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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wine every night

182 replies

leopardprintanduggs · 07/02/2025 16:16

I'm currently on maternity leave and have got myself into a routine of a glass or two of wine a night. I know this isn't ideal health wise but I feel like I need something to 'look forward to' in the evening and separate the night from the day. Anyone else in the same boat? I'm not a big eater so this is my treat. I've not bought a bottle of wine today as a concerted effort to have a night off and already feeling like there's nothing much to look forward tonight!

OP posts:
ClassicalQueen · 07/02/2025 16:18

I did the same until just before Christmas when I realised it was becoming a problem. It goes from a little treat at the end of the day to the first thing I look forward to the second I got in the door. It also went from one bottle to two. Please be careful and make sure you have at least a couple of nights off each week.

HedgeSplodge · 07/02/2025 16:23

I like a treat in the evenings too. 2-3 nights a week it's a glass of wine. Sometimes it's a couple of squares of chocolate with my cup of tea. Sometimes it's a TV programme I've been looking forward to. Sometimes it's a back rub from DH! The thing doesn't have to be food/drink.
I think it's important to have a couple of days minimum every week without any alcohol to give your liver a rest. Can you think of enjoyable activities instead? Yoga/meditation? A really gripping book? You may just need a month to break the cycle and 'normalise' alcohol-free evenings again.

nutbrownhare15 · 07/02/2025 16:24

Can you replace it. I buy really nice herbal tea. Luxurious hot chocolate? You could also try non alcoholic drink options with the same taste but no alcohol.

TheFunHare · 07/02/2025 16:26

It becomes a habit very quickly and easily so definitely something to be careful of even if your overall weekly consumption is not too much. It also probably has an impact on your quality of sleep which isn't great with small kids.

Original poster
leopardprintanduggs · 07/02/2025 16:29

I think the thing is I know I can stop and replace with alternatives - I stopped drinking for 9 months while pregnant with no issue or difficulty at all, I just don't really want to as it's my down time! I love having a glass of wine while cooking and then another while watching tv after. I have real guilt around non-healthy choices. My mum was a very heavy drinker (two bottles a night to drown her sorrows) and I don't want to end up like that, but should I feel guilty for winding down as I am?

OP posts:
JimHalpertsWife · 07/02/2025 16:34

The Aldi own brand "no"secco is a fantastic non alcoholic fizz (the others all just taste like apple juice to me), so I'd recommend buying a few bottles of that. As someone who bloody loves an evening wine, it's a decent alternative.

Whoarethoseguys · 07/02/2025 16:39

leopardprintanduggs · 07/02/2025 16:29

I think the thing is I know I can stop and replace with alternatives - I stopped drinking for 9 months while pregnant with no issue or difficulty at all, I just don't really want to as it's my down time! I love having a glass of wine while cooking and then another while watching tv after. I have real guilt around non-healthy choices. My mum was a very heavy drinker (two bottles a night to drown her sorrows) and I don't want to end up like that, but should I feel guilty for winding down as I am?

The problem is that dependence creeps up very gradually and you may think now that you can replace it but that can change.
I have a friend who became an alcoholic by thinking the same way. She started drinking wine every night to relax. She though because she didn't have any until the evening she was ok. Sadly that wasn't the case.
Have at least a couple of nights a week when you don't drink . Can you do it every other day?

Superscientist · 07/02/2025 16:39

I had a bit of a problem with drinking as a late teen/early 20s. It mostly links to poor mental health and a lot of self loathing.

I have to be careful that it doesn't turn into my default option. I ask myself do I want a drink or do I need a drink? Do I want to enjoy a cold lager/cider in the sun or a glass of wine whilst watching TV or do I need a drink of anything whilst I make dinner? If the latter I have I think about what's going on with myself.

ImNoSuperman · 07/02/2025 16:39

One 175ml class of medium strength wine is 2.3 units. You are drinking more than twice the limit recommended every week.

Nothatgingerpirate · 07/02/2025 16:41

Wine 🤢
But agree with others, the dependency could creep up very quickly.
Grumpy teetotaler here.

Fencehedge · 07/02/2025 16:41

It's empty calories and more units than recommended. It's not ok, really, which you know.

An alcoholic can be someone who only drinks a relatively small amount per day.

Blueberrymuffin8 · 07/02/2025 16:45

ClassicalQueen · 07/02/2025 16:18

I did the same until just before Christmas when I realised it was becoming a problem. It goes from a little treat at the end of the day to the first thing I look forward to the second I got in the door. It also went from one bottle to two. Please be careful and make sure you have at least a couple of nights off each week.

Yes 2 bottles a night is of course a problem. 1 glass really isnt.

Crunchymum · 07/02/2025 16:46

leopardprintanduggs · 07/02/2025 16:29

I think the thing is I know I can stop and replace with alternatives - I stopped drinking for 9 months while pregnant with no issue or difficulty at all, I just don't really want to as it's my down time! I love having a glass of wine while cooking and then another while watching tv after. I have real guilt around non-healthy choices. My mum was a very heavy drinker (two bottles a night to drown her sorrows) and I don't want to end up like that, but should I feel guilty for winding down as I am?

I'm sorry to hear about your mum but you can pretty much guarantee she didn't start out drinking 2 bottles of wine a night.

I think the fact you're asking questions about it shows that you know it could escalate.

The down and out, fall down drunk didn't start out that way and alcohol consumption usually only increases (our brains trick us to continually chase the feeling of that first drink)

It's incredibly addictive and we have much less control over it than we think.

I abstained during pregnancy and breastfeeding, did DJ every year, didn't drink everyday etc yet I had a very dysfunctional relationship with alcohol. I'm 3 years teetotal.

Icanttakethisanymore · 07/02/2025 16:47

I think when you are home with small kids and all of your previous life has been put totally on hold it can be easy to see a glass or two of wine as the only 'high' in your schedule... like the only thing to look forward to. Given you are basically living to take care of another human being, I think it can feel like the only thing that's 'for you'. Whether it's a problem or not depends entirely on your character to be honest. I have found it's quite hard to get back down to what i would consider normal consumption (ie a couple of glasses, a couple of times a week rather than most days) because I am still unable to consistently do the thing that made me not want to drink, which is exercise.

Oldhabitsarehardtobreak · 07/02/2025 16:47

I just don't really want to as it's my down time!

  • You are already justifying to yourself why you ‘deserve’ wine every night.
  • The fact that it’s a ‘concerted effort’ to not drink tonight is also something you should seriously think about.

It really does creep up on you from ‘just a harmless glass or two each night’ to not being able to stop if your life depended on it.

curious79 · 07/02/2025 16:49

Two glasses a night is a significant amount, particularly if they are generous glasses. You’re probably very easily hitting if not exceeding the recommended weekly units for women. Combined with recent recognition that no amount of alcohol is good for you, particularly when it comes to things like breast cancer, you are potentially storing up problems for the future. Your choice.

JimHalpertsWife · 07/02/2025 16:49

Drinking a cold glass of white wine, whilst cooking dinner, with some music or an episode of Friends on in the background truly is a delicious way to spend an evening though, so I get you OP. Its the situation I'm most likely to fancy a glass of wine in too, you aren't alone.

FMc208 · 07/02/2025 16:51

Blueberrymuffin8 · 07/02/2025 16:45

Yes 2 bottles a night is of course a problem. 1 glass really isnt.

Show quote history

Sorry but this is wrong. People who drink 2 bottles of wine a night didn’t start out drinking 2 bottles a night. It starts with a glass, or two, that you feel you can’t do without. Over time the volume increases, and that’s when people think they might have a problem. In reality, it doesn’t matter if it’s 1 glass or 2 bottles - what matters is the dependency. The looking forward to it so much that it’s all you think about all day. The fact you need to make a conscious effort NOT to have that drink. People that don’t have a problem, don’t give that much headspace to having a drink.

I’m a recovering alcoholic myself btw.

Blueberrymuffin8 · 07/02/2025 16:51

Whoarethoseguys · 07/02/2025 16:39

The problem is that dependence creeps up very gradually and you may think now that you can replace it but that can change.
I have a friend who became an alcoholic by thinking the same way. She started drinking wine every night to relax. She though because she didn't have any until the evening she was ok. Sadly that wasn't the case.
Have at least a couple of nights a week when you don't drink . Can you do it every other day?

Show quote history

What happened to your friend?

Irvinesv · 07/02/2025 16:51

I got into this habit so decided to stop drinking for a month and it changed my habits a lot. I also found that it helps to replace that thing to look forward to though so something good on tv, a call to a friend, a nice dinner or pudding.

BeeDavis · 07/02/2025 17:00

Honestly, I was the same on maternity leave and still do love a glass of wine. For me it wasn’t the alcohol, it represented my chill time once baby was in bed and I could relax!

Blueberrymuffin8 · 07/02/2025 17:01

FMc208 · 07/02/2025 16:51

Sorry but this is wrong. People who drink 2 bottles of wine a night didn’t start out drinking 2 bottles a night. It starts with a glass, or two, that you feel you can’t do without. Over time the volume increases, and that’s when people think they might have a problem. In reality, it doesn’t matter if it’s 1 glass or 2 bottles - what matters is the dependency. The looking forward to it so much that it’s all you think about all day. The fact you need to make a conscious effort NOT to have that drink. People that don’t have a problem, don’t give that much headspace to having a drink.

I’m a recovering alcoholic myself btw.

Show quote history

I agree it's a dependency issue, but I dont agree that it will always lead to drinking more and more. I know many people (including myself) who enjoy only a glass a night and can stop there. It really depends on the person.

Moveoverdarlin · 07/02/2025 17:02

I don’t drink booze at home ever, but I feel the same about chocolate and snacks as you do about wine. Once the children are in bed and I finally sit down and relax I just associate it with something nice to demolish whether it’s biscuits, bar of chocolate, Pringles. It’s now become habit.

Original poster
leopardprintanduggs · 07/02/2025 17:08

It definitely does feel like reclaiming a bit of me time and a connection to me pre-pregnancy. I'm currently EBF so am attached to baby at all times so it feels like a bit of grown up time. I only drank at weekends pre-maternity as I was busy working and socialised much more so I guess wasn't chasing the dopamine rush quite as much as I am at the moment. The baby bubble is lovely in many ways but the days can drag and a glass or two of wine in the evening helps!

I think my experiences with family members and alcoholism have made me extra attuned to my own behaviours and I think if I was going to develop a more serious dependency than it would have happened by now. I've had much more emotionally gruelling times of my life in which i could have escalated my drinking to cope but didn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
leopardprintanduggs · 07/02/2025 17:09

Moveoverdarlin · 07/02/2025 17:02

I don’t drink booze at home ever, but I feel the same about chocolate and snacks as you do about wine. Once the children are in bed and I finally sit down and relax I just associate it with something nice to demolish whether it’s biscuits, bar of chocolate, Pringles. It’s now become habit.

I feel like most people in real life have a vice or two and many don't live completely tee-totally!

OP posts: