Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

[keithmoo]

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

I'm from the Midwest and live in the UK now. I lived in London (Hackney) for years but live in a southern city now. If I told you I was leaving London for a southern city you'd probably be like errr Southampton and Brighton are not the same, which one do you mean?

The Midwest is the similar on a much larger scale. If you are talking about a university city like Madison,WI or Bloomington, IN I'd be giving you different advice than Cinci or Indi. If you are talking about St Louis, which is also Midwest I'd tell you that my best friend has had several hit and runs and one car jacking there. Milwaukee and Chicago can be violent but are also pretty great depending on neighborhood.

Cities are big with lots of employers, don't worry about outing yourself and get advice from people familiar with these places.

Accidents happen and in many states you no longer have the option of an abortion.

It truly saved me with my second! I was adamant I wouldn’t have more children after my nhs catastrophe birth and postpartum but glad I got to experience a US one! My staff were amazing!

The healthcare professions require recertification (not becessarily retraining; this would depend on the calibre of the initial UK training) mainly because of differences in training and education. Nurses in the US have four year bachelor's degrees in nursing, followed by their state certification exam. Not every candidate passes.

Midwives have four year degrees in nursing and a few years of nursing practice and then a masters in midwifery. Medical doctors have a path toward their qualifications and specialties that differs significantly from the education and training they received in the UK.

The US does not require recertification just out of spite or arrogance, and American HCPs have to do professional education throughout their careers too, as well as becoming certified in the state they work in and if they move states. Same goes for lawyers, dentists).

You can decide not to drive - it's not a practical choice in much of the US however. The process of passing the test is straightforward. There is a written quotient, a road test, and an eye test. You need to provide proof of residence in the state and proof of ID because the drivers license functions as a photo ID too - these elements are the most difficult for expats. You need to provide proof of insurance if you have your own car for the driving test. Paperwork that shows proof of residence includes a signed lease document, a utility bill in your name, a personal letter from a state or federal office, and ID can be proven by your passport or green card. You can get a state ID without a driver's license, but you have to prove residence and ID too.

When you're looking at an annual salary north of $100k, that is very affordable.

I find it interesting that you say that. I have family in both the mid west (Nebraska) and the East coast (Maryland, Pennsylvania and West Virginia).

Most of them wholeheartedly welcome the change.

"...but no way I would want to move to the mid West at this point in time"

May I ask what, exactly, do you have against states like Nebraska?

Well that's great for you, but some people do so because of their jobs & other reasons.

I spent a lot of time there as a family member lived there for many years.
However that was New York, by our standards she did very well financially and has a high standard of living. If you have a good job health care much better than ours but a lot of co- payments for prescriptions to pay. Holidays can be lower and early retirement hard as you lose health cover.
I hated the inequalities of wealth and the over dominant role of religion and guns.
Public schools can be very poor. As you will be living in fly over country, a lot of family social life revolves around the church, people invite work colleagues to their church or church socials. This may be an issue if you are not religious.
I also found the tv ads annoying and constant, but you can probably get bbc now. You can watch any premier league match live. I also hated the tipping, which is compulsory or almost. Even shops have tip jars on the counter.
Portions in restaurants are massive, which does not help with weight control.
Homelessness and drug abuse out of control in mist us cities. Good luck op

Yes. But you need to know it exists because a lot of people - including in this thread handwave it all a bit "oh if you have insurance, it's all fine"

And it is in a way, the actual healthcare if you have insurance will be great, but you need to be aware of the costs.

I would also say generally that I found that the higher salaries don't necessarily translate to a higher standard of living, once you have paid for healthcare, property taxes etc, I found my lifestyle in the UK fairly similar to what I had in the US

Thanks so much for the information!
I really appreciate the reply.

Isn't that interesting now that people are saying to us that it's down to Trump's administration when that isn't the case.

I've accepted at this point it's a waiting game & we'll be gone (hopefully) sometime in 2025! Ideally now by summer time so kids can finish out school 🤞

this. I also found the food quite expensive.

Like I said in my first comment, I wouldn't move rural for any job, especially in the US.

Though, I don't believe that every single person who lives rurally has a gun.

One last thing… all of the negatives that get trotted out every time the US is is mentioned has shockingly little impact on day to day life.

You will have a solid middle to upper middle class salary so your living situation will be removed from a lot of the things mentioned here. All cities have high crime areas that you just avoid.

Suburban public schools are safe and provide good educations. If you want private schools even better… but for the most part are unnecessary. I think* most if not all area have some sort of school choice.. so if you don’t like your public school you can transfer your kids to a different one. Some areas you can ‘take your tax dollars’ and apply that money to a private school. Big city public schools usually suck (with exceptions) so avoid if possible.

Everything food, cheese , tea, and chocolate is available but you may have to go to a specialty store for something specific.

Driving is fine, roads are bigger and less congested for the most part.

Police in suburbs spend a lot of time ‘community policing’ meaning they target nuisance crimes and don’t allow a lot of nonsense. For example my city has an ordinance against door to door sales… they must get a city permit. When I’ve had people selling things I’ve called the non-emergency police # and they usually respond by the time the seller gets three doors down. They’ll run them out of the city. Another example is we were packing up the car at 3 am for a road trip and the police stopped to make sure everything was ok. Then they offered to put our house on a watch list while were away.

Medical stuff is easy to navigate once you get used to the system. Appointments are easy to come by and if you can’t get an appointment for some reason you can just go to a different doctor or practice. Most insurance policies offer their own teledoc service for easy virtual appointments. And a lot of pharmacies have in house ‘minute clinics’ for quick appointments (things like a simple sinus infection or conjunctivitis).

Guns, while available are really not a big deal here. Yes, your new friends may be gun owners. But they are likely to be law abiding and responsible.

In other words yes things are different here there is different good and bad, but the doom and gloom that you’ll hear in threads like this is very different than most experience

Wow, what a "gr8" contribution to the thread.

The other thing on medical costs is that you can get private medical insurance in the UK for considerably less than the average copay on your insurance in the US so if you're not happy with the NHS, you can still be quids in by living in the UK

It's a good thing every state basically operates as a separate entity where education is concerned then.

I find that Britons genuinely do not understand the degree of devolution and local funding that operates in the US.

The UK is administratively and financially centralized. The US is not.

@kiraric say the property tax number! No one believes it Lol

My US house is now $6000 a year in property tax- and it's a crumbling heap on a very small plot. Any northern city with snow, and thus plowing costs, has these kinds of numbers.

People complain about council tax here and have no idea. It goes up 5%, ok. It's not that bad.

Last year the US city added an extra 1k onto my assessment and if I don't pay they take the house. Americans are effectively taxed quite heavily and don't realise it- if you consider all those things you mentioned.

I spent most of my life there, and the stuff you see on TV is only the extremes of life there.
Most of it and most people are perfectly nice and quite normal. There are places I wouldn't want to live or visit, but same goes for UK or parts of Europe.
Small town midwest I think I could be happy and comfortable with.

Dear, oh dear.

You are evidently not qualified to offer advice.

"Hopefully neither you nor your DC need an abortion."

The oldest DC is aged 6!!

The OP mentioned Ohio. The abortion law there is similar to the UK although it is 22 weeks rather than 24 weeks.

I thought Trump was getting rid of the education department so biggest source of public funding for education is going to go?

It is a bit nuts right now. OTOH MN has always been against moving to the US regardless of who was in charge.

Haven't read back all the way but the reason nurses have to retrain is because the US nursing degree is a general one versus different courses for adult, psychiatric etc. There's a lot of opportunities for nurses to specialise and advance.

Doctors have to redo their residency (specialty training) though there's now some states where if you have been through the equivalent in your home country you can practice supervised for a set amount of time instead.

Prices are higher but so are salaries so everything has to be compared on a purchasing-power basis.

@HairOfFineStraw yeah. The property taxes are really high

What annoys me is that when they do tax comparisons across different countries, local taxes tend not to be included. And I get that because obviously they vary between countries but as a result, people do tend to assume that the US has much lower taxes than it actually does.

And I am not anti the US at all, post Trump, I wouldn't say never about living there, but it's really important to work out the costs carefully is all I am saying

I think you might be right. I think alot of people who voted for Trump are beginning to realise how this is going to affect them.

Most of it is funded by state and local taxes