to be fed up with some pregnant women collapsing into a heap of uselessness?

[ILIketoMarmiteMarmite]

OK this is not going to go down well BUT I wish some pregnant women would not act as if they were Jane Austen women lying on chaise longues with the blinds drawn (and MN open) waiting for their confinement.

On a thread yesterday or the day before there was a mention of respect for women who give birth and so on, and as a mother myself (and heavily pregnant again now) I appreciate what a big deal giving birth is, and what a big deal raising children is. But pregnancy is not an illness. You can still mow the grass, get the required amount or more done at work, act in a reasonable manner, carry your shopping etc etc. Women who are strong and healthy should not turn into delicate little flowers who cannot be disturbed or asked to do anything in case they are upset. Nor is pregnancy a get out of jail free card for being a horror to your dh or dp.

I think I am annoyed by woman at work who has nothing wrong with her (as she delightedly reported over coffee) but takes at least one sick day a week off work because she finds it hard to get out of bed!! She's also always moaning that her dh doesn't do everything for her.

OK now come to think of it I can't actually think of any Jane Austen women who were preg. And I DO realise that some people have difficult pregnancies, but most don't.

OK maybe IABU but hey, indulge me cos I'm pregnant!

Hmmmm don't know if yabu or not! I am 33 weeks now and I am knackered! I've had enough, my bach aches and so do my hips. Baby is measuring v big for dates - measuring 37 weeks and I have too much fluid so my bump is huge and gets in the way of everything, baby is in breech position and seems to spend the day kicking either my cervix or bladder.

I'm still at work full time 'cos I can't afford to take maternity leave this early but can work from home a couple of days a week which makes things a bit better.

So am I moaning too much!? I honestly don't know maybe I am but I'm not mowing the bloody grass or carrying the shopping home or hovering or anything else that makes my back feel worse. You are lucky your pregnancy is fine perhaps you should just stick to thinking that and judge others less?

Mrstittlemouse - my morning sickness also didn't disappear until after labour and child birth. Nine months of near constant nuasea, and much vomiting as well, and I'm sure some people still thought I was making a fuss about nothing. Fortunately my colleagues were sympathetic and encouraging me to take sick leave as they didn't really like to see me vomiting and collapsing during shifts.

But after the pregnancy, I felt great, despite the sleepless nights!

I am far luckier with this pregnancy, and feel reasonably well, and I am really making the most of it!

Well, when I was seven months pregnant, both times, I moved house. So, there was plenty of lifting heavy boxes, painting numerous rooms, standing on chairs/tables putting lightbulbs in..... and on and on and on....
But then I was healthy and fine.

You've worded your OP very well, so YANBU. If healthy and fine, stop acting like a flippin' drip!!

-- Oh, and, what struck me when I was second with DS2, was that it was just madness to tell a woman with a toddler not to life heavy weights! Sure!, I thought, as I wrestled 16kgs of son sideways into his car seat on a daily basis!!

How can anyone think I am referring to someone vomiting or collapsing during a shift????

I am so pleased for you that you have never suffered with SPD!

This, from it's onset at 15 weeks, has turned me into someone who was quite happy to do anything [I moved house at 8 weeks] into someone who cannot kneel on the floor to play with dd as getting down & up again leaves me in excruciating pain.

I cannot hoover as I end up in excruciating pain.

I have to ask the people who pack my bags in the supermarket [yes, they do that is Oz] to make sure that the bags aren't heavy.

Even a simple thing like taking of a show with my other foot is unbearable.

But to look at me you wouldn't know. The support belt I wear when I am out & about goes under my clothes, the tubigrip I wear in the evening [from the top of my bump to below my pelvis] to rest my muscles you wouldn't see either & these would be the only 'hints' that I have problems.

Not to mention the threat of repeat Pre Eclampsia hanging over me for 9 months!

Not all pregnancy related problems are tangible...have a little sympathy for those who just might have it harder than you & instead of bemoaning them, think your self lucky!

so what if a pregnant woman wants to take things a wee bit easier, and people will help her do that!

your colleagues sick days are her business

YABU

< vomits all over thread >

I could really, really do with a chaise longue right now.

Thanks bergentulip that's a good summary of what I meant.

I am doing some research into women's lives in 20 countries at the moment & so many women keep working and living normal lives - just got me thinking.

All of you that are pregnant at the moment, I wish you well.

YABU and clearly haven't got a clue.

I have had difficult pregnancies and an easy peasy time with bf and my first baby. But I'm not going to sit here being critical of people who find it tough looking after a new baby. People are different.
The post where someone says 'They will soon learn what tiredness is really like when the baby comes' is quite telling, really - people assume it's always harder once the baby comes, but IME the tiredness after the baby is born has been nothing like as bad as the tiredness while I was pregnant. The worst point was with my second baby when there was nothing actually physically wrong with me other than the fact that the baby was pressing so hard against my bladder that I couldn't sleep for more than 45 mins at a time without having to get up to do to the loo.
At that point I was so exhausted I literally couldn't remember my dd's name!

Well, when I was seven months pregnant, both times, I moved house. So, there was plenty of lifting heavy boxes, painting numerous rooms, standing on chairs/tables putting lightbulbs in..... and on and on and on....
But then I was healthy and fine.

You've worded your OP very well, so YANBU. If healthy and fine, stop acting like a flippin' drip!!

-- Oh, and, what struck me when I was pregnant with DS2, was that it was just madness to tell a woman with a toddler not to life heavy weights! Sure!, I thought, as I wrestled 16kgs of son sideways into his car seat on a daily basis!!

Yes they are her business but we have fought long and hard for things like maternity pay, maternity leave, breastfeeding breaks, etc, and I don't think it's right for people to take the piss.

belgo - you are feeling reasonably well and making the most of it. The OP is talking about those who are feeling reasonably well (or better) and who are acting like they are the first woman to have a baby and everybody should make huge allowances.

They are the women that do other women no favours, particularly in the workplace, and which is why, on that basis, I think the OP is not being unreasonable.

However, as I said earlier, you don't always know what is going on with other people so you have to keep your opinion to yourself... unless it is to start a thread on MN obviously.

YANBU - the OP says 'women who are strong and healthy' not the ones with genuine problems.

I hate the fact that everyone expects me to be a delicate little flower - I am strong and healthy (and lucky) and can't bear being patronised by people (who are really trying to be nice, I suppose.) But there again I'm 42 weeks tomorrow and pretty fecking grumpy!

nice to see so much support for women from the OP.

Honestly how do you know which women are are healthy but lazy and which ones are having a difficult pregnancy? Your colleague may not have 'anything wrong with her'in that her pregnancy is progessing fine but she may find being pregnant exhausting because her energy is spent on making her baby grow!

oops. Posted again. Computer froze...!

It's my experience that most women who have hard pregnancies struggle through it without complaining much and with very little sympathy and help from other people. Because they have no choice - they don't want to risk their jobs by taking sick leave and they still have families to look after.

taking off a shoe

i agree - your colleague shouldn't take the piss at work pregnant or not

i worked fulltime until i was 9 months pregnant and didn't take any days off until i was unfortunately hospitalised towards the end of my PG and i wonder if that was because i was doing so damn much!

i remember the HORRIFIC tiredness i had in my early pregnancy - there was nothing wrong with me but i could barely keep my eyes open some day, so i do have some sympathy wiht your colleague

I am in the early stages of pregnancy and I am inclined to get all hormonal on the OP and say F£$K OFF.

Lucky you that you do not experience pregnancy like an illness and remain in control of your hormones. Other people are different, don't judge them. Some women react to hormonal changes very violently. Would you question a woman who suffered from clinical depression because of the oral contraceptive pill, just because you tolerate it fine? I hope not. But it is a clinically proven fact that some women experience severe depression and physical side effects from the pill. Similarly some people find pregnancy much more difficult than others.

Count your blessings rather than feeling superior to those less fortunate.

I don't women choose to be tired and irritable during pg

(from someone who nearly passed out yesterday from pushing DS's buggy).

I think that the point that I'm making is that it can be very difficult to spot someone who is suffering in pregnancy. When I had fainting fits, it was a bit more obvious that I wasn't having a great time () but otherwise it might not have been so obvious, especially as I didn't have high blood pressure or diabeties or anything that would involve a sick note. And I just didn't bother telling a lot of people that I had SPD, as I'd given up work by the time that it got really bad.

I also think that a lot of us that suffer in pregnancy feel really guilty that other people have to take up the slack, and so are a bit sensitive to people suggesting that we might be delicate little flowers.

You are probably right. I had two trouble free pregnancies except for the first 3 months with the usual nausea and tiredness and then 6 months of insomnia but I count myself lucky and I did carry on as normal, through the good bits and the bad. Women don't moan when they have real troubles.

Which is why it makes the ones who are fine and still making a big deal out pregnancy all the more annoying.

thing is, pg IS a bog deal, esp when it's your first. Lots of changes, hormonal and physical, none of which you can control. So give them some slack

sis - as I mentioned previously, she has told me how well she is doing. Occasionally she feels (as do I) too tired to get out of bed in the mornings. I am very supportive of women and a campaigner on a number of issues, which is why perhaps I feel strongly about some women (note: some women) who take the piss and undo good work that has taken other women years to accomplish.

I will repeat, once again, that I am not talking about women who are ill during pregnancy - as, thank goodness, a few people appear to have noticed.