let alone the country! The US court system allows this, despite the kids having been born in the UK.

So now she's stuck. Until the youngest turns 18 (he's currently 7) or she leaves them there and essentially hands him custody which naturally she's against doing. Thankfully he can’t take them out of state/country without her permission either so he can't take them back to the UK for a visit either.
In any case, moving to the US remains the biggest regret of her life. My heart breaks for her. Something to think about

What sex are your kids? If either is a girl I wouldn’t consider moving to the mid west for a single solitary second until the political climate moves forward.

For you as well, unless you or your husband is sterilised I wouldn’t be considering it.

I'm in the US, West Coast.

I'd say that the majority of Americans are still 'living their lives' and as yet we haven't experienced violence or economic upheaval. That's not to say it might not happen, it's really too soon to tell. But I live in a Blue State with a great economy and a Governor who isn't afraid to tell Scrotus to fuck off. Hopefully I'm not over confident that I'll weather this storm.

If you were coming here (West Coast) or the Northeast Coast I'd say go for it! But I'd rather chew glass than live in the MidWest (except maybe Chicago, it's a great city).

I'd say to try and negotiate an 'escape clause' in which repatriation costs are paid if things get too crazy here for you and you want/need to get out. Airfare, moving costs, lease breaking costs, etc. If they're willing to do that, then I'd say go for it. If they won't or if you couldn't easily afford those things yourself, then maybe better to stay put.

Someone above said that Scrotus will be a 'lame duck' in two years. I think that's assuming we have fair midterm elections and a Blue Wave and that we still have a 2 term limit on the presidency. Neither of which are certain at this point.

Pushback is starting, but because pushback means lawsuits, it will take time. And they are using the strategy of deluging us with their illegal actions hoping that we won't be able to keep up.

Yet we have to put up with an equally useless PM here - Starmer. Personally I’d take my chances in America. The UK is going downhill pretty quickly. Get out while you can would be my advice.

The erosion of women's rights and democracy, the increase in inequality as the rich tech bros get richer, gun crime, poor health care, the hatred towards immigrants, the weakening of health system as an anti-vaxxer gets a grip on the health dept, the steady march of fascism and lack of accountability, aggression and imperialist tendency towards other sovereign nations and on and on...

Would not be considering this at the moment. US is taking huge steps backwards in so many ways- I wouldn’t want my kids growing up there.

I don't think it is.

(I've been following the politics in detail for many months.)

AFAICS Musk and Trump are planning to destroy the Department of Education, just as they have tried to destroy for example USAID, under the cover of a whole series of fabricated narratives, illegally, and at a pace that will make recovery impossible even if they lose Court Cases.

And they will throw it on the States and state taxes, which will mean a degree of chaos in the system.

You may plan to go private, but the 15 or so states which are most dependent on Federal Education funding are all red states, and so your state taxes there will be most impacted if that is where you are going.

So you cannot make financial judgements until the dust starts to settle.

So my strongest advice to the OP would be to delay your decision for several months until you can get at least an idea how it is going to work out.

My current assessment is that Trump and Musk are basically gutting the US civil service / democracy, and they have started with attacks on all checks and balances which can stand in their way. For example, they have just thrown all the non-compliant media (eg NPr) out of the Pentagon and replaced them with the likes of eg Breitbart.

If you want a measure of how callous these people are, consider that when Musk shredded USAID they instructed that funded clinical trials be stopped in their tracks. USAID Medical staff in South Africa were instructed not to help women who had trial contraceptive devices in their bodies to remove them.

Basically IMO Trump and Musk are running the playbook that Mussolini did in the 1920s, or Franco in Spain in the 1940s onwards, and so you may find yourself living as a privileged outsider in a post-democracy, where the system will resemble one of these places or say Venezuela with oligarchs and a dictator in control. Would you be happy living like that?

That perhaps sounds dramatic but that is the message coming from serious experts on authoritarian societies such as Anne Applebaum, who has researched Russia, China and Eastern European societies for decades. I'd recommend listening to a podcast interview she did with a podcast called The Bulwark earlier this week. Many people are happy living in that type of society eg in the Middle East, and keeping their noses out of the politics, and accepting the constraints.

In any case, I recommend taking your time and doing your homework.

If you find out that my assessment is wrong, then the best of luck.

Indiana and Ohio both have excellent overall educational attainment, and both have excellent state universities. IU has an endowment of $3.558billion, Purdue University (Indiana) has an endowment of $3.5billion, and The Ohio State University has an endowment of $7.9billion. In addition to the state university systems, both states have dozens of private universities, including several leading private universities - University of Notre Dame, Earlham College, Kenyon College, Case Western Reserve, Miami U of Ohio, Kent State, University of Dayton, Oberlin, Denison, Cleveland Conservatory...

States levy their own income and sales taxes in the US, and individual municipalities levy property taxes that fund their school districts, police, libraries, parks, and other public services and facilities.

Does anyone worry about what would happen to you if you were accused of a crime in America? The plea bargaining system is something we don't have here.

Seriously, don’t come back here. Have you experienced the UK since you’ve moved to America? I’d really wait until Starmer and his gang of incompetents are out. They’re dragging the country down, and it’s only going to get worse. Or at least trial a couple of months here first before fully committing to a move.

I’m in the UK. Both my kids have learned how to do a lock down at primary and secondary school. We are not in London or a bad townnn….

I think it’s hilarious you’re worried about the coffee being bad here 😂😂. Ditto healthcare, if your DH’s job is good, it should have good healthcare which looks like low premiums ($400 or less/month for whole family) and low copays ($15/visit) and low deductible (less than $1000 for whole family). If he has good healthcare you’ll never want to have to use the NHS again.

i wouldn’t live in the Midwest personally but I’m a coastal snob 🤷‍♀️. Politics will depend where exactly you are and might be unbearable or fine.

food is more expensive here than UK, I spend $250/week for family of 3 at a Waitrose type grocery store not including toiletries or pets and not eating a ton of meat and minimal booze/processed foods.

President Fart and all the shootings would make it a big no for me.

Education is funded primarily by property taxes in the districts themselves, with state funding supplementing local taxes.

The US Dept of Ed is not at all like the British Dept of Education or the funding model for British schools.

I'm sorry, but just, what?

How is this relevant in any way? Has the OP suggested in any way that she is going on the run as a modern day Bonny Parker (and Clyde)?

If the OP ever broke the law then I am sure that she would use the services of a lawyer in the same way that somebody in the UK would if you broke the law here.