Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

[keithmoo]

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

What a huge decision for you. What about you?? Your job? Is it right for you too?
It would be the insane gun laws and trump that would put me off.. school shootings haunt my nightmares.
I know people on both sides. Friends that moved to America that love it. Also American friends in the UK that say they would never ever go back!
Paying for healthcare.. if it's a really good job it should come with health insurance surely?
I hope things work out for you. ❤️

Yes, you are correct - but they are UK MNers so they are complaining about their own country, which is not the same as denigrating a country which the majority have never actually lived in, or even visited.

I find there are actually a lot of posters who hate any country other than the UK, which apparently is some kind of paradise and everyone in the rest of the world is desperate to move there.

I lived there for many years and loved it. I know things have changed a lot since but I'd still go back if an opportunity arises.

I was there for almost ten years and never knew anyone or met anyone with a gun. Sometimes the media makes it sound like a place from hell which is unrecognizable for most normal people who have actually lived there. Opportunities were abundant and I loved the weather (california), the nature, and the world class education. Pay is so so much better than here.

Americans are also friendly, while I love my British colleagues as a foreigner it is harder to establish friendships here. In the US it was easy and there were plenty of communities for people from diverse backgrounds, literally from all over the world. Whenever people here post how scared they are being non white or lgbt going to America I find it so funny. It is the biggest melting pot in the world!

And If you're brits they'd love your accent there!

Many of us don’t live in the UK now (we’re in Canada) but do know the US lifestyle well.

That's ok then.

Look at the states the OP is considering moving to. Leading the pack (in terms of education) they are not. I mean, there are worse states. But also better ones.

This is a UK forum though so it is obviously going to be predominantly a Brits' point of view.

@kiraric I'm less keen on living there again but I kept a house there and my parents are there (I'm an only child). So I've kept a foot in for when the inevitable happens and we need to go back. I'm really not ready to return and feel quite conflicted about it. I can see the positives and negatives in both countries for sure.

Yank here who lives in the UK. Peet’s coffee is decent, and there will be local shops that will give you a good cuppa. You don’t have to have Hershey’s chocolate or Starbucks, there is a lot of choice.

I live in the Upper Midwest for a few years. Last time I was there, Indiana except for Bloomington was fairly right wing. The winters are cold. Be prepared for snow. Depending on where you are, you might need a snow blower. Get a decent car that can handle snow and ice and learn how to drive in it; emergency kit for the car…snow shovel, water, extra coat, some food. You will spend a lot of time in your car as public transport is difficult or nonexistent.

The quality of schools depends on how nice an area you are in because schools are funded by property tax. So house in a good area is important. Healthcare is pretty much dependent on your job, so be sure you get a decent package and are well insured. Getting a chronic illness or cancer without coverage will bankrupt you. Your benefits package is very important, including your vacation (holiday) time.

Employers in the USA are hire and fire at will. You don’t have the legal protection you have in the UK, and there is a productivity culture…I think it is one of the most productive economically in the world…tied with China depending on which GDP you believe. You can be called on vacation to answer work questions, you can be asked to deal with work on evenings/weekends, so your company culture is important too. Work is super important to Americans…there is a culture of competition and individualism and striving

Americans are friendly, and they can be generous. It is easier to get to know people I think than in the UK, but people are really busy (see work culture above) so friendships can suffer due to time poverty. Joining a civic group, the PTA, a book club, a charitable activity can be avenues into friendship.

For insights into American culture, this state of the nation report is decent.
https://stateofnation.org

NY Times subscription may be a good idea too.

I wouldn’t go to the USA right now due to the political volatility and potential for violence, but hopefully this is helpful.

I personally would see it as bad timing for a huge opportunity but still be tempted to go on the condition work covered health care and possibly even schooling to give you choice if you aren't happy with the ordinary local schools, we're not overly happy with the state offering here though so I'm quite used to topping it up at home. I would be very worried about fitting in in the mid-west, far more confident on the west coast or north eastern states. I also wouldn't want to be in an ex-pat bubble. We have a lot of Americans in our locale and they generally are in no hurry to go back.

Go, it will be financially beneficial and a great experience for your family. Trump is unlikely to have much direct impact on you one way or the other and the next 4 years in the UK are going to be grim.

I've been in the US for almost 25 years. I met my DH (also British) here and we have build a good life with three children.

Things to consider:
How often will you return to the UK/Europe? We head east 2-3 times a year and makes a big difference. I don't think we would have stayed if that wasn't possible.

Salaries are higher but so are costs. Especially healthcare. My son just had strep throat - $100 between visit copay and antibiotics.

We are east coast - it's similar to the UK in outlook. It gets wackier as you head south and west.

Culture/outlook - everyone is so positive and they REALLY mean it. It's a nice atmosphere to raise a family. When we are in the UK, my kids notice the difference...so do I.

Tinned tomatoes rarely contain sugar. Some brands contain a small amount of salt, as in the UK. Naturally occurring sugars are counted for the purposes of nutrition labels.

Eating a healthy diet is absolutely possible in the US if you shop the perimeter of the supermarket and steer clear of the middle as much as possible, as in the UK and everywhere else where there are supermarkets.

The permitted alcohol level in most states is .08 %. This is the law in England, Wales, and NI too, with Scotland at .05%. There are serious penalties for driving over the limit.

The SC struck down the right that had been asserted by several municipalities to ban individual firearm ownership a few years ago (a pity imo). Nevertheless, the chances of a child encountering a gun vary wildly from region to region. The place where I live is one where daddies tend not to have man caves or guns. DS lives in a place where people have guns for hunting, and he sometimes treats people who have gunshot wounds (he is a doctor). Both of my parents grew up in homes in Ireland where there was a gun (rural areas), and I have cousins there who hunt. I know people who live in a rural area of my state who hunt. Not everyone who has a gun is a gang banger or a wild-eyed supporter of the Second Amendment or a man whose masculine identity is tied up in gun ownership.

He will be a lame duck in two years.

So only four years younger than this girl: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2022_Ohio_child-rape_and_Indiana_abortion_case

Personally I’d be worried about kids and school shootings. Also, female healthcare - dire.

Moved from the UK to East Coast US 2 years ago officially with 2.5 years visiting for a few months at a time before that. DH is American and has qualifications that wouldn’t travel and would have taken a major pay cut to move to UK.

Delaware/Pennsylvania borders, a lot depends on the State - the US isn’t one homogeneous blob but more like many different countries sharing an official language, there are nicer and not so nice parts all over, with different cultures and customs etc.

Healthcare is both a pro and con. On a US contract we pay a premium out of my pre-tax income (around $370 a month) for the 2 of us, then there are co-pays, like Excess in the UK that vary by service, GP free, Physio $15, specialist $30, medication capped at $500 each per year. The plus side is more preventative tests and much shorter/no waiting lists, and access to treatments not available on the NHS. I’ve had great results with an arthritis treatment that would cost more in the UK to get privately than the cost of DH and I annual insurance.

Much lower taxes particularly if your DH is the higher earner, this also varies by state and even city, you can combine your tax return if you go the SAHM route and get the US equivalent of both personal allowances.

Gun laws like everything else are state specific, DH a gun licence and gun, that’s kept in a safe, but could be arrested if he were found to have a gun and bullets in the car at the same time in our area.

Hersheys is grim, the cadburys sold under license by Hersheys is also disappointing, you can get UK food here but it’s expensive comparatively, but then when I went home for Christmas I was shocked at the price rises for everything but veg.

Happy to help if you have questions, I could easily go on

I wouldn't uproot my children. Massive change for them at their ages, especially for the 6 yo.

Also: guns!

I would second that about the optimism. There is a can-do culture that sometimes I really miss in the UK. It isn’t toxic positivity. People really try to figure a way around or through any problems and there is a lot of encouragement—excellence and achievement are really celebrated.

I'm white my husband isn't kids mixed race. So no I wouldn't go whatever I was offered.

Good grief - that's far too sensible a post for MN!!

@saltinesandcoffeecups medical stuff is not easy to navigate. People hire medical advocates to help them.

Ignore the haters and those that have not lived there. With a professional job the healthcare cover will be terrific. I lived in NY for 10 years and never saw a gun. Nor did we have a house alarm. It’s a culture shock, but that’s not a bad thing. Our children have dual citizenship and a very worldly outlook. No regrets.

Co-pays can be high. Your insurance can suddenly not cover the medicine you've had for ages or you HCP. Insurance can deny necessary care. There is a reason Luigi Mangione is a massive folk hero.

Dental insurance and optical insurance are expensive and don't always make procedures and treatments that much cheaper. It's common for people to cross the border and get treatment in Mexico instead.

The health care system in the US is not perfect.

See I would live in California. It is very different to Ohio. Very.